Excess BaggageMon-Thu 7pm, Ch9.

This is Darryn's happy face

Check In day, and all we’ve heard about is Gabby’s big secret. She even sizzled it herself all over Twitter… is she gay? Is she really a dude? DOES SHE HAVE THREE HEADS?!?! (I’m banking on the “secretly a dude” option.) Tonight the truth will be told. But first it’s fitness test time, competing against their personal scores from last week, and anyone who can’t compete in segments sticks with their scores from last week.

John SMASHED it, knocking out six push-ups after previously having not been able to do any. Darryn bashes it out in the 1.6km run, leading the entire time and finishing with a personal best of 9:15. Matt notes that Darryn is pretty fast on his feet and “with a fast mouth on him like that he’d need to be”. Cut to Darryn complaining about Trainer Christian “cuddling Lisa a lot”. He’s such a charmer – Ladies?! Lisa pushes herself to finish second last (an improvement on her previous efforts) and she’s happy and Darryn is anything but. Lisa & Darryn go toe-to-toe, and Darryn doesn’t care if she hates him at the end of the comp as long as she’s improved from where she is.

Time for Check In in the “Excess Baggage Hangar” in the Hunter Valley. Kate looks smoking hot, and Christian, Dr Joanna and Dr Tim are all ready to provide their input on the team’s Check In figures. Dr Joanna explains the overly complex scoring process and 15 minutes later we’re off. Kate & Sarah Check In and they’ve both achieved well this week (Kate lost 3kg of fat & added 2kg of muscle!). But where is She-Man Gabby?!

Brant & John step up for their Check In, learning that after disastrous numbers last week and a tough week with John laid up with injury most of the week, they still managed to get decent scores each (Brant lost 9cm off his waist this week). It races Team Grey to the top of the leaderboard… with only two teams checked in. After a recap of Darryn’s yelling, shouting and yelling, Darryn & Lisa step up and deliver good scores that put them last with 5 teams to go. At least they’re not last, eh Darryn, eh?! Nathan and Christine are both stoked with their personal scores, and they slide into second place. After the break – Gabby’s SECRET IS OUT!

Ben’s scores blah blah blah (they’re very good, to be fair), but we all want to know what’s going on with Gabby. She starts her Check In with an announcement, “Ben, I’m not wearing any underpants.” That’s IT?! Worst. Secret. EVER! Gabby’s lost 1.1% body fat, no change in her waist, & Dr Joanna casually mentions Gabby had lap-band surgery a few years ago. So THAT’S the secret – she’s a Lapbandian (it’s a country next to Lapland – look it up). Everyone’s really surprised, Dipper asks if he can have one, and Gabby shares she was worried for not having revealed it before the others would be upset at her. She admits that being lonely is one of her biggest enemies, and Dr Tim is right there for her. Gabby boosts her fitness score, and Team Green move into second.

K-Fed & Renae are up, and Kevin is skeptical he’ll do anything decent compared to last week. Renae’s still looking at him with stars in her eyes as she reads his scores. Renae’s upset that her scores are low this week, but acknowledges they’re all moving in the right direction. Gentle guitars offer support and inspiration to Renae, and Team Blue slide into fifth.

With all the tension between Dipper & Lana and Ajay & Matt, we need to know how they fared this week. Lana’s scores are good, as are Dipper’s, so Team Orange move up into first place. For now. Dipper’s proud but pragmatic. Team Purple Check In and Ajay & Matt step up. Ajay has a little playful shudder, and the editors roll their eyes again. Strong numbers from the team (Matt lost 7kg!) push them into first place and they win the week (by more than one point, Dipper) – $10,000 to Ajay’s charity of choice. Dr Joanna reminds the teams they’re getting closer to elimination. While she means in the context of the show, she couldn’t be more prescient given the flagging ratings now the show is on GO!. A damn shame too. Still, next week is a new week in a new location! Where will they go next?!

BTW, I’m still wishing Gabby’s secret was that she was once a dude. Bummer.

My Kitchen RulesMon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7

The quail is the hero of the dish. That lost.

Here we are in sunny(!) Victoria to see what sisters Carly & Emily can deliver. With Peter & Gary both smarting (especially Peter) after their caning at their instant restaurant, there’ll be blood on the dance floor by the end of the night. The girls are fiercely competative which is reason enough to expect blood.

While shopping for their ingredients, we somehow incredibly get to learn what Carly & Emily’s menu will be. Entree – Pork & Prawn Bean Curd Rolls; Main – Tea Smoked Quail; Dessert – Steamed Malay Cake. Pete’s excited by their entree; Manu love tea smoking, as well as pot smoking and ice smoking – but not crack smoking, kids. Crack is whack.

The girls get home and complete the setup of their instant restaurant, Harvest Moon. “It represents our dual cultures,” says Carly, “of harvesting and mooning.” Their flowers arre delivered (didn’t see them on the menu), and after a quick walk out/in they’re happy to get started with their prep. To start with the rice cooker is stuffed, but after a quick call to dad the secondary rice cooker is called up to replace an out of form Brad Hodge. Quails are a-smoking and given they’re preparing them in batches AND they have to de-bone them, it’s all quail, quail, quail. The guests are arriving and Peter is lamenting how he cares not for any of the others are he feels betrayed by them. Poor Peter. Poor independently wealthy Peter.

Nic & Rocco continue to fill the roles of the village idiots you have when your normal village idiots are too smart to be there. Megan & Andy think Peter just needs to grow up as they steal his pencil case from his school bag. Peter’s intentionally quiet because he wants the others to feel the pressure for what they’ve done. BONG BONG Pete & Manu are here. “This is where competition starts for us,” says Emily, failing to account they’ve been in a competition for the ENTIRE SHOW.

Sam’s apparently asian, but no one’s quite sure. The girls are busy cooking their rolls and they plate and serve entree. Jillian points out there’s no chopsticks and Gary wonders why he’s got a maple leaf of coriander on his. STAY ON THEME, GIRLS! Somehow McDonald’s have been tricked into sponsoring My Kitchen Rules which continues to puzzle all concerned.

Pete likes the dish but thinks they rolls are far too salty. It reminded him of Manu’s chocolate salty balls. The girls taste another again back in the kitchen and agree they’re too salty. Too late now, girls. Everyone’s complaining about the salt rolls they’ve been served, and Carly & Emily are worried about completing their quail de-boning in a quick enough time. The time’s a ticking. 90 minutes since entree and still now dinner. Peter hopes everyone else “stabs them in the back like they did us” for the late delivery of the main.

Emily nicks out to the table and apologises while offering more drinks. Megan & Andy get as bitchy as Peter about him not moving on and him expecting everyone else to score based on the delay like they scored. Nic & Rocco make a joke about “tits”, laugh and we move on. One hour and forty-five minutes later main is served.

Nic, wanting to get into Carly & Emily’s pants, notes how taken he is with this dish and the main meal. Manu thinks the quail has been cooked great but smoked for too long. Peter loves the presentation though the smokey smoke smoke quail and underdone beans also detract. Expecting zero, it’s onwards and upwards for dessert. Everyone has a different opininon as to what isn’t that great with the main – surprisingly lots of different things. Peter’s not looking forward to dinner; Nic certainly is; Sam doesn’t see how the fusion will work – she is, after all, asian.

The girls hope their dessert will redeem them because the cakes look great. Scientician Andrew notes that the delivery of the dessert would have been ahead of Peter & Gary’s main on time alone, so that can’t be a bad thing. The girls are hoping that their cake is good: it’s impressive. Pete notes the crossing of cultures is a difficult thing and they’ve nailed it. Manu also loved it in his own special, intimate way. The dessert isn’t completely well received across the board as not everyone’s a ginger fan.

Time to bring home the numbers. Team Tas – 6; Team WA – 7; Team Sa – 8; Team NSW – 6; Team Qld – 6. Total score 33/50. Before we hear the judges score, it’s A TWIST!!! Quick, everyone down to Federation Square in Melbourne to hear the final scores and learn of this earth-shattering change to the game. Someone will end up in the danger zone.

Once the teams are marshalled, it’s final comments from everyone. Peter’s gonna be pissed off if they are pushed into elimination. He’s also confident that their meal was better than Carly & Emily’s meal.
“Do you think you’ll beat them?” asks Manu’s body double.
“That’s not what I said,” says Peter.

There’s lots of beeping as Peter & Gary learn what the other guests scored Carly & Emily. Beep. They’re beeping pissed off.

Pete and Manu scored:
P Entree – 5; M Entree – 7
P Main – 3; M Main – 4
P Dessert – 9; M Dessert – 8
Overall score: 69/110
Carly & Emily are rapt. This also pushes them into second, and Peter & Gary into the danger zone. They’re asking for permission to buzz the tower, but they’re denied because the pattern is full.

All the teams from Group 1 are now frog-marched out to join Group 2 so they can all be briefed on the next and most interesting twist. All 6 bottom groups are all lined up, and the top teams are told they’re safe for now. The bottom 6 teams have to battle it out in an instant restaurant elimination round – way to milk the franchise, production team. Megan’s shocked they are going around the entire country again. She’ll have to get permission from her Dad, so she turns to Andy and asks him.

“Payback’s a bitch,” says Peter. Starting with Victorians Thomas & Carla we’re gonna find out just how much of a bitch very shortly.