Big Brother Australia – Sun 6:30pm, Mon-Fri 7pm, Ch9
http://www.bigbrother.com.au/
Conversations, Competitions, Criminal moustaches – it’s all here on Big Brother.

Angie’s had a rough night after the “conversation” on the couch last night where the girls got verbal. It’s enough to have Michael and Ben chatting about it while they make FIRE. MAN HUNT. Sarah offers an olive branch to Angie, including the chance to “talk it out” but it looks like Angie would prefer to do something else to Sarah other than talk.

For all of Layla’s attempt to help it’s made worse by the fact that Sarah is touching Angie when he speaks to her and it’s starting to spiral downward. Surly watches on as more girls surface and put their faces on.

A tyre needs changing on the sidecar before the HMs can continue their “journey”, with over 1,000km still to go. Sarah and Ray sort it out.

The HMs are presented with the ‘hot spice challenge’, where the winner gets a night for two in a yet-to-be-revealed special wing of the house. A night of luxury in the “captain’s quarters” – but to do it they have to spin a wheel to select which and how many chillies they have to eat. The one who stomachs the most wins. Benjamin is excused as he’s the referee.

Angie scores first and manages. Then Brad, Michael, Estelle, Layla and so on. It looks to be pretty horrid though Ray shows he’s cold as ice while Ryan can’t do it. It comes down to Estelle, Zoe and Ray… with the hottest chilli pulling up for all of them. BB interrupts and says all three can handle the heat – and offers a tiebreaker round to settle the captain’s challenge.

Cue a KFC zinger ad. Fancy that.

“The housemate who eats one of these spicy hot dogs the quickest will be declared the winner – the referee’s decision is final.” They chow down on what looks to be an innocent frank on a roll while Michael offers horrible hot dog puns. Estelle manages to down the hot dog first and is declared the winner and BB says she is to wear the captain’s hat – and it’s no surprise when she picks Ryan as her ‘first mate’ for the luxury night away.

They walk through a door and into a set dressed like a luxury cruise liner – spa, sauna, bedroom, bath, food, pool – THE WORKS. They dive straight into exploring every inch.

The other HMs are now speculating about other secrets, starting with the thought that Ryan and Estelle were a couple outside and this has carried on in the house. “The Captain is Estelle” (the captain and tenielle – whatever) had a sauna and then some sexy kissing time in the spa. It’s amazing what some alone time offers you.

Michael wishes he’d never taken part in the challenge as he and Josh take their time on the bike. While Estelle showers and takes her top off (hello next week’s Confidential!) Ryan asks her if she’s confident about her body. Some of the blokes ask Angie if her middle name comes from anywhere special – the secret hunt is still on.

Ray’s called to the Diary Room to be deputised as a part of the BB Police Force. He’s no longer a HM and must protect the donuts he’s been given. He has to walk and talk like a deputy – which he as absolutely no problem doing. Like his ego needed any boosting as it was.

As he walks out all dressed, the HMs start to go nuts. Deputy Ray is very serious and walks over to the bike. He has one of the most pornographic mo’s ever. Brad & Ben are on the bike and amazed at what they’re seeing. Deputy Ray reveals the donuts and starts eating them in front of the other HMs… and it’s brilliant torture.

Smoke starts coming from the bike and the Sarge tells Deputy Ray to intercept the “Hoons doing burnouts”. While he’s distracted, Stacey steals the remaining donuts and nicks into the kitchen where she, Angie and Josh scarf them quick smart. This can’t end well.

Deputy Ray is continuing to exert his authoritah by patting down Ben and Brad. Once he’s done he goes to stand back next to Sarge and only then realises the donuts are gone. Good grief.

Over at HMAS BB Ryan & Estelle are enjoying the the good life. There’s talk of candles and everything. Back in normal house, Ray is telling Brad that at the next challenge if Ray wins he’ll stand down and let Brad take the win and take Estelle. “If she’s still here,” Brad reminds him.

Ryan and Estelle are planning a big, romantic evening – dressing up and candles and Ryan realises he has to ask BB for some matches. RIT-ROWR.

Stacey and Ben are doing their big dance number for BB in the Diary Room, with Stacey delivering it in her onesie. I can’t understand this.

Captain Estelle is telling Ryan she thinks she can read the Ryan book. They are enjoying their time away, and that it’s weird “in a good way”.

Dinner has arrived for Captain Estelle and Ryan and it’s the best meal they’ve had in a week. While the cat’s away however, the HMs discover Estelle has been hiding the honey from them. Charne (pronounced Shar-ney) admits she knew: “We put in there for everyone.” “Does everyone know it was there?” asks Brad – nope. Estelle has been holding out on them all.

Layla, Stacey, Michael and Zoe are discussing Honeygate in the bathroom and where it had been hidden. It’s quite the talking point. Later the HMs are in bed when BB calls Stacey to the naughty corner for breaking a house rule. In what’s become a spectator sport all the remaining HMs gather on the lounge to watch Stacey have to blow up a bowl full of balloons.

The boys are called to the man cave and during this time Estelle is called back into the house too. Estelle confirms that the boys are on target for her secret – cut to the boys talking up which girl matches which secret. As it stands now they have:

OCD – Charne (pronouced Shar-ney)
Weightlifter – Layla
High School dropout – Sarah
Nude protester – Zoe
Former Emo – Estelle
Hand model – Stacey
Royal Family – Angie

There’s still some discussion as the boy’s aren’t convinced while the girls are talking strategy of how to put the boys off the scent. Stacey has completed her balloon task and is allowed to leave with two balloons down her top increasing her bust size. Stay classy.

Pizza Hut now offers nearly 1 metre of pizza – “The Plank”. This pleases me.

Angie, Josh, Layla & Stacey are discussing the luxury over at HMAS BB, and that Ryan would be putting all the moves on Estelle without question.

We cut over to Ryan giving Estelle a massage with essential oils in the candlelit bedroom. It’s sexy music time and everything. The two fall asleep next to each other. End scene.

Back in the bathroom Michael says “Isn’t tomorrow Thursday – isn’t that when the challenge finishes?” He’s not been in the house long enough to forget which day is which, and it also reveals the timeline for the Daily Show inadvertently. Josh & Michael talk about getting out there and finishing the task but the girls tell them to save it for tomorrow. “If I have to eat staples this week, I’m gonna eat you,” says Michael.

Josh & Michael ignore the girls and get on the bike to realise there’s still 1,000 kms to go – with only 12 hours of challenge left. Brad reports the bed changes to the guys who crown him Captain Smooth-o.

Brad’s sitting outside with Layla and Angie, who make him swear to not repeat anything he’s about to hear – and they launch into sleeping next to the guys and who spoons better and the like. Brad’s agog. Both girls agree that spooning with Michael isn’t awkward because he’s not attractive but he’s so mentally stimulating. Michael & Josh tell the trio they can hear them. Hilarity and awkwardness ensues.

Ray & Bradley have a plan to burst Ryan & Estelle’s bubble by using one of the balloons from Stacey’s challenge as a water balloon and throw it over the fence into the luxury compound. As Brad throws the balloon it burst and water goes everywhere. The HMs cack.

As the HMs settle for bed Brad launches into a hilarious introduction of Ryan, which then devolves into a jokey bitch session about him. “I can’t believe he didn’t read the HM guidelines and forgot to pack his personality,” says Benjamin. BAZINGA! Michael ends it with an affirmation of Ryan, and then Benjamin is called to the Dairy Room by BB.

He puts a dress on courtesy Charne (pronounced Shar-ney) and heads off to see why he’s been paged. When he gets in there’s a surprise for him – chocolate and strawberries, along with some champagne for him all for refereeing the chilli-eating task. He puts a face mask on and BB is running him through a relaxing meditation, all the while Angie and Josh speculate that he’s probably in trouble.

Ben asks BB what he would have rewarded one of the boys with if they’d won. “I guess I’ll have to leave that up to my imagination,” he says cheekily. The HMs all settle into bed and it’s nigh nigh time.