Survivor: Caramoan – Fans v Favourites – Thu 7:30pm, GO!
Anyone miss the Specialist? No? ME NEITHER!

Enil Edam are back at camp after three immunity necklaces saved Reynold, Eddie and Malcolm, forcing Phillip and his red undies out of the game. It was a big move from the three very happy boys, who now find themselves without immunities and in a 6-3 game.

Dawn is hugging and congratulating the three boys, because meaningless platitudes mean more than her stabbing them in the back repeatedly. I’d really respect the game she was playing if she owned her ruthlessness but she’s still sunning around like Pleasant von Nicelington and it makes me very, very angry.

Cochran is celebrating never having to say ‘Stealth’R’Us’ again, which is gratifying, but shows again how pathetic it was that they let someone so ridiculous boss them around for a month. Erik is excited that he gets to talk to people he wasn’t allowed to talk to before and maybe even vote in his own best interests. It’s an impressive display of agency all around.

It’s the next morning and everyone is having a low day. Everyone is shaken up and tired and starving. Brenda is in tears. She’s low on sleep, food, water and has lost a lot of weight. She was tiny to begin with so it’s not surprising that the intensity of the game is beginning to get to her.

Tree mail comes with envelopes of money for everyone – $500 each. It’s the Survivor auction, which means nearly everyone will get food today. We LOVE the Survivor auction. Malcolm knows he needs to forego bidding on food to try and get an advantage – there’s usually a challenge advantage for sale.

Jeff explains how it’s going to work. Bidding will be in $20 increments. No sharing of money, no sharing of food. The auction will end without warning so if you see something you like, bid.

The first person to bid $20 gets the first item; a beer. It hasn’t even hit the table when Malcolm yells for it. He also gets some nuts, pretzels and bonus beers but he’s lost the ability to immediately bid $500 for an advantage and he knows that it may have cost him. Still, the look of yearning on poor little Eddie’s face as he watches Malcolm swill his beer is heartbreaking.

The second item remains covered: Reynold wins it for $180. Before he can get up, Jeff gives him the option to swap for a second covered item OR a third. It’s completely ridiculous but in a happy, Survivor auction kind of way. Reynold decides to stick with his original item. Jeff reveals that the third item was a rotten coconut. Unfortunately, what he won was a single slice of pizza and what he passed up was the rest of the pizza. Without being asked, Sherri bids her entire $500 for the rest of the pizza. Jeff says yes. Poor Reynold.

The next item is a whole roast chicken. Dawn bids $500 and shoves the entire bird in her face.

The fourth item is information for the game. Malcolm bids $480, knowing that anyone without food can take it away from him immediately. Cochran and Brenda look pained but they’re too hungry. It’s Malcolm’s. He has 60 seconds to memorise comprehensive instructions to the next immunity idol.

The next item is covered but Brenda, Erik and Andrea all bid for it. Brenda is terrified of wasting her money and dying for some food. Andrea  pays $280 for a big plate of pasta, garlic bread and a glass of wine. There’s a catch though and she trades it for a sack of rice and a sack of beans for the tribe.

The next one is an advantage in the next immunity challenge and Cochran buys is for $340.

Another covered item. Brenda is sick of waiting and bids $300. She is already on the verge of tears and Jeff lifts the cover to reveal pig brains. Brenda doesn’t cry but is completely crushed. She eats a fork of the brains and limps back to her seat.

The next item is an easy one: letters from home. Anyone with $20 can get their envelope. Everyone but Dawn, Sherri and Malcolm has money left. Dawn and Sherri immediately break down and Malcolm is pretty close.

The last item is a giant bowl of peanut butter for everyone to share. Eddie buys it and they all shove their hands in. They can take back anything on their hands and faces so everything gets smeared in peanut butter and they head back to camp.

Back at camp, everyone’s scraping the excess peanut butter into an empty coconut. The mood has shifted dramatically. Everyone has food in their stomach or letters from home. Everyone is reading letters and crying. Cochran is particularly emotional.

Reynold and Malcolm start trying to romance Sherri into flipping. She doesn’t take much convincing and if they can nail down Erik, 3 just became 5 in a game of 9.

Malcolm waits for very early morning before sneaking off to find the idol under the cover of darkness. His instructions have been pretty explicit and he starts poking around near the well. Andrea has seen him go and soon arrives with Cochran to exchange passive-aggressive pleasantries with Malcolm and try and snake the idol. Andrea sits cross-legged on a stump, watching Malcolm. Malcolm doesn’t want to search with her there. This continues for some hours before they both finally agree to go back to camp.

It’s time for the immunity challenge. Everyone will support a wooden pole with a rope. The poles are weighted to match the weights at which that they entered the game. At regular intervals, everyone moves their hands further down the rope, making it harder. Cochran opens his advantage, which is the right to move up two rope notches at any time. At the second notch, Cochran uses his advantage and returns to his original position. Smart move.

After 25 minutes, everyone is struggling but still in. Brenda is the first one out, closely followed by Erik. Now everyone is out of notches and hanging onto the end of the rope – except Cochran. Sherri is out, followed by Malcolm. Andrea’s slips and Dawn, still struggling, calls out to God. Then she almost says a very bad curse word and drops her pole. Reynold calls out and it’s between Cochran and Eddie. Cochran is starting to slip, even with the two knot advantage. Eddie is slipping and starts swearing. He loses it and Cochran has scored his second individual immunity.

Cochran spends some time talking about how he’s the greatest. Whatever.

Malcolm doesn’t want to go and dig for the idol, because he thinks that the girls will chase him and dig around him. Which they probably will. Instead he decides to try and lock down Sherri’s vote and hope for a split vote situation from the major alliance. Sherri agrees and they swear with the pinky kissy thing. Sherri basically just wants to work with whoever will be winning so she’s torn between the three bros and the major alliance.

I feel like Malcolm should go dig.

Reynold is trying to sway Erik, who also seems happy to work with the boys. He’s playing both sides and enjoying having options. Dawn senses Erik is swaying and lays on the guilt, mum-style.

Sherri does some monologue about being the one controlling the game right now. That’s stretching it, love.

Tribal. The jury comes in – Phillip has a completely bald head and looks tres menacing. There’s a conversation but it’s not that exciting. Vote time.

Everyone votes. Jeff asks if anyone wants to play an idol and Malcolm is silent. The first vote is for Reynold, the second for Malcolm, the third for Andrea. The next three are Reynold, Malcolm and Andrea. The next three are again Reynold, Malcolm and Andrea. It’s a three way tie and everyone must vote again. No one has flipped and the three Amigos know that they’re in trouble.

The votes start coming up Malcolm and he says his goodbyes to his friends.

I am devastated.

Next week, as if there’s any point watching it now: cracks start to form in the alliance, but none of them manage to develop any kind of personality.