The Block Sky High – Sun 6:30pm, Mon-Thu 7pm, Ch9
http://homes.ninemsn.com.au/theblock/
The chaos of last night rolls over into tonight. Will Madi ever entirely rehydrate? Will Trixie cry again? Will Posh & Becs uncover more family members they can employ? What will the judges make of these very rushed first attempts?
The relief for the contestants is palpable. But the judges are not soft: Herr Neale, HRH Queen Shaynna of the Block and Dazza.
WA’s Matt & Kim are first (and we’re reminded how hard they found reading a map and that Matt’s a carpet cutter). Queen Shaynna instantly notes there’s no theme and it’s not 5 star (and is looking especially spunky). Neale likes some of the moments like the rack and the table, and Dazza likes the wallpaper. There’s not too many other likes until they get to the bathroom – though the shower head is very, very low. They all agree it’s a big effort for 48 hours, but not good enough.
Qld’s Johnno & Trixie are next (and we relive the stairs and the tears). The room’s very green and there’s a surprise on the edge of the door – Dazza thinks it’s very boutique hotel. Neale doesn’t like the cupboard or the camouflage army man in the corner of the room. No TV make Homer something something. The ceiling in the bathroom makes it pop and all three judges love the bathroom though Queen Shaynna would like some kind of storage (but the mirror works).
NSW’s Madi & Jarrod started out seeking fortune and glory (short song, but it’s a hell of a story). All the judges like the plywood ceiling and the paint tray bar fridge thing, though there’s some detail lacking. Everyone loves a good stag. Impressive tiling in the bathroom – check. Mirror big and storage – check. Everyone happy, happy, happy.
SA’s Twiins are still unable to be separated and possibly mixed up during the recap (just as well their plasterer can tile – even though he didn’t finish). Dazza can feel the panic, Queen Shaynna likes the picture frame and not much else, and Neale is pleased with the thought they’ve put in but it all just feels so rough and unfinished. The bathroom reflects it – stress and ectoplasm oozing out of every crack in the tiles. “They’ve got ideas,” says Neale, “It’s just a shame they’re not good ones.”
Vic’s Posh & Becs finish the judging with a recounting of their breakdowns and hugs. Dazza doesn’t think it meets the luxury 5-star brief. Neale thinks it is the most traditional of all the rooms, and the black is a bold move that doesn’t pay off. Dazza digs some of the features in the bathroom but it’s all a bit depressing (and that’s just the old Greek uncle sitting on the loo as they enter). Again the execution has let them down overall.
It’s a tough decision and so the judges are off to have a coffee and a macaron to discuss their scores. So much rests on these numbers you’d think it was budget night.
The contestants all assemble across the road with their bags because they mistook the instruction and though they were moving to “the real block”. The results are in and as Scotty so eloquently puts it: “Some of you got five stars, and some of you completely fucked it.”
Posh & Becs pull third place (“It lacked personality”). Matt & Kim in fourth (“The final result looked very dated”). The Twiins end up last (“The judges could see what you were trying to do, but they could also see you ran out of time”). That’s all pretty brutal this early on – but necessary to put them all in their place early.
The judges commend Trixie & Johnno for their risk taking, and Madi & Jarrod for their european-style room. In the end it’s all the crybabies way and they choose the 5th floor (which gets right up Posh & Becs’s nose). Madi & Jarrod take fourth, Posh & Becs third, Matt & Kim second and the Twiins land on the first floor.
Scotty reminds them that it’s all about to get a whole bunch harder and that with an opportunity like this they shouldn’t blow it. Surely that would call into question the structural integrity of the entire building if one team did that? Anyway – the game proper is called on and the contestants return to The Block to finally explore their floor. For sure. Now open the door. To the core. Just like the days of yore. Please, no more.
There’s a passing platitude from Scotty that every Block sold in the past has been on the ground floor so there’s no telling what could happen. Except that the highest floor will likely sell for the highest price, genius. Becs says something to camera about how the middle is the best but her adequacy just gets in the way and nobody listens.
The Twiins, being on the lowest floor, get in first and naturally inspect the challenge room and critique it. They opt to maybe keep the banana. Matt & Kim check out the winning room on Level 2 and confirm that the winners deserve it. Posh & Becs move into Level 3 and question the wow factor of the second place room.
Jarrod & Madi on Level 4 get a look over the Twiins bathroom and are glad it’s not theirs. Trixie & Johnno move into the penthouse and confirm they won’t use anything left for them but they’re dead keen to get started. Like Jarrod & Madi who take to another door on their floor with a crowbar and struggle to open it. That’ll have to change for a start.
As the door (eventually busts open they discover the week 1 challenge – a bedroom and ensuite. “At least we know where we went wrong with the last one,” offers Kim, glass half full. The all eventually discover their gift room full of tools and vouchers. Becs starts mainlining the Swisse product immediately, while Twiin 1 rides the mop like a hobby horse. So soon and she cracked.
They then all assemble in the foyer to find where the Mitre 10 shed is, a car yard, and an ATM with cards topped up with $80,000 for each of them. Good luck and back to work, Blockheads.
“The last 48 hours have been the hardest of my life,” offers Becs. “This and that time I got a bad manicure in Bali. So tough.”
In a piece they prepared earlier each team was presented with a full set of plans by site foreman Keef. The Blockinator is back and sure to make their lives a living hell. We’ve all come to love Keef – time for this batch to do the same. Remember, you’re either with him or against him.
The Twiins didn’t understand an ensuite in each room and decided they want to change their floor immediately. They summon an agent to give them an idea on the local market. He confirms that the ensuites must stay and that they should put a conversation pit in immediately.
Posh & Becs summon a mate – George, a bricklayer. He admits straight up he’s doing favours and that he’s happy to do what it takes to get Posh over the line… WHATEVER IT TAKES. The Twiins summon an old Block builder to help them with their challenge because they know they’ll need the help. Plus he knows the buzzwords and mentions Wow factor ™ a lot. He tasks them with their first jobs and they immediately question him. Good times.
Matt & Kim have already got their entire plan laid out and want an art influence in each room – Jackson Pollock in this first room. It’ll be a big risk, but with that can come big reward (or big controversy).
Becs’s Mum has offered to wash dirty clothes for EVERYone because they just wanna be friends with everyone – cue sizzle for future conflict between the teams and clear gangs forming, prepping for a Ron Burgundy style knife fight in the park across the road.
Matt & Kim are kicking on late into the evening with the sledgehammer breaking tiles to try to get ahead, forgetting that a completely concrete building will resonate all that thumping right through the entire building. Madi & Jarrod, who are already in bed, find the time to do a video diary entry on it. Instead of working. When will these kids ever learn.
The camera crews beat the contestants out of bed again, and the migration to Level 4 begins for showers because that’s the only one with hot water. Enter the tradies and the demolition begins in earnest. Baths ripped out, tiles smashed, poo puns delivered.
The gangs are starting to form: Johnno & Trixie with Madi & Jarrod are the first to reveal their hands. The Twiins are struggling to hold the “tile-removing tool” and so it becomes another two-fer. Not the last we’ll see.
Bec’s mum returns not only with the laundry but also food. FOOD. The offer to do it every week will prove divisive and even more entertaining as the cracks become chasms in the inter-team relationships.
Matt & Kim’s Jackson Pollock room is going ahead full steam and it looks to be pretty bold – half carpet, half polished concrete and half white, half colour splats. (SPOILER: I’ve seen it finished and it looks AMAZING and will polarize for sure.)
NEWSFLASH: The Twiins are frustrating each other already. News at eleven.
In finding the key, still embedded in Posh & Becs’s room after the washing, they discover Posh’s plumber who they think is his brother but turns out to be his gay lover. “We’re just good friends,” offers Posh. The Twiins are dirty at the thought of family working for cheap for Posh & Becs but intend to push on regardless. After all, what choice do they have?
For people with taste the vermiculite ceilings all have to go, and it’s horrible. Enter Keef to tell all the contestants that they’ll HAVE to remove the crap up there as they want 2400mm ceilings and they need to use a special acoustic insulation which means – it HAS to go anyway. No covering it up Speedy Gonzales style.
Time for a visit from The Block’s Architect, looking suspiciously nothing like the Architect from The Matrix, to reinforce that the vermiculite must go. Crazy, crazy! He’s doing amazing deals on mobiles too.
The Twiins’ builder Shiran is worried where the girls are – he was expecting them to get more demo work done and instead they’re shopping. Danger danger.
With five levels of stuff being delivered there’s a concern that stuff may accidentally be claimed – like some channelling that Matt is missing that Jarrod signed for and he’s claiming the “first in, best dressed” rule. Strike one. The Twiins return (“You can hardly call us lazy – we’ve been shopping.”) and immediately drop into the defensive. Now though it’s their turn to cry because they miss the family. “We don’t have time to do anything.” [SOB]. “It’s like we’re in some kind of competition.”
Tomorrow night it’s the revenge of the insulation and the first opportunity for Keef to flex his muscle. Also: mistakes! So much awesome…