Big Brother Australia – Sun 6:30pm, Mon-Fri 7pm, Ch9
The ol’ fuzzy transmission flicks on BB2012. I’m so excited! We hear the roar of the waiting crowds auditioning across the states. Back to back news stories tell us how popular it’s been.
Then…we hear Mike Goldman’s commentary! He’s back, Yee har
“This is Big Brother” ooh It’s the original BB voice over the speaker.
“New house, new housemates…” (duh) “but can they keep a secret. The wait is over, Big Brother starts now”
And all is well…
A huge roar of the crowd and… oh dear, some kind of Tony Bartuccio opening shuffle number with guys in dinner suits….oh phew here comes Sonia Kruger. Looking hot in sparkly silver pants and cute silver collar. pink Fluoro heels. Love it! Cue the sparkly firework thing.
Sonia: “14 housemates all with a secret.. One winner, you decide”
Opening titles, same music, it’s nicely familiar yet shiny and new.
Sonia gives us a quick rundown on how it all works. “Locked away from the outside world, the housemates will live together and nominate eachother for eviction” The ultimate ‘social experiment’. “One By One they will leave the house. a life changing $250,000 for the final remaining housemate. Let’s cheer.
Tonight the housemates will be revealed, the secrets will be revealed and BB’s big plan will be revealed. Let’s cheer again.
Time to check out the house…
Beautiful pool with floating island (crowd oohs), astro turf, pizza oven, BBQ. Into the kitchen, very 50s retro. Laminex tables. A rockabilly’s dream house… Into the lounge, “ooh, just like the Opera House”… really?? Wave shaped wood ceiling panels. Fluoro lime bathroom, glowing blue neon beds – very Tron meets Barbie.
Let’s meet the housemates…
Michael. 26. Copywriter.
First impressions: what’s with the lady hair? Wacky. Makes Castle reference ‘how’s the serenity’… Ok he’s funny. Brisbane boy. Sonia: “he has better hair than your average Kardashian” He likes cooking “if you can handle getting hair in your food, I’ll cook” no revealing of secrets yet. And off Michael goes into the house. Awkward lonely walk “I need to go to the toilet”… “Which is the sexiest bed…hang on a second, do I have to sleep with people?” it dawns on him that all the beds are joined – harem style.
Fact: Over 20,000 applied for BB.
Sarah. 30 car sales person.
First impressions: attractive long hair, brunette, normal, loves horses. Positive, nice. Dum Di dum… is going to miss her mum. Ok we’ve heard enough. Off she goes into the house. Ooh a separate pink room where she can spy on Michael on the monitors and drink champagne. Nice.
BB tells us every housemate is hiding a secret. “One is hiding great wealth, one is hiding great intelligence and one is related to royalty. And BB has one surprise of his own: A new way to nominate, a new kind of housemate (dog), a surprising new room. “the big brother house is ‘swimming’ with surprises” ooh what could this mean?? Show random shots of fishtank and pool…
Angie. 21 Sales Rep.
“I love my long hair and my cool clothes, but I think at heart I really am a boy” “definitely not a dumb blonde”…. Majoring in accounting and economics. Loves sports, hanging with the guys… Girly Tom boy. Welcome Angie in your cute red dress. Off you go Angie…she will be popular. And she joins Sarah in the pink room. Kisses, fake hugs and more wine… They sit back to watch “Frank” aka Michael on the screens…
Zoe. 23 Student. Country girl. Never had a boyfriend and never been in love. Aaaaawe. Tall, big loud person! Says she’s conservative. Starts talking about sending boat people back…oh dear this could be bad. Comes out in cowboy boots “G’day everyone”… she’s going to be a handful I can tell… None of her friends and family know she’s going into the BB house! Love it. Off she goes…
We cut to some fun facts about what it takes to build the BB house.
Zoe enters the pink room, this should be interesting… Chit chat… Watching Michael. Are all the girls being stored in the pink room?
Layla. 24 Unemployed. Doesn’t like her bum. Brunette, long hair, um attractive!! Half English, half Maori, adopted Aussie. Perky. Walks out in saucy black dress. Layla enters the pink room: aaaaargh! Fake screams of excitement.
Josh. 28 Musician. Lead Singer. Surfer. Lives pay check to pay check. Loves the female attention. Does this guy live with his folks?? Comes out in hipster suit. Bless. Single.
BB’s voice scares Michael’s pants off. He’s summoned to the diary room. “you sound very handsome BB” Michael’s a crack up. Michael’s told he will have company if he heads to the backyard. Meet Josh. Awkward.
Charne. Pin Up Girl (what does this mean?), 31. Gold Coast Rockabilly, cabaret type vamp. Single. Wowsers. Walks out in cute Polk-a-dot number. Off she goes to the pink room. We learn Sarah is the only one with a boyfriend so far…
Estelle, 23. Law student. Skate boarder. “a little bit street” really? Out she comes with a leather jacket to rock it out. Has a lot of strong views against racism, homophobia, cruelty to animals, sexism… Excellent match for Zoe.
Off she goes to the pink room… More hugs!
Stacey, 24. Account Manager. Nickname: “Totes”. City girl, loves shopping. Funny, cray cray. Out she comes in her sexy off the shoulder number. Looking for “a guy who says Yes, with legs”. Good start. Off to the pink room. Screams!! Hugs!!
Only 1 more housemate enters tonight before the secrets are revealed. We’ve met all the girls, but one more guy is still to come tonight.
Bradley. 18 “checkout chick”. Geek chic. But perhaps without the chic… Never gone to 1st, 2nd or 3rd base, or made a home run. Hilarious. Works at his parent’s supermarket in small town Coraki. Has a prized collection of awesome tees. “Great crowd here today”. Classic. Off he goes…
Bradley joins the boys, while the girls watch on and describe him as “adorable”. He doesn’t drink alcohol. This will change.
BB announces that the girls are in the parlour and they need to match the following secrets to the boys:
1. I have the IQ of a genius
2. I have Ornithophobia as a result of an emu attack.
3. I have been fired from every job I have ever had.
4. I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 11.
5. I am a juvenile offender.
6. had dated more than 100 women.
7. I am a multi millionaire.
Their challenge is to match the secret to the correct male housemate in the coming days. Success gives them immunity from eviction. Failure means it’s certain one will be evicted. They cannot talk about their secret task with anyone outside of the parlour. If the boys discover their task, all girls will be up for nomination. Only in the parlor can they discuss the secrets. They cannot directly ask the housemates what their secret is.
Female housemates, it’s time to enter the house! Screams, hugs, jumping up and down from Angie.
General chit chat in the house. Poor Bradley is overwhelmed by the ladies. He is going to love it. Estelle and Angie find a secret door in the bedroom. Their little secret. BB scolds them.
Luggage arrives after being scanned for contraband.
Michael is first in the pool. Girls get into their pajamas. Brad joins them of course.
Charne eats a banana.
Sarah grills Brad for secrets.
The parlor opens for business.
Josh could be a genius?
Is Bradley a juvenile offender?
Ready for bed. Girls start spooning. Charne heads to diary room. Out of her comfort zone. Doesn’t want to sleep with the others…Michael cracks a joke about Gay Sharks. I laugh out loud…
Charne visits kitchen and totally belongs in the 50s.
Night everyone…bedroom chit chat. Lights are dimmed.
Sonia reveals the multi millionaire is not in the house yet. Dadadadumm!!!
2 new housemates. 1 multi million dollar secret.