The Block Sky HighSun 6:30pm, Mon-Thu 7pm, Ch9

Welcome to another recap of The Block: Sky High, the show named for exactly how high the producers have to be to come up with some of these challenges.

Now, the Wednesday episodes are the episodes with off-site challenges that aren’t really relevant to anything, so you can probably skip this*.

*Please don’t. Please.

As the episode begins, the Blockheads are summoned to something called Spacecraft in Collingwood. If this isn’t a replica spaceship that they have to build/repair/renovate, then I am NOT interested.

Before this, though, the contestants are taking photos with the cameras that Scotty gave them all (incidentally; they are really nice cameras. Those guys should hang on to them, if they can. Then give one to me).

On their way to Collingwood, the teams just criticise each other’s driving, which will just have to do on the days that they can’t criticise each other’s decorating.

They arrive, to find Shelly (who – I’m nearly sure of this – is NOT just Scott in a wig). She gives them the challenge of turning their favourite Melbourne photos into two “funky” pieces by transferring them onto furniture. It’s actually kind of a cool idea, but there are exactly zero spaceships involved, so I am OUT.

Shelly introduces textile artist Stewart Russell, mentor and judge for today. He seems like he takes his screen-printing very seriously, which is for the best. There’s no call for horseplay or shenanigans here at Spacecraft.

Soon, the contestants are racing around town, looking for pieces of furniture to print onto in order to create their decorative pieces. Matt wants to pay five hundred dollars for a two-and-a-half thousand dollar sideboard, because he doesn’t really understand how numbers work.

He explains his tactic of just pounding the sales staff with talking until they give him what he wants. Now, here is a fun fact: I am a salesman in my day job. Another fun fact: I kind of want to slap Matt right now.

They eventually get back, and all of the teams get down to the actual printing. Alisandralasilla are struggling, adding more and more colours and pieces to their print to the point where it looks like something that came out of a haunted photocopier.

Meanwhile, George is slicing a tram into pieces (which is something that any Melbourne public transport user has wanted to do at some point).

In his frustration, he turns to Jarrod, and then we’re treated to a slow-motion, soft-focus montage of George and Jarrod’s most intimate moments. Then after reminding himself of the inspiring power of friendship, George is able to concentrate and manages to get some printing done. It’s so gosh-darn heartwarming that I think I’m going to cry.

At the next station, Johnno is in the zone. He worked as a signwriter, back in the day, so this is coming very easily to him. I don’t want to be the one who suggests sabotage to the other teams, but – if the other teams are reading – may I suggest… sabotage?

Matt and Kim are also struggling. Of his own piece, Matt says, “that looks like a three year old did it.” Given his first bedroom challenge, it’s unclear whether or not that means that he’s really happy with it.

They move on from the paper and try their luck on the bench seat itself, and it looks great. See, guys? Throw caution to the wind! Paint straight onto the bench! Use a stuffed tortoise as a footstool! Tile your kitchen with old teeth!

Sadly – in screen printing, as in life – time runs out, and the hour of judgement falls.

Stewart likes Trixie and Johnno’s, which Johnno expected. Lyssandralisa are less confident, but still gets high praise from Stewart. Does he just like everything?

…No, it turns out, because he’s less enthusiastic about Bec and George’s.

Madi and Jarrod get a pretty good judgement, then it’s Matt and Kim’s turn. They think that their piece turned out “amazing”, so I’m prepared for them to be verbally trashed. Surprisingly, Stewart agrees with them, which just makes me feel even worse for Bec and George.

Then the teams are gathered, and Matt and Kim are named the winners. Everybody is surprised; me. You. Matt and Kim. Shelly. Passers by on the street. God himself.

The next day, the Blockheads have returned to the site, to continue work on their master bedrooms/dressing rooms. Trixie is explaining how sad she is that they lost the screen printing challenge, and I’m just wondering whether I’ve seen her smile even once on this show.

Their new bed arrives, which is exciting, but the room isn’t ready for it to be set up. Trixie is rescued from the dreaded smile once more.

Jarrod, meanwhile, is concerned that he’s running behind. He’s still doing things while other teams are doing other things, and this is possibly bad.*

*I do not know a lot about home renovation. I only just figured out what that knob on the door does. No more climbing through the window for me!

Matt and Kim are spending their day shopping for bed linens, while Matt complains about his back injury that will surely flare up today (screen printing is very demanding, physically). In contrast, George and Bec seem pretty relaxed while they shop for lighting. They can’t, after all, just rely on the light generated by a series of really good ideas. Sophie and Dale tried that last year.

On level 3, George is excited about his “floor-to-ceiling bedhead.” Isn’t that just… a wall?

Meanwhile, Matt is planning for his floor. It sounds like he’s just using normal building materials, which is disappointing. What about a floor made of dreams?

Later, some of The Block’s all-stars pop by to visit and offer some advice. The advice seems to mainly boil down to “YOU ARE CRAZY PEOPLE GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN”, but it’s well-intentioned.

Duncan is just trying to convince people of the virtues of urinals, which I remember from last year. Is this guy funded by the urinal lobby? Are you in the pocket of “Big Wee”, Duncan?!

Then the episode wraps up, with the promise of some very dramatic happenings tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Dan Hall is a frequent TV watcher and occasional TV writer-abouter. He can be found on twitter (@danieljohnhall).