Big Brother AustraliaSun 6:30pm, Mon-Fri 7pm, Ch9
We flash back to the first night. The ladies in the parlour room. BB revealing the 7 secrets to them.

OPENING TITLES… crowd excitement

Mike Goldman: ‘Welcome to Big Brother, live from Dreamworld’

Sonia arrives on stage to a healthy screaming crowd. Black leather shorty shorts, pink fluoro top and a military style tasselled jacket number. If Daryl Somers could see her now. A salute to the crowd and we’re ready to go.

Sonia tells us we’re live and there are 10 housemates already in the house. 2 more are standing by. One of them is a multi millionaire. As we see on the big screen behind her, they roll up in a black car with Jerry Springer-esque security on standby. Why hasn’t BB thrown all the housemates in at once?

The girls were given a secret task. To match the guys with their secret. Recap of the recap – here are the secrets:

I have an IQ of a genius
I have Ornithophobia as a result of an emu attack
I have been fired from every job I have ever had
I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 11I am a juvenile offender
I have dated more than 100 women
I am a multi-milionaire.

And now we cross to earlier in the day. Mother-hen Sarah finds Bradley strewn on the outside lounge where he has a bit of a vomit. She leads him to the bathroom and heads to the Diary Room to let BB know the situation.

We cut to Sarah and Bradley on the lounge and she feeds him a banana and toast. There could be massive sexual tension here if Brad could stop vomiting.

Michael exits the bedroom and is struck by the blinding lights of the bathroom. The live crowd roars with laughter – he’s clearly a crowd pleaser already.

Sarah’s banana rings and it’s Bradley’s mother. ‘yes I’m alright, thanks for calling’. This is some crazy foreplay.

Michael complains that it was the worst sleep ever.

Bradley heads to the Diary Room and says he’s feeling better now. Probably caused by stress and not eating enough.. Sonia and the crowd ooh and aaah. Poor little puppy.

We cut to some unsubtle snooping from the ladies trying to get to the bottom of the guy’s secrets. (and lets not forget the ladies are not allowed to reveal that they have a task)

Bradley reveals he’s never had a girlfriend. ‘’’ooooh, why?” “Um…cause I couldn’t get one”. Fair point. The ladies reckon B-Rad will have a million ladies when he leaves.

The girls ask – has anyone been in trouble with the law? Josh reveals he’s been drunk and disorderly. Haven’t we all?

Let’s meet one of the new housemates. The Vain Kid. Athletic. His friends describe him as Zoolander. Can’t wait.

Segment 2
Josh emerges as the fire lighting Alpha male. He reminds Stacey of Shaggy from Scooby Doo. The crowd love this. Zoe asks, ‘will anyone pick up in here?’ Stacey can’t imagine it. Angie inspects Josh’s fire skills up close…I will put money on these 2 hooking up.

Estelle and Stacey bond in the bedroom in a moment of mutual admiration. Their words don’t adequately explain…anything. HUGS.

Fair haired Charne is sitting outside in a Morticia inspired garb – “I’m trying not to get burnt” Revealing that her father died of skin cancer. But not to worry… “He’s fine, he’s just dead” Should we laugh? Charne brushes off her true feelings.

Zoe enters the Diary Room… BB asks her what she sees her role as being. She says she’s been a lot quieter and really doesn’t like people talking on top of each other. Lady, you’re in the wrong house. She’s not a fan of Estelle and Angie’s big opinions.

We cut to one of these in depth discussions. “Is anyone a roller” Angie likes to roll her toilet paper. Stacey’s a scruncher “you get more”… Zoe uses 4 sheets. Josh makes some crack about not using any. Noice. Sidenote – Layla looks hot in rollers. She later gets a crash course in ‘Straylia’ slang..

Segment 3
Josh, Bradley and Michael discuss how many more guys might be entering the house.. 4? Bradley is excited that they have ‘first dibs’ on the ladies… bless.

14 Housemates and there’s always one… one who’s a snorer. Bags not sleeping next to Zoe.

Angie and Estelle take the spooning position again. Goodnight BB.

Let’s go live to the house. Pizzas are underway. BB sends the ladies to the Parlour room. Layla’s still in rollers. Their powers of deduction unite.

Let’s met a new housemate.

George. 25, Electrician. Works in a mine in WA. Bit of Greek, bit of Lebanese. With dreadlocks that smell like strawberry… George comes out on stage. Is he the Millionaire? The ladies in the crowd wolf whistle. Will the housemates fall for his charms? He likes tall blondes… watch out Sonia. No secrets revealed yet. He jokes he used to be a woman. And off he goes into the house.

FACT: Launch night. 1300 tweets per minute. #1 Trending Aus Topic. #BBAU Tweets

Segment 4
And George enters the house. The guys are stoked. The girls are still watching on from the Parlour room. Estelle is about to bust with excitement. George is going to get lucky. He also reveals he likes washing dishes. The way to a girl’s heart. There’s hysteria in the Parlour room.

Segment 5
George is making himself at home kicking back with the guys. So far the girls can’t agree on any of the Secrets, They’re clutching at straws.

Let’s meet tonight’s final new Housemate.

Ryan. Rates himself 9.5 in looks. 21. Male Model. “I think I’m very good looking” He’s just finished a degree in commercial law with a minor in international business. Can we look at his 6 pack again? He shows us his favourite photos of himself from his modelling portfolio. He wants to find love in the Big Brother House…

Ryan walks on stage. The girls in the crowd go wild. He tells us how down to earth he is and how smart. It’s hard being really, really, ridiculously good looking… Off you go Ryan…

Segment 6
Ryan enters the house. The guys go wild. Angie thinks he’s gorgeous. They’re itching to meet the new recruits. BB releases the ladies from the Parlour Room. They’re like horny rabbits. They must act normal like they haven’t been spying. The guys jump out from behind the kitchen bench and ‘surprise’ the girls. Fake squeals. Dear God… Let’s hug

So…. Who’s the multi millionaire?

Here’s a sneak peek of the next 2 housemates arriving tomorrow.

Housemate #13
“I’ll turn friends to enemies…enemies to friends, I talk with my hands. I live in a fake reality”. What the? “I literally will walk up to anyone and start a conversation with them. I think people will be irritated by me. I’m the bitchiest person you’ll ever meet”.

Housemate #14
“I have a thing about lying. It’s my pet hate. I won’t even tell white lies. I’m a perfectionist, it’s been diagnosed by Psychologists” Look out! “Money doesn’t buy happiness but it buys a better comfort”

Hmmm… until Tomorrow…