The Block All StarsSun 6:30pm; Mon-Thu 7pm, Ch9
It’s 7 o’Block!

Dani and Jenna are besties now, so they’re painting their nails and talking about the cutest guy in school (Duncan). Dani has a money-saving plot to steal turf from a local oval for their backyards. Jenna decides she will pick up some swings on their little crime spree. We are prompted to suspend our sympathy for their money woes by a clip that reminds us that D’n’Dani spent $5500 on a bathtub and J’n’Jenna spent $20 000 on marble.

Mark and Duncan (and Dale) have been pretty frugal and doing a lot of work themselves, and they’re left with about $4000 for their BBQ and outdoor furniture. This should see them over the line, but as luck would have it, Dale and Duncan have won the right to open a safe today. Duncan is hoping for an unexpected cash injection, while Dale is hoping it’s a big moustache so he’ll fit in better with the rest of the team.  Scott comes in with some stupid platitudes and escorts them to the safe at Josh and Jenna’s. Duncan gives Dale the combination and he slowly turns the dial while we get a good look at the manufacturer’s logo. The safe opens and their excitement can mean only one thing: moustache.

I have to wait a whole ad break to find out that it isn’t a moustache. To their delight, they’ve won $5400 and a quad bike. Duncan can’t wait to tell Mark. They call him to talk him through it, pausing only to giggle at the word “knob”.

Dani and Jenna are sniping about the kitchen again and having clearly read my recap yesterday, Dan tries to film them. They immediately refuse to continue saying interesting things.

Amity is going to miss all the laughing when she leaves The Block.

The next morning, Dale happily recounts a dream where he rode a quad bike. Duncan is having a quiet cuppa outside. He’s feeling positive and thinks they’ll get things finished off nicely.

Dan is having a crack at being a true blue Bondi boy, which means he’ll need a couple of bottles of fake tan, a new career as a personal trainer and an endless supply of anecdotes about organic muesli. He settles instead for a lady hat, surfboard and some comically colourful budgie smugglers as he strides down to the beach, brimming with blokey irony. The mocking laughter is too much however, and he doesn’t make it to the beach. Back at The Block, he accessorises his undies with a toolbelt and wanders around posing, as the cameraman indulges in close-ups that amount to mild sadism. Duncan offers Dan $50 bucks if he stays in the outfit all day. It’s almost 1% of a bathtub so Dan agrees heartily. He strides off to put on a lot of sunscreen. Duncan sums it up, “The Block’s broken him.”

Everyone is pleased by Dan’s happy undies, especially the tradies. Phil says its revenge for the power scandal. You clearly don’t want to get on Phil’s bad side, or he’ll take credit for something mildly silly that you do for $50 and giggles. Oh no, wait, there’s more. Phil offers him an extra $50, as long as the money goes to charity. Everyone starts offering him money now it’s going to charity, tucking $50 and $100 notes into his undies. He feels objectified and goes away for a little weep.

Josh and Jenna are trying to make a fantastic garden for not much money. Just like everyone else.

Amity and Phil have a payback plan for Dan and Dani. It begins with taking the scantily clad Dan to Westfield Bondi for some “public humiliation” and ends with them winning the entire show. Clearly no one has the slightest concept of how revenge should go. First, you get their prize racehorse…

Dan is painting some grey walls a different shade of grey.

Phil is taking Dan down to Westfield for his undies parade. Hilarity ensues when a traffic cone gets caught under the wheels of their Suzuki.

Amity is table shopping. She’s complaining again about her budget taking a hit, which is making me shout things at the screen. Even with a great week, you can’t count on winning $10 000, especially when you don’t even try to win a challenge for a point that you KNOW can snake the win from you. Stop complaining, you passive aggressive whiny woman.

Dan and Phil have arrived at Westfield to get monies for charity. They head up an escalator and Phil gives Dan a friendly smack on his bottom. They both laugh manfully. Dan goes straight to a food court and threatens diners with his nakedness, so they all pony up lots of money for Cystic Fibrosis, which is an excellent cause. I’d still really like Dan to put his clothes back on.

Josh and Jenna are nearly completely out of money. They’re planning to do decking and an outdoor kitchen, which sounds ambitious for having zero dollars.

Jeff the swimming man has come to see Dan and his undies. He’s brought a cheque from Speedo for $1000 for the cause. He’s also brought Dan some personalised Speedos. He takes them down to the local beach to do some boat challenge – I wasn’t really paying attention. He caps off his Day In Happy Undies by eating a kilo of ribs in a local restaurant.

Josh is getting overwhelmed at the prospect of doing his own tiling and building his own kitchen. He can’t figure out how Phil and Amity can afford to pay trades for the entire job. Phil pops up on our screen to tell us that they’re about $5000 over budget if they finish to completion – which sounds like realistically, there’s a little left to play with. Either way, Josh thinks they may be cheating by not paying their trades. He says they’ve cheated before. In the first season? I missed it!

The Blockheads get a text from Scott to tell them that they’re going camping overnight. Everyone is unthrilled. No one wants to leave The Block for a full 24 hours. They lug their gear down to a pier where Shelley rocks up on a luxury yacht and tells them to get on board. Camping means tinned spag toasties and UHT milk, not fancying around Sydney Harbour on a boat. Dan is paranoid it’s all about to go downhill, but everyone else seems to relax. Dale and Duncan were overcome by romance and performed a beautiful re-enactment of the famous Titanic scene, although I don’t remember Jack poking his head through Rose’s legs.

They arrive at Cockatoo Island, where they’ll be staying for the next 24 hours. The Blockheads are informed that they’ll be creating a sculpture/piece of outdoor furniture/art thing. Amity’s decided to let Phil off the leash for this one. Winner gets $5000 for charity and $3500 for their reno. There’s another $3500 up for grabs for the sculpture that the public like best.

Tomorrow: everyone arts!