Big Brother Australia – Sun 6:30pm, Mon-Fri 7pm, Ch9
http://www.bigbrother.com.au/
The Housemates must say YES to everything this week. It’s taking its toll. The Housemate’s can only say NO 1 more time or it’s rations all next week again. Stacey’s said YES to hanging out with Ryan Gosling (the cardboard cutout). Ray has had to say YES to eating gourmet food that’s been specially prepared for him, while the other HMs are starving.

Ray’s now become a target for most of the Housemates. Angie’s in the bedroom talking about how Ray won’t cope if they have to have rations next week. He has massive mood swings and tantrums when he doesn’t get things his own way. Don’t deny the man his chocolate milk. Benjamin said Ray was saying offensive things about the girls. That’s it – the girls are over it. So why didn’t they all nominate him??

Up next BB announces today’s task – The Children of the Flower Challenge. A day of Peace, Love and fierce competition. If they win, they get to spend the night in the Captain’s Quarters, aka The Love Boat. The Housemates deck themselves out in Hippy attire. First game – who can collect the most rubbish from the air blower booth. The girls find the knack of shoving it down their cleavage…and bingo, biggest cleavage goes to Zoe – congratulations she wins round 1 by collecting the most rubbish down her ample bossom.

Round 2 of the hippy task. The top 6 winners from the previous round have to Hug it out on some fake trees. Last man hugging without touching the ground wins. Ray wusses out… Zoe’s out. Josh is out. Michael’s out. This is serious competition. Ange is out. Ray’s out. And Sarah’s last lady hugging!! She’s so excited. All the girls cheer and suck up…

Who will she choose? She really wants to take everyone, but Zoe apparently is her new BFF. Stacey whispers that she should steal the toiletries. They skip off for a romantic day/night on the Love Boat. Spa, Sauna, Pool, deck and gourmet meals. Bliss!

Michael is faced with an excellent YES/NO challenge. “Would you wear an electric shock suit?” YES BIG BROTHER… Michael asks if this is legal. He suits up in green lycra – he looks like Kermit. BB can shock him at will. By the look on Michael’s face it doesn’t look half bad.

Benjamin is in the DR talking about Ryan and Bradley and how he set himself a mission to become closer to them. He really tried… but Ryan is just so boring. He has zero to say…What can you do?

Ryan Gosling is in trouble for going in the pool with his microphone on. He will be dealt with later.

Ryan and Bradley have to serve another meal to Ray. A fish burger. Bradley suggests spitting in the burger… Bradley! You’ve become so mean… it’s excellent.

Benjamin is asked to shock Michael. He falls to the floor writhing in pleasure… erm…pain…

Ryan starts talking about the purpose of life. Dear God save us. Bradley simply says ‘to get to the end of your life and be happy’. Easy. George says to be successful and have a family. Estelle says her purpose is to find other people’s purposes. Wow. How purposeful.

Ryan starts blabbing on about how smart people at school used to think he was stupid and couldn’t hold a conversation. He hopes they’re watching this now and realising that he really IS smart and has something to offer… he’s hopeful our dear Ryan. Estelle says it doesn’t matter what other people think.

Angie reveals she’s scared of Ray. Benjamin mimics Ray, pointing out how he keeps rubbing in all the good food he’s getting. It’s unanimous. Ray’s a knob.

Ray meanwhile is outside chatting to Ryan and George. Ray thinks he’s Benjamin’s biggest competition to winning Big Brother. And Benjamin is threatened by him. He’s sick of being bullied.

Bradley is admiring Estelle’s bikini. ‘You really don’t see a bikini like that everyday’. You certainly don’t Bradley. Inside George and Ryan discuss his progress with Estelle. He’s falling for her. ‘she’s hot man…hooooot’ He thinks there might be potential on the outside.

Ryan Gosling is sent to the naughty corner for not wearing his mic. Stacey is devastated.

Layla is to be tempted in the YES/NO task. She has to pick up the phone and ask who it is. It’s her favourite Aunt from Spain. She’s not allowed to say anything else to her. BB asks her to hang up the phone. YES BIG BROTHER. Sadly Layla has to hang up on her… Many tears and hugs.

5.19pm – Zoe and Sarah are kicking back in the spa in the Captain’s Quarters. They hug and Sarah tells her how much she loves having her there… Does anyone else remember Zoe bitching about Sarah the other day and how she couldn’t stand her. Awwwe… it’s all forgotten now.

Bradley is enjoying having less people around now. Everything is more relaxed. He’s enjoying not having Sarah there as she’s too mumsy and annoying. She makes everyone feel like kids. It’s all too much. Sarah in the spa admits she’s a mum. She says she always helps the drunk crying girls in the toilets at pubs.

Benjamin says to Stacey that he’s going to confront Ray. He feels he’s being ganged up on by Ryan, Ray and George. It’s getting to him.

Dinner time, and it’s chicken mince for dinner. Yum, yum… it’s the last of the rations. While Sarah and Zoe are having their favourite meals. Oysters for Zoe and Sarah’s vego dish de jour. THEN, the worst YES/NO question ever. “Zoe, would you like to trade your time in the Captain’s Quarters with Ray”…. AAAAAARGH. YES BIG BROTHER. Ray is stoked. This is his big chance with Sarah. Hugs all round. Ray is welcomed with a sirloin steak and lemon pie. Lucky you Ray. Just remember, nobody likes you in there. Poor Zoe is really upset on missing out on the meal.

Ryan Gosling’s punishment is over and Stacey is allowed to retrieve him from the naughty corner. While she’s there BB asks her to pick up a pair of scissors and cut him up into exactly 50 pieces. YES BIG BROTHER… this is a tragedy. Women of the world are weeping.

Meanwhile, Angie and Josh are biting each other’s fingers and…things… in some kind of weird seduction. Bradley is not impressed. “you 2 are playing games. You’re a couple”

Layla and Angie are sent to the DR. There’s a cupcake sitting there and Layla is asked if she would like to feed it to Angie. YES BIG BROTHER. This is torture for poor Layla. And it’s got yummy pink icing on it too.

Ray’s time is up and Zoe gets to go back into the Captain’s Quarters. Zoe’s still devo about missing the steak – that’s all she wanted! Ray comes back to a round of BOOS from his fellow Housemates. His popularity has plummeted.

Layla and Angie are sent to the Diary Room AGAIN. This time there are 3 more cupcakes. Layla has to feed them all to Angie. It’s sickening.

It’s lights out in the Captain’s Quarters and the girls get to watch a special movie on their own  – Pretty Woman. The screaming is deafening.

Back to the Housemates who are hungry in bed. George is snuggled up to Layla and suggests eating the fish Surly. Don’t tell Sarah, she’d be furious.

It’s lights out. Angie and Layla are sent to the DR again. This is hilarious. 4 more cupcakes down Angie’s gob. She’s a trooper. She’s trying to get them down in between gulps of water. It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. They tell each other how much they love each other. This is a beautiful moment. Angie may vomit. And it’s goodnight from Big Brother.

BIG BROTHER CONFIDENTIAL
Our “on screen magazine for unseen Housemate gossip and giggles” Is that code for lame? This is clearly not the same as ‘Up Late’ (being scheduled at 8pm) so don’t expect anything titillating people… 13 year old boys across Australia are devastated. Here we go…

Surly the talking fish is in love with Layla. He tells us how much she means to him and how he’s tried to tell her his feelings. It’s a montage of loved up Layla/Surly moments. Ok people, stick with me, the show gets better…

News Flash. Layla’s creamy sponge cake brings Josh to his knees in a wedding proposal. She knows how to bake goods, that’s for sure.

Skeleton in the closet time. Ray reveals that when he was 11 he decided to start collecting his toe nails. Prepare to vomit people. We cut away to ACTUAL FOOTAGE of his toe nail clippings. This is gross.

It’s Story Time with Big Brother. Layla and Stacey would like a story. BB flirts with the ladies and tells them a story about the prettiest 2 girls in the house. Stacey: “You had me at hello” BB: “Likewise”

Ben asks Michael whether Stacey is attractive – apparently being gay has hampered his judgement. Yes, she’s Michael’s #2 in the house ‘but a lot of that is personality”. Um. Ouch. Layla is teetering at #1 because she has ‘The Look’. Voluptuous, brunette, big boobs, pretty face. “Hmm…straight conversations with gay men…” says Ben.

Bradley has a theory on all the cuddle buddies in the House: George and Layla. Estelle and Ryan. Josh and Angie. Bradley points out there’s a ‘love bed’ where all the magic has happened. Ew. Hope you’re washing those sheets. Ray suggests that Brad and Angie could make love. No, says Angie. “Brad and Angie can not make love” Thank goodness.

Ryan performs a strip tease in the bedroom for his Housemates. He’s trying to outdo Brad’s efforts from the week before. Saucy six pack and shoulders. It’s all very Bachelorette party until he stacks it with his pants around his ankles. Strip tease FAIL Ryan. Don’t try that again. Brad is still Lord of the Pants.

Battle of the Brains. It’s Stacey & Ben vs Josh & Michael. It’s a montage of witty repartee from our most entertaining mates.

First World Problems. They only have 1 fruit in their can of “2 Fruits”. Bugger.

Angie and Josh. Is it on? Montage of spooning, whinging, kissing, cuddles, chocolate bottoms, no pants and broken promises. That’s love in the BB house.

We hear Sarah’s secret love letter from her boyfriend that was tragically shredded in the name of this week’s task. What did it really say. Nothing particularly funny, so let’s move on.

Ryan Gosling and Stacey’s romance has been the talk of the house this week. We look back at how it all came to be. “I want to smell him” was the original request. Stacey never lost sight of her dreams “should I wear undies or not when he gets here”

House Hits Volume 1. Featuring the Housemates at their musical best. Rapping and Rhyming the time away. “Shimmy to the Shower” featuring Stacey and Benjamin is a highlight.

The Visitor… Is there an alien amongst them? Benjamin is clearly from another planet and he is here to recruit. Stacey is clearly his next victim.

Estelle likes to rap. She’s so Urban. God.  Please stop. The housemate’s can’t stand it.

Zoe and Layla talk bullying. Zoe was bullied by a guy who asked her out. She went to meet him in the courtyard where everyone was standing and laughing at her saying “as if he would date you”…

We see George giving Benjamin a haircut with his left hand… he does a very good job!

It’s the Housemates vs Bradley in a cubby house showdown. Whose fortress of pillows and towels will win? It’s Lord of the Flies. Full blown anarchy. Pillows go flying and hearts are broken. There is no winner today.

Ryan admits he says stupid things. Wow. Montage time of stupid Ryan things. This could be a show of its own.

Michael gets all Rockabilly in the shower. He looks like Jason Priestley in the 90210 days. Hilarious.

The boys go snooping through the girls things. Brad puts Angie’s bra on and the boys take photos. Hot.

And that was another revealing Big Brother Confidential. Not bad at all. Just not what you’re expecting.