My Kitchen RulesMon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7
Previously, on My Kitchen Rules, the law of physics were thrown out the window with the baby in the bathwater and nobody saw what hit them. The Gatecrashers v the bottom three has seen everyone turn against Sophia because she’s a complete cow. Dan & Steph get their second dig at their Instant Restaurant but you just know it’s all going to fall apart… especially with the Angry Asian Lesbians watching on. This is the BEST.

We’re back at Qld’s whale watching capital – cue Dan & Steph popping up from behind their roller door. Dan’s mowing the lawn in his pj’s while Steph washes the car, as that’s critical to their success in their instant restaurant. There’s talk of redemption but so very little flannelette covering their arses.

Natassia tries to prove her geek credentials by referring to Star Wars. Lispy reminds us that she’s here to take down Pete’s pants.

Steph needs a map to get around her local Coles(?!?!) but certainly doesn’t need a map to the ice cream aisle. Their dessert has many, many oranges. MANY oranges. Pete thinks their new dessert is possibly too minimal.

Dan drags Steph off to his favourite place, on the way stopping at the butcher. The same butcher he was disappointed with last time? He’s cooking pork knuckle this time so hopes that instead of eating with their eyes that their guests this time use their hands and mouths.

Pete is wary after Dan & Steph’s last pork adventure. This time though they’re braising it in beer, which makes it all better. Allegedly. No pressure. In fact complete pressure.

The menu looks to be… well, honestly, fraught with danger…

Entree – Warm Duck Sausage and beetroot salad.
Main – Pork Knuckle with blue cheese potato gratin and red cabbage.
Dessert – Orange Tian with toasted almonds.

Back from the shops in time to start prep – but not their Instant restaurant – so it’s aprons on and off they go. How else will they achieve their dream of opening a sausage shop? Manu’s excited to see Dan’s sausage. He likes a chunky sausage (as we seen shots of Dan mincing the duck).

So many hopes and dreams for Dan about to be dashed.

It’s all about the ratio for fat to meat – 25/75 for a good sausage, 75/25 for Dan’s body. It’s a lot of hard work stuffing the sausage, just ask Dan. He equates it to giving birth, because it’s exactly the same – though I think he’s mixed up which part of the process it’s like. Then he gets picky with Steph over the potato gratin… he’s such a charmer.

90 minutes to go and Steph has started on the dessert. There’s four key components – biscuit, orange, hope & LSD.

Dan starts simultaneously on the pork knuckle which he’s cooking in a vaccuum bag – but now the machine has stopped working. Poor little thing, he’s tearing up already. Wait until he sees what a mess he makes of the main course later on – then we’ll see tears.

The oven is now the bottleneck with three different dishes all vying for oven space; the most critical of which is the pork knuckle which was to be cooked in vac-bags on the stove but now has to be done in the oven too. For three to four hours. With only an hour of prep left.

It’s gonna be a long night.

Steph is racing to cook the biscuit bases so that they’re done with time to cool so the dessert can be prepped. They dive off to get dresses as the guests walk along the street, and put the pork knuckle in with a minute to spare before the guests all arrive. BING BONG.

Some friends and some tag alongs have arrived. The potted palms are back too, and it’s all Angela & Melina needed to feel like they were in Qld. Kieran offers it has a “classy yet relaxed feel”. Kieran doesn’t get out of his cape and leave the house much when he’s in WA.

D&S have rehashed “Decadence” as their Instant Restaurant name, though it could have been changed easily enough to “Disturbance”. The guests are welcomed and dive off to work further on the meal. Samuel says some now standard nice things about his hosts.

Steph compliments Dan on his sausage. “Best sausage in the world,” says Dan. She loves his sausage. In fact the entree is a sausage fest! (Goodness, I’ve become Adam Richard.)

Casual racism is the order of the day at the table. Angela & Melina don’t like Ashlee & Lispy – but then the latter did just offer to stab the other contestants right now.

Dan’s stoked with the entree – something’s bound to go wrong. It’s like he got all the soothsaying skills Candice professed to have. BING BONG Pete & Manu are back! Pete notes it’s the first time tall the gatecrashers are seated at the table so the conversation should be “interesting”.

Samuel’s wearing the gayest shirt every, and Manu confirms he’s looking forward to Dan’s sausage. Dan & Steph are stoked with the entree and are pleased that they’re finally serving themselves on a plate – including Dan’s sausage (he must have a lot to spare).

There’s all sorts of glances around the table as the judges dive into Dan’s sausage (& Steph’s rooted salad). Pete’s disappointed… the sausages are dry, and the texture is too fine. Dan’s gutted – he wasted his sausage. Many didn’t like the texture either – it could have been anything BUT duck.

Manu recognises Dan’s passion for meat – “I hope your knuckle is going to be a lot better than that – PLEASE!” – and they scurry back to work on main. They digest the criticism in the kitchen and Dan’s physically upset by it all.

At the table, Samuel loves the sausage. Naturally Lispy finds it revolting. Kieran agrees the sausage was dry and he and Natassia both feel for them given they seemed so confident going in.

Dan checks the knuckle – it can’t be dry, that’s now so important to the dish. He ges the knuckles out and tests them after banging on about how they need to not be dry… and they’re dry. Dan’s about to go nuclear with disappointment.

The pork is either raw or dry – Steph hits the bottle. Dan attempts to resurrect the dish by slicing up the meat very, very fine and he’ll braise it independently. They acknowledge it’s gonna look different but it’s what they have to do so that they have a dish to serve. The crisis meeting may have paid off.

There’s more talk at the table: mainly that Ashlee and Lispy don’t like it.

Tasting the meal in the kitchen and while they’ve cut the dish up all the gristle is still in the meat making it inedible. The tears flow freely from both of them as Dan decides they can’t serve the dish. Cue Manu entering the kitchen.

He asks to look at the dish and stares into the pot. After tasting the meat he tells them it’s possible to save the dish by adding some flavour through the braise. “I’ll be more angry if you give up than if you serve the dish, so just cuddle and get on with it,” says Manu. It’s almost like he’s just walked in on Steph stuffing Dan’s sausage again.

Game on – it’s time to deliver a good meal and hope for the best with the pork so that possibly they can survive (they’ve only got to beat 50!). The gratin looks to have made it OK, and the cabbage should be great. Dan’s gonna focus on turning the braising liquid into a jus. There’s spirit in ’em and they’re buoyed by what they could do… all plated, and let’s see how it goes.

Their hero knuckle gone they present the meal for judgement. Will what they’ve done be enough?

Everyone was expecting the the show of the knuckle. “OMG. LOL. It’s a joke,” Lispy has descended into speaking in code. “There’s nothing they can say about the main we haven’t already felt,” says Steph.

Pete quizzes the couple as to what went wrong, while Manu says they ended up with the best sauce they’ve had in the competition. D&S acknowledge they’d not cooked 12 knuckles before and that’s where they mucked up. Pete’s disappointed there’s no pre-oxygenated water in the dish. Manu loves the sauce that came from Dan’s meat.

Melina finds the pork dry but the sauce is great. Samuel loves the jus, while Lispy thinks it’s “vom” and her dogs eat better than this. The Angry Asian Lesbians have polarised everyone.

It’s time to deliver dessert – and there’s a ton of pressure on Dan & Steph and they know it. Building the layered dessert seems to be pretty straight forward, and intelligently Steph’s relegated Dan to “orange segmentation” duty. Then “caramel mixing” duty. Then “shut up and do as you’re told, Dan”.

Lispy is looking for some chocolate to give her the will to live. Dan spits her her dessert especially.

Thee tension is high in the kitchen. Dan can’t watch Steph manufacture the dessert, yet he cannot turn away. Steph flips the desserts onto a board, and there’s tragedy of Napoleonic proportions.

No there’s not. They do have to get them out of the moulds though, and courtesy the Frantelle waterbottle it’s GREAT SUCCESS! The plating has come up a treat and they’re well proud of their final course.

Ashlee thinks that it’s not enough and it doesn’t look very impressive, but then everything and everyone in her life is a constant disappointment.

The judges peel the dish apart, and reveal NOTHING with their tasting faces on. “We’re in pretty desperate, dire straits at the moment,” says Steph looking for Money for Nothing.

Manu refers to the dish as simple but elegant and thinks the dish is a delightful finish to their meal. Pete agrees and notes the dish had flavour and technique, though thinks the almonds could be more activated and possibly more organic. Ashlee & Lispy, of course, disagree entirely.

The Cougar thinks it’s “yum – YUM” and Melina would have licked the plate were she not at the table. “Fruit based desserts don’t really excite me,” offers Lispy. The arrogance is delightful, though the Italian mummas manage to live up to their own stereotypes.

I wonder what the rest of the teams think of the meal overall…

Ali & Samuel – 7. (A: “I loved entree, I loved dessert.”)
Kieran & Natassia – 5. (K: “The sausage was dry, so that was a real let down.”)
Lisa & Stefano – 4.
Ashlee & Sophia – 3. (S: “The meat was like it was electrocuted.”)
Angela & Melina – 3.

Guest total = 22/50. Everyone except Ali & Samuel either has their claws out or is living int he real world. Still, Dan & Steph’s guest score is better than Angela & Melina’s from last night. The judges are likely to be less kind, considering this is their second tilt at an Instant Restaurant…

P Entree – 4; M Entree – 5. (M: “The texture was completely wrong.”)
P Main – 1; M Main – 3. (P: “Everything and anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.”)
P Dessert – 8; M Dessert – 9.

Grand Total = 52/110. The lines seem to be drawn not only by the teams but the judges as well. Out of the fires of defeat rises the phoenix of survival… “You refused to give up tonight and that’s why you made it through,” says Manu. Melina’s now relying on positive energy to get them through (not like it helped them last night!).

Tomorrow night, it’s Kieran & Nastassia’s turn. The Angry Asian Lesbians are declaring World War III on all the other teams. Delicious!