And so the circus rolled into town and began the long, slow, and drawn out process of selecting a winner and a child to wear the crown of Junior Masterchef the 2nd. This series has taken a toll on both viewer and contestant alike. Plenty of viewers have fallen by the wayside as ratings have tumbled from the lofty heights of an unstoppable juggernaut, to the soul shattering depths of something that might involve Kyle Sandilands. Contestants, too, have fallen victims to the double edged plastic safety sword of being considered the best junior amateur chefs in the country. Even the judges have suffered under the harsh glare of a commercial … [Read more...]

With the world on the precipice of an economical disaster, with Europe imploding and set to descend into anarchy, with our Prime Minister and the US President carrying on an affair so blatant one wonders how Tim and Michelle even put up with it, it’s nice to know that there is a little corner of the televisual world where innocence abounds and joy is a prerequisite. But this isn’t a story about Kerry O’Brien and his journey from the 730 Report to Four Corners. This is a story about a bunch of kids cooking. As the Disneyland odyssey wound down to a close, the prospect of going home shook some of them to their very cores, while for … [Read more...]

I’m no expert on making television involving children, but I imagine that there are some immutable rules. One would probably be never ask the children to do something you wouldn’t ask an adult to do. Another one might be make sure you keep them to manageable numbers because in a large group one might be easy to lose. And a third one might be to not expose the children to adults who are, let’s say, obsessed with themselves and obsessed with showing large chunks of themselves to the general public. Yet that’s pretty much what happened when the kids were taken to Venice Beach and were subjected to a group of very strange men, who, it … [Read more...]

Week 6 started with the foreboding knowledge that 4 of the children would be sent home to their dreary lives replete with uninspiring ingredients and inferior quality cooking utensils, as well as being forced “back to school”, a euphemism for returning to state sponsored or private education to learn. Gary asked the kids to let out an enthusiastic and joint scream, presumably to hide the scream from the producers who had seen the latest ratings. George, between bounces, explained to the bottom 8 that to stay in the competition, there would be two challenges. The first one involved cooking the perfect curry, the last curry having spoiled … [Read more...]

After last week’s embarrassing debacle, where the contestants’ grandmothers’ collective incontinence issues caused widespread water hazards in and around the Masterchef kitchen, the producers erred on the side of caution and decided to move filming to an outdoor and altogether less spoilable location, letting the contestants loose on a 150 acre farm. The kids piled in the back of random 4 wheel drives when Harry revealed his hitherto well hidden psychic abilities when he suggested that they were about to take “some sort of a journey”. They were to be entertained on the trip by a DVD but some dunce had slipped in a horror movie, … [Read more...]

As Junior Masterchef moved into week 4, the show was beset with negative coverage relating to poor ratings. Unlike its adult version, Junior Masterchef has not successfully carried on the success of the first season into a successful second season, and people are successfully turning off in droves. What has led to this plummet in viewing audience numbers is difficult to say. Perhaps it’s because audiences are becoming savvier, recognising that what they see on television doesn’t exactly accord with reality. Or perhaps it’s because audiences are beginning to realise that shows like Masterchef, X-Factor, The Renovators and Gardening … [Read more...]

Week 3 of Junior Masterchef started with the kids running into the kitchen, innocently oblivious of any occupational health and safety laws they were breaching, such is the joy of youth. George, ever ready to get in the spirit of things, came dressed as a child, while Anna just talked like one. George informed them that they want to get them out of the studio and into the real world, because obviously being 12 they’re almost adults and need to be prepared for when their exploitative school canteens force them to cook. Upon hearing that they will be undertaking a team challenge, Greta exclaims “Oh my God, that’s so cool”. One suspects … [Read more...]

The second week of Junior Masterchef begins with the top 20 still to be decided. 7 spots remain. We start with Gary and Anna announcing that 4 aprons are up for grabs, while Lily explains that she really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wants to be the next Junior Masterchef, unaware that her Masterchef contract requires her to start each sentence with “I literally ....”. Matt Moran explains to the contestants that they must cook “the ultimate cake, for the ultimate guest” leaving them pondering who such a guest would be. Some whisper, “Donna Hay” “George” and “Matt Preston”. Their inability to … [Read more...]