My Kitchen Rules – Mon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7
Ali & Samuel sure showed everyone what it’s like to offer a curry out of a jar. 3 teams down, and Lisa & Candice should still be made fun of for their appalling effort, which is why we’ll profile them again now. Tonight Luke & Scott, the personal eye-candy, are delivering their healthy menu which already has sizzle from Pete & Manu BUT NOT FROM THE BITCHY BEAUTIES. Fancy that.
Bondi. A place where people go to surf and renovate homes in a competitive manner. Luke & Scott are ready to show the teams what they’re made of. They’re good mates – nothing suss – and they reflect that there’s definitely a Bondi stereotype when it comes to body image, but most people ignore it because LOOK – KIM KARDASHIAN!!!
Luke wants that crown, if for no other reason than he has more hair than Scott to keep it on his head.
The PT’s go shopping and note their worst move would be to fail, because nobody likes a failure. Especially Luke. Manu doesn’t like flavourless food but he’s willing to… wait! No sauce in the main. That’s the end of it. Pete is looking forward to their offerings, but then Manu’s stressed about the creme anglaise.
YOU JUST CAN’T PLEASE THE FUCKING FRENCH.
Not even their menu seems to please his Manu-ness…
Entree – Zesty Prawn Salad
Main – Twice cooked spatchcock with kale salad & roasted cherry tomatoes.
Dessert – Spelt, Berry Macaroon Tart with creme anglaise
The boys hurriedly set up their Instant Restaurant “Made In Bondi” aka “Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?”. Prawns deveined (they had no say in the matter, but no more smack parties for them) the entree is prepped in no time.
“Two and a half hours until ding dong,” says Luke, “And we didn’t even invite the old bint.”
Scott dives into the spatchcocks which need a good deboning. Scott’s your man when you need a deboning. Edward de Bono shudders in the corner. “Boney, boney, boney.” Now we’re all shuddering in the corner.
Luke lectures us on good fats, bad fats and ‘meh’ fats. Nobody listens because he took his shirt off to start making the white wine reduction for the main. Scott reminds us they’re personal trainers and they’re hoping for 80 or 90 – “well, then, so be it.”
It’s minutes until the others arrive (“I know the boys won’t be happy putting out,” says Samuel) and so the drinks must be organised. BING BONG they’re here… welcomed in and Sam shares his latent homosexual desires while Cupcake and Joanna wipe their chin after seeing the boys.
Lots of wows as the guests see the Instant Restaurant, but all is forgotten when we see the Bitchy Beauties IN EXACTLY THE SAME MATERIAL BUT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT DRESSES. FFS, somebody stab them now.
Candice reminds us their strategy is to say they hope someone fails but actually to try and talk down everything from the decor to the plating to the guys pants.
Luke & Scott dive into their dessert to make sure it’s ready, knowing full well the judges are but minutes away. Pete’s expecting some health driven food, something activated, something almondy. Manu simply sniffs and casts his nose higher in the air.
BING BONG. The judges first notice the boy’s lack of pants and all they’re concerned about is PANTS.
The menus are passed around and Luke makes a song and dance about the healthy food they’ve included on the menu and “it’ll be super tasty – we hope,” adds Luke. Sam thinks it sounds really fresh but Candice thinks it sounds too simple. Just like her.
The boys are making an aioli and Luke’s making up words: “Compartmentise”. The aioli rejects their poor choice of everything and blends perfectly.
Manu questions the table about the menu. Candice tells us all that she’s a healthy cook and everything. Cupcake is “inpsirated” about their food. So aghast at this, Manu goes to see how the prep is going and is amazed the entree is already prepped and in the fridge. For the last 45 minutes. Nothing wrong with that except the acids and the avo may have toughened up the prawns. Fair suck of the sav, Manu.
Because it’s Bondi there aren’t plates – there’s boards. No crockery has been allowed in the suburb for 15 years. Luke’s wearing his heart on his sleeve which is making a mess all over the entree, but they plate and serve anyway. Luke spills dressing on Lisa and Candice is agog at her lemon wedge falling over.
Luke’s scared about not being good enough. He’s scared about 1,000,000 burpees. Luke’s scared about the Palestinian state. Luke’s scared about rainbows. Luke’s just scared.
Pete was excited when he read the menu for entree, and then the food arrived and… it was faultless. He’s impressed and he’s glad they showed him what they can do. “It’s fun, cheeky and playful, and the food is OK too,” he says. Manu disagrees with Pete – it’s not simple, it’s clever. He admits it’s a dish he wasn’t expecting it to be so good.
Walking on air, the Personal Eye Candy head back into the kitchen and embrace. Lisa is disappointed there was a little bit of shell on one of her prawns. Dan’s gone to heaven; Joanna loved it; Candice didn’t think it needed the aioli.
The boys are finalising the prep for the spatchcock, which will be tai-bo’d ends and then poached and fryed to crisp up the skin. Dan doesn’t know what kale is – he and his girl make comfort food. They share a knowing glance and nick out the front for a quickie.
With eyes as wide as the moon the boys pop the kale in the oven to crisp it up(?!) with only 90 seconds to go for the spatchcock. They’re a little pink, so maybe they can solve that in the frypan. Plating the farrow they smell something burning – nobody remembers the kale. The paper’s burned and more than half of it looks worse than when it went it (and it was inedible then).
The boys reckon they can salvage a salad out of the burned mess but they press on. “It’s on the menu, just like those spatchcocks we’ve not forgotten too,” says Luke. At least they’re now perfectly cooked.
They plate with minimum kale and present to their guests. Nobody tasted the kale. Dan identifies the kale as his salad. Candice identifies with the Devil.
It’s a long wait while the judges taste. “The flavour was there, but you lost the flavour of the chicken because it’s overcooked,” screams Pete, standing and running out of the Instant Restaurant. Manu whines about the lack of jus that could have been created with the spatchcock carcasses. “I could have done with a lot more kale,” says Manu, simply to highlight the boys shortcomings. They walk past Pete as he re-enters, breathing heavily.
Sides are clearly drawn as to who is pro and con Luke & Scott. Sam doesn’t like the main: “Too healthy for me. Also better than I did.”
All the prep they did has left them with no tarts ready to go. Hopefully nobody at the table notices. Lisa reckons she can do a better tart. Dan reckons she’s the best kind of tart there is already and should have shown her tart in her Instant Restaurant. There’s concerns in the kitchen that there’s not enough pastry for the tarts… which proves to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Officially, Swisse now sponsor every fucking thing.
Luke’s decided to make more pastry, but it’ll be unrested while Scott makes the creme anglaise. Check pistachos toasted; check almonds absent.
Cupcake doesn’t think you can make a healthy dessert. Samuel thinks she deserves to sit on top of a cake. Candice thinks Cupcake is gonna fall apart in her Instant Restaurant (has she seen the promos as well?). The boys admit the creme anglaise isn’t that healthy, but, you know… everything in moderation when it suits them.
The pastry survives the blind baking, and so the filling is added and back in the oven. More postulating by the guests as to the dessert. Steph’s ready to go Dan again as the dish seems to be taking to long. Lisa lies and says she’ll award a dish the points it deserves. In other words, zero.
Again the dessert is plated on a board. ON A BOARD. Bloody Bondi hipsters.
The cake barely survives the walk out, though all Candice can do is fixate on the board. “At least we had a new plate for each dish,” she offers.
Pete’s all about the simple yet exciting. Manu’s all about the what Pete said (and it was the best creme anglaise he’s tasted). There’s very big smiles on the Physical Eye-Candy’s faces. Lisa cries about Candice’s serving being slightly crumbled. Boo hoo Witchipoo.
Cupcake likes the macaroon filling and Sam’s now mainlining the creme anglaise. “Boys, if the creme anglaise is healthy,” says Dan, “Sign me up for 10 litres and ship it to Queensland.” The table is exceedingly cold when the Bitchy Beauties talk. Nobody slaps them down as they should, but then it is voting time…
Ali & Samuel – 8. (S: “The Entree was awesome.”)
Sam & Chris – 8.
Jenna & Joanna – 8.
Dan & Steph – 9. (D: “The boys have delivered the best dessert of the competition.)
Lisa & Candice – 8.
Guest total = 41/50. A cracking start for the boys. The promo for the Gatecrashers does, however, reveal who does and doesn’t survive this week, which is really poor promo editing. Not that the teams care right now, especially Luke & Scott because not only can they not see the promo but also because they’ve received the highest score from the guests in MKR history.
Pete and Manu, on the other hand…
P Entree – 10; M Entree – 10. (M: “Magnifique.”)
P Main – 5; M Main – 4. (P: “The spatchcock was below average, guys.”)
P Dessert – 10; M Dessert – 10.
Grand Total = 90/110. Of course the judges were going to love it, and of course they were going to score the best by far. The Spite Girls must be rolling in their graves (& it must have been a stunning meal). Congratulations to Luke & Scott for a cracking meal & a job well done. This absolutely pits Lisa & Candice against Dan & Steph or Cupcake & Joanna – and we’ll find out how Dan & Steph do tomorrow night. Delicious!
Prawns deveined (they had no say in the matter, but no more smack parties for them)
You crack me up, you should do this for a living