My Kitchen RulesMon-Wed 7:30pm, Ch7
Tonight the remaining 9 teams have a chance to poison Australia’s A List at the Melbourne Cup and here’s hoping they succeed. There’s always the chance that someone will somehow manage to stuff it all up – apparently – and we all know that’s the entire reason we’ve all tuned in. THIS IS THE BEST!

Well hello trams/Yarra/Flinders St Station, we must be in Melbourne. The teams randomly walk into a commercial kitchen and Lispy instantly knows it’s going to be some kind of challenge. Manu welcomes the teams to Mullboorne and Pete tells the teams they’ve been invited to the Melbourne Cup as the hired help.

It’s too late to go back in time Back to the Future style and warn all the people attending that they are about to eat food made by amateurs that could likely kill them. Lispy loves the tabloids and can’t wait – but they’ve only 90 minutes to get everything prepared for their canape they’re going to present. Good lord.

There’s concerns and over-thinking from Angela & Melina while everyone else gets on it. Dan’s excited – it’s gonna be his sausage moment.

Dan & Steph are presenting a Sambal Prawn dish that is hot but not overpowering, except as far as Dan is concerned.
Angela & Melina are delivering a Lobster Salad which has ensured that every lobster dies in vain.
Josh & Andi’s hipster Beef Fillet has all the potential to be a complete disaster.

Jake’s hair has taken on a life of it’s own – like someone has crapped like Mr Whippy on his head. WTF?

Prawn with mango salsa is Jake & Elle’s offering, and they’ve no idea they’ve got a prawn challenge on their hands. Yet. Decidedly overconfident.

Manu reminds us he thinks that mango shouldn’t go with seafood

Salmon Rilletes is Luke & Scott’s entree (or Kanap, according to someone).
Sashimi Tuna will come from the hands of Kerrie & Craig. Well, mainly Kerrie with Craig babbling on about something. Nobody even speaks to him any more.

Sam & Chris are turning on the charm with each other and succeeding in making us all sick. Their mini shortbread seems to be way off the mark – not that they seem to notice.

Raspberry Meringue Tart from the Adelaide tarts Cupcake & Joanna. “A little piece of Jenna,” offers Joanna. The kitchen’s too hot and it’s killing the pastry and they spend most of the time running to the fridge to cool it down… amidst Joanna’s building meltdown. Then Cupcake starts crying in the recounting of what happened! IS THIS A SIGN OF THE LONG AWAITED MELTDOWN v2.0?!

Kerrie’s disappointed her tuilles aren’t colouring and they’re not curling and Craig’s not helping (Craig’s not doing anything). Kerrie promises to go home right now if she can’t get it right. Do you need help with packing, love?

Can’t wait for the attempted charm offensive from Sam & Chris that fails miserably when confronted by Sam Armytage. Can. Not. Wait.

45 minutes left and it’s building stress from… pretty much everyone. The pressure of the Cup is taking it’s toll and Manu notices it. Craig says something but Kerrie makes the hushing sound and pushes him out of the way. The second batch of tuilles isn’t working either and she’s pretty much written herself off.

Ashlee & Lispy are preparing prawn dumplings based on the fact that “it’s something we eat, so it’ll be a winner”. Sam & Chris and Dan & Steph have started to tell each other the processes they’re working through. For some reason.

Jake’s making agar agar pearls and he’s promising to pass out if the celebs don’t like it. They also notice that Kerrie & Craig’s tuilles aren’t working the third time around… so Kerrie is instead going to prep the dish with cos lettuce instead and a small disc of the tuille. Plan D has worked and Craig had nothing to do with it.

Josh is getting stressed because the slicing of the beef is taking so long, and all Andi can offer is “Work faster, Josh”. Because that’s how hipsters express concern.

Sam is bordering on completely smug over his shortbread biscuits. The “Babez” are wanting to make sure the flavour in the dumpling mix right, and Manu thinks it’s a great idea that they are blanching them on site – but that leaves no time if things don’t work.

Angela & Melina know their lobster will make some celebrities sick. They’ll only be Channel 7 celebs so that’s not a bad thing.

The clock is ticking – so few minutes left – and Joanna hasn’t started on the Italian meringue while Cupcake is painting their pastry shells with white chocolate. Because it’s the little things when one major element isn’t prepped.

All the teams are prepping for their relocation – they have to pack it properly so it maintains state and is ready to prep when they arrive. If it’s not packed, it doesn’t come to the track. Everything is in for everyone (fancy that!), so now it’s time for everyone to frock up (especially Jake) and get their backsides trackside.

Guaranteed there’ll be some kind of embarrassing moment from Lispy as the stars in her eyes cause her to fangirl it up hardcore.

Lamenting aside from Elle at not being able to spend more of Mummy & Daddy’s money betting on some horses, all the teams setup to prepare their canapes for service. Kerrie’s fascinator looks to be ready to eat Craig the first chance it gets. Let’s hope it gets the chance.

Manu & Pete are excited – this is the first time the MKR contestants have had the chance to cook for such important people. Obviously the judges don’t count (SUCK THAT, FASSNIDGE!).

Cupcake & Joanna have determined that if their dish doesn’t look outlandish enough they’re adding a gold-plated raspberry. Kerrie & Craig are still panicking. Ashlee & Lispy have oen more chance to say “babez” before they thrust themselves on the unsuspecting celebrities. “Mischa I love you, I loved you in the OC, you were the OC,” says Lispy to the clearly freaked out Hollywood star. “She looked at me like a crazy person.”


Cupcake and Joanna insert themselves into the marquee with a pincer movement and manage to hold back any fandom while managing to win over everyone (including the hosts) with their tarts. Also, tart gags aplenty.

Angela & Melina embarrass themselves by walking out with their canapes and ERHMAGERDing everywhere. Pete & Manu love the dish but it’s missing a kick.

Kerrie & Craig worry over the presentation of their dish while Jake & Elle fight over the amount of filling to put in their cups. K&C’s dish goes down well with the punters and she even gets a chance to cross-promote Revenge. Badly.

The pearls are on Jake & Elle’s dish and so they head out to present their dish. Manu dislikes the mango/prawn ratio, but KRudd seems to be very pleased while Kerri-Anne proves she’s not just a wallflower at Seven – she’s become a punchline.

Sam & Chris joke about naming Chris’s cats’ bum after Mischa Barton.

Josh & Andi insert themselves into the social set and she starts to panic about who they’ll walk up to first and they don’t even recognise the newsreader in question. The stars seem to like it, even if Pete & Manu are reserving a little of their judgement.

It’s sausage time for Dan & Steph without a hint of embarrassment. Approaching them all, confused by considering them to be A-List celebs. The stars have dazzled them. Manu continues his hate toward the humble mango while Dan rates this day as equivalent to his and Steph’s wedding day, though this one has had more sex.

Luke & Scott’s oversized bread and salmon “works” from Pete & Manu’s point of view. Sam & Chris set themselves on the assembled pack of emaciated beauties in waiting who are champing at the bit to taste the food and then vomit it up later. Sam Armytage tries one of their shortbread and isn’t impressed. Pete & Manu declare it to be perfect.

The voting is furious, mainly because the form guide lists them by name and nobody knows what their names were. If nothing else Better Homes and Gardens & Winners and Losers got the biggest plugs out of the day, so really, nobody was the winner.

Wednesday – bye bye Josh & Andi?

The teams are assembled for the critique. Funnily enough everyone doesn’t want to end up in the sudden death cook off. Manu has taken some elocution lessons across the day and they’re not paying off. He tells them the teams today cooked the best food they’ve had across all the seasons of My Kitchen Rules. Previously having never subscribed to hyperbole, Manu then goes on to tell them it was the best food he’s ever tasted in his life ever.

The judges deliver their individual thoughts to the teams. They totally dug Angela & Melina’s lobster dish and the music merrily jangles along with the words. Luke & Scott’s salmon toasty got big ticks; Kerrie & Craig’s tuna sashimi (near disaster) was well delivered because they managed to scrape a dish together in the midst of failure.

Manu thought Josh & Andi’s dish was very English of them (he loved it) and his English impression was pricelessly horrible. The great mango v prawn debate continues in Manu’s one eyed review, though Pete does point out that Jake’s hair is clearly the third contestant in their team.

More mango & prawn drama from Dan & Steph – while the elements were great that it was a two-handed canape made it quite difficult to eat. Ooh-ma! Ashlee & Lispy’s last minute cooking of the dumplings and their presentation was “hip, now, and tasty”. Pete is totes in touch with the people

Sam & Chris get the double-hander – the fake fore-warning of possible criticism followed up with heaping praise from both Pete & Manu, and the “perfect” word gets tossed out again. Cupcake & Joanna are worried after hearing all the praise for the others, and Manu had to shake his head because he didn’t believe they’d get it on the plate while he considers them “to die for”, so he immediately races out onto the track buck naked to race the horses down the straight.

Did you know that New Idea is your official MKR magazine? No? Well don’t start now.

Apparently the voting for the people’s choice was “neck and neck, right down to the line”. There can only be one people’s choice, except when someone ties, which they didn’t this time. Congratulations Ashlee & Lispy – “It’s so rewarding, but it’s also so deserved,” says Lispy. Angela & Melina couldn’t be less excited.

The “prize” for coming last in this Melbourne Cup sweep is going into elimination, and Kerrie can hear Craig saying “it’s us, it’s us” with his eyes, so she uses her hand to calm him down. It’s Jake and Elle that have been dropped into elimination this week. Jake’s finding it hard to take and his hair is finding it even more flabbergasting. Pete admits it was the prawn/mango ratio WHICH WAS ALL ELLE’S FAULT!

There’s some comment from the judges about how it was so hard yada yada yada. Tomorrow night it’s all about the cook off to see who meets Jake & Elle in elimination, and it’s clear that it’s Josh & Andi but we just don’t know why. It has something to do with a deal in the midst of the cook-off and Josh can’t believe it. DELICIOUS!