The Block Sky High – Sun 6:30pm, Mon-Thu 7pm, Ch9
Time for me to check in once more with The Block: Sky High (so named for the explosives that are strategically placed throughout the house, ready to blow the whole thing when somebody fails a challenge badly enough).
It’s the morning after the judges inspected the teams’ first rooms, and Trixie is crying already because she was half a point behind the challenge winners. Look, Trixie; it’s all well and good to be emotional, but if you’re cracking already, the next few weeks might get pretty rough. This is The Block. It’s going to get real.
The teams all head back to the building to check out each other’s rooms (a bedroom and an en suite per team). They begin with Bec and George’s winning entry, and everybody is down on it, even though the other contestants come from a completely unbiased, objective place and have no personal stake in Bec and George failing.*
Jarrod says that Bec and George’s bedroom is “black and white”, which is less a criticism and more just an accurate description. But he says it like he’s offering something profound, so that counts for something.
Trixie points out that the winners didn’t even finish their paint job, so I hope that someone is just as pedantic about their room (not because I’m petty, but because I care about details. Just like Trixie). Trixie and Johnno’s rooms are up next, and everybody loves the bedroom. Do they love it more than they loved Bec and George’s, or do they just feel more free to say so because Trixie and Johnno didn’t win? I guess we’ll never know.
Then we’re off to Madi and Jarrod’s rooms on Level 4. Alisa (or Lysandra) tells Lysandra (or Alisa) that their bedroom is her favourite, perhaps because she feels that bedrooms should be boring so that their users are not too distracted to sleep.
Alisa and Lysandra’s rooms on Level 1 are next, and everyone thinks their bedroom is lame but their en suite is awesome. Look, guys; nobody is stopping you from sleeping in the en suite.
Finally, the contestants visit Matt and Kim’s Jackson Pollock-inspired bedroom, which – apparently – is the most controversial room in the history of The Block. Are we all forgetting that dining room from season 2 that was stacked high with dead bodies?!*
*It’s possible that I dreamed that.
After they’ve all seen the other teams’ rooms, everyone is just annoyed that Bec and George won. This is apparently different from just being annoyed that they each didn’t win, but it certainly feels the same. But what do I know? I didn’t study for five years at Blockversity to be a certified Blockhead.
The next day, Trixie is still crying and trash-talking Bec and George, which is an interesting* choice for her/the show’s editors to make in terms of having the audience like her.
Matt says, as he wakes up, “the judges are weak-willed, ill-mannered, and have bad hair.” He is surprisingly articulate for someone who is still in bed. Although, guys, come on; you filled a couple of Super Soakers with paint and went crazy on your bedroom wall. Don’t act like you’re Vincent Van Gogh, going unrecognised in your own lifetime (I am reasonably certain that was the case with Van Gogh, because I saw it on Doctor Who).
Scott explains this week’s challenge, in which the teams have to renovate two bathrooms – a “his” and a “hers”, which will be right next to each other. Is this a thing? Do people have adjacent, gendered bathrooms? Can’t you just keep two towels in the one bathroom? Am I the last sane man in a world gone mad?!
Matt and Kim head out to shop for bathroom fixtures, and they’re having trouble choosing. You just point at the toilet and say “give me a toilet”, right? I mean, how many different toilets are there to choose from? “I’m sick of water. Give me the sand-filled toilet!”
As everyone else leaves to go supply-shopping, Bec is complaining about how inconsiderate everyone else is. Apparently they use her toilet paper, and leave the cars without petrol in them. It is awful and I hate it. Meanwhile, Alisandralisa are driving in complete silence and it is glorious.
While everyone else shops, Matt and Kim are working on their room. The show makes a point of highlighting that Kim is doing manual labour while Matt is on the phone, and it is another moment that would seem a little old-fashioned and sexist were it not for the new Masterchef promos. Congrats, Masterchef, on lowering the bar for everyone else!
Bec returns to the site and calls everyone else away from their rooms for a petrol-related meeting. They all agree to fill the cars up with petrol and I wonder why we even had to see this bit.
Lysandralisa have decided to install a steam room in their bathroom, which they refer to as “a game-changer” because they’ve seen reality TV promos and so they know that you have to use that phrase once every ten minutes (approx.).
Of course, what Alandrasalisa DON’T know is that – through the tradie grapevine – Johnno has happened upon the idea (without knowing that the twins are doing it) and wants to do one for he and Trixie’s room. Scandal!
This is a concern. Lysandrasalisa will be STEAMING when they find out about this!
Thank you and good night.
Dan Hall is a frequent TV watcher and occasional TV writer-abouter. You can read more of his TV-related writing at the-flack.com, and follow him on twitter (@danieljohnhall)