Survivor: Caramoan – Fans v Favourites – Thu 7:30pm, GO!
Ohhhhh finally it’s Thursday.

Back at the beach, Stealth’R’Us have a super exclusive meeting to pat themselves on the back for getting rid of Michael. The three bros are fairly cheerful about being ostracised, which makes sense since the only vaguely fun people on the other alliance are Brenda and Cochran.

The next morning, the camp is disturbed by Dawn’s hysterical screams. Brenda runs to see what happens and finds out that Dawn has lost her retainer in the lagoon. She lost some of her bottom teeth in an accident and has some falsies attached so this is a big deal. Dawn is frantic and threatening to pull herself from the game. She refuses to face the camera. I’m not a fan of Dawn but this is really heart-wrenching, seeing someone’s greatest insecurity laid bare for the world. I’m guessing she’s low on sleep and food as well so you wouldn’t be at your most resilient. Brenda stays incredibly calm and gets the dive mask on. Within seconds she’s dived down and retrieved the retainer. Dawn’s gratitude is indescribable and while I believe she did it out of kindness, Brenda knows she just won a vote for the million.

It’s time for a reward challenge. You run on a beam, slide into mud, dig out a bag of balls, tunnel through rice and then shoot the balls into a basket on a pole. The winning team of five are going to a resort for a swim in a pool, cocktails and a big, meaty lunch. It’s a fairly uneventful challenge, save for Sherri taking seventy years to trot slowly over the easiest part of the challenge. Suffice to say, her team loses. They probably would have anyway, but she clinches the suckiness.

Erik, Cochran, Dawn, Phillip and Reynold have won a very nice reward. The pool is crystal clear, there’s a spa, an outdoor shower and a veritable feast of meat. Item one is to eat themselves silly – Cochran elegantly explains that protein will help him continue to be the ‘challenge monster’. Dawn finds a bar of soap next to the shower and sniffs it feverishly. Everyone washes off the sweat, mud and rice before wading into the gorgeous pool. Everyone except Phillip, who skips the shower and immediately gets naked in the middle of the pool, an enormous brown mudcloud spreading from his body towards his disgusted teammates. Phillip beams with contentment. “I’m loving life!” Euurrrrggghhhhh.

The sun sets and back at camp, Dawn is lying awake on the beach. She’s enjoyed all of about two hours sleep a night since her backstab-a-thon commenced and is getting paranoid about her alliance and her position in the seven. Andrea has started spending all her time with Malcolm and Eddie and that’s just about enough for a reckless, paranoid Dawn with no sleep. She pulls Cochran and Phillip aside – it’s daytime now, by the way – and tells them she’s done the numbers and she thinks Andrea is planning to flip in order to blindside her. Truly, this woman has not slept. Phillip tries to reassure her but he’s unimpressed with her craziness. Cochran also thinks she’s being irrational and it makes him suspicious.

Right, so, we’re on day 26 and Phillip is still in charge. Still think you’re humouring him, do you? Idiots.

Eddie, Malcolm and Andrea are chatting about burned coconut in the shelter. Dawn is standing next to them, staring blankly. All of a sudden she says, “I don’t know what to do. It’s so hard on me… I need a break,” and walks away. Andrea is concerned but very confused.

Dawn tells Cochran that she feels unstable. She quickly bursts into tears.  Cochran is sympathetic but later, to camera, says that this game is beginning to resemble ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest’.

The next morning and Dawn has slept. She’s going to get her normal on now. Everyone relaxes a little.

Stealth’R’Us have another little meeting to decide which member of the three-way bromance is off tonight. Everyone wants Reynold gone tonight. They’re still planning to split the vote, so Malcolm is still a little bit in trouble too.

It’s time for the immunity challenge. The survivors play in two heats to swim under a platform, collecting two rings. Phillip chooses to sit out the challenge, citing an incident that occurred in his childhood. He’s clearly uncomfortable being underwater for so long. Jeff makes a few gentle digs, Probst-style, and moves on. Four people from the heats move on to the final round and they are Reynold, Andrea, Malcolm and Brenda. The final is the same exercise but with five rings. The swim under the platform is about 10-15 seconds underwater so it’s going to be exhausting for the final four. The boys pull ahead halfway through and Malcolm and Reynold are fighting it out. Reynold takes it by about two seconds and it is a brilliant win.

Reynold thinks Phillip is a sissy for sitting out the challenge, especially with lions and gorillas tattooed all over your body.

Phillip pulls Andrea aside and gives her instructions for the night. They’ll still split the vote, four for Malcolm and three for Eddie.

Malcolm doesn’t want to use his idol if he doesn’t have to so he takes his bros into the jungle to have a hunt around for idols that may be lying around. There’s no one worth sucking up to back at camp, so they really have nothing better to do. Andrea also wants to look for the idol and Dawn agrees, because she hates sitting around doing nothing. They’re all poking around and you feel like someone’s about to find it. They’re all talking, searching, very close together and Dawn makes a crack about Malcolm finding it. About two seconds before Malcolm finds it. Awesome.

Stealth’R’Us climb up into their clubhouse for a meeting. Same plan for the night, forcing Malcolm to play his idol and then bye-bye Eddie.

Eddie is sad.

It’s time for Tribal and Probst is rocking his blue shirt. They all have a nice chat about Reynold winning immunity and Eddie being in big trouble tonight. Andrea brings up Malcolm’s eleventh hour idol find. Malcolm beams very proudly and takes it out of his pocket to show Probst. There’s a bit more chitchat about how Malcolm, Reynold and Eddie get treated like they have the plague at camp and then suddenly Malcolm makes a big, big, big move. He pulls his secret idol out of his pocket and it goes around Eddie’s neck. Eddie’s face shines like Christmas. He happily informs the shocked group of people around him that he’s had that one for a long time, and tonight they’re going to try something. All three of the bromance outcasts have got immunity around their necks. One of the seven are going home. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Not only will they lose a member, THEY WILL HAVE TO VOTE FOR EACH OTHER. Best faces EVER.

Everyone starts hissing ‘Andrea’ at each other and she’s trying to say ‘Phillip’. Even minutes before the vote, they don’t want anyone to know that they’re going home. Malcolm is practically giddy as they attempt to deliberate before announcing that the three amigos will be voting for Phillip, who he calls ‘The Fun Sponge’.  Malcolm thinks the game can still be fun and Phillip ruins it with his military-style attitude. Phillip disagrees. Probst is giving them way too much time to organise themselves. Erik and Phillip make a case for voting the way they originally intended, to force the use of the idols. Phillip says he doesn’t mind going home as long as they don’t try to malign his character. Yeah, sorry Phillip, you’re a SUPER fun guy.

Time to VOTE.

We only see Erik voting for Phillip – except he writes Fillup? I want to like Erik but he’s a few traits short of a personality.

After the vote, Eddie immediately gets up to play his idol and after a quick feint, Malcolm joins him. They know they’re still on the bottom tomorrow but they’re really going to enjoy tonight.

Malcolm is very anxious that he hasn’t wasted an idol and he is, ironically, very relieved to see his name. Two votes Malcolm, four votes Eddie. That’s six of the seven in the alliance, so you can see where this is going. Phillip’s name begins to pop up. HE IS RUINED. PHILLIP IS OUT OF THIS GAME.

He leaves without a look or a word to his tribe and the boys can barely contain their glee. That was amazing.

Next time: the bros are recruiting and it’s AUCTION TIME.

Phillip’s exit interview is brimming with pride. He played an extraordinary game and despite what his alliance thought, maintained control for 26 days. It took three immunity necklaces to get him out and even at the very last, only one of his fellows turned on him. Well done, dude. Now get off my TV.