Beauty and the Geek AustraliaThu 8:30pm, Ch7
It’s BATG time again, so gear up for some orangey tans, science puns and carefully staged banter!




Okay, so I don’t know anything about science or personal grooming. To the recap!

Jason and Kristy are back after their fourth elimination. Everyone is enjoying group breakfast, where the phrase “I think YOU guys will win” in accusing tones. Kim informs us that if she wins $50 000, she’ll be getting a boob job. Shock ripples through nowhere. Dane proposes a toast with a piece of toast. Classic.

Everyone gathers to learn about the challenges ahead from the entirely uncharismatic Bernard Curry. Anyone see that Futurama episode about the Neutral Planet? “If I don’t come back, tell my wife I said, “Hello.”“ That’s Bernie. This week in a lurid red shirt. Seriously.

The beauties learn that they will be tested on their knowledge of their geek’s field of expertise. Alin knows that Dane is passionate about science. He has two hours to teach her science. Not only will they be forced to reveal their inner geek, they’ll be getting a makeunder.

Dane’s level of giddy excitement at the prospect of geekifying Alin is sadistic and adorable all at once. The geeks are going to be getting all bush cowboy in a jackaroo challenge.

Alin tries to prepare Dane for his outback challenge. She teaches him that chickens quack and that the boy version of a cow is beef. I don’t know if this is for real or she’s putting it on and I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE IS WORSE.

Chontelle and Millie make Cody and Chard duel with water pistols, which I would make fun of if it wasn’t something I do with my friends. So those guys are super cool and smart.

The bush challenge is up first, so of course the geeks have large belt buckles and cowboy hats on. They are told they will have to muster some cows. Enter the beauties in cow costumes. Of course. The geeks must muster their cow beauties, who are blindfolded, through an obstacle course. Kim is worried about hitting her head and getting brain damage.

The challenge begins with all the geeks yelling rubbish directions and the beauties shouting back, bumping into things and confusing their lefts with rights. At one point Kristy runs wildly for the exits, completely ignoring Jason’s frantic pleas to return.

In round 2, the four geeks left will be riding a mechanical bull. Dane is up first and allures his new girlfriend Millie with 38 seconds of hip swivelling. Rich is up next and makes it to 60 seconds. Chard makes it to 37 seconds. Cody is up last, clinging and flailing himself off in 9 seconds.

Round 3, three geeks left. They’ll be riding adorable little ponies around the arena. Dane’s pony trots ahead quite cheerfully, Chard’s pony trailing a little behind and Rich slowly wandering in last. Dane and Alin win, giving them immunity and a guaranteed spot in next week’s finale. This also means that they’ll probably be nominating Kristy and Jason again this week, putting the pressure on Kristy to win the next challenge.

For the fourth week running, contestants line up, eagerly awaiting the big reveal. The beauties have been made under to look all geeky and whatnot, so you can expect faux glasses, awkward hemlines and plenty of whining.

The boys laugh helplessly as the five beauties walk in. There are monobrows, fake zits, socks with sandals – picture the most cliché, costume-y looking lame attempt at geekery that you can imagine and there you have it. They look like five pretty girls, still with perfect makeup, in ugly clothes. Waste of a cool opportunity. The girls will be interviewed for a job in their geek’s field of expertise, judged by a panel consisting of the CNET editor, a human lie detector (which seems pointless since the challenge is unashamedly to lie) and a woman called Maude who combines beauty and geek effortlessly. Is she the hip young thing on that computer game show on the ABC? She has cool hair.

Kim is up first. She’s being interviewed to be an aerospace engineer. She has a plan. Act really smart. She doesn’t quite hit her brief, but she nails the first question and then dodges a technical question neatly by telling the panel somewhat haughtily that she could explain it to them, but they probably wouldn’t understand. Hilarious.

Chontelle is up next, to apply to be a programmer. She tells them she would like to program a girl game. She also tells them that a ‘beta’ version of the game is just a ‘better’ version of the game.

Millie is applying to be a robotics engineer. The bottom fell out when she couldn’t tell them what the job was. Then she crashed a robot into the judge’s foot.

Kristy is asked about her favourite building when planning a town. She talks about residential areas and apparently is doing well – then she criticises a toy town they’ve provided. It was pretty good. Jason is impressed.

Alin is now telling the panel about how much she loves growing bacteria, as evidenced by her monobrow. Alin then does a Science Experiment for them. She tries to put an egg in a bottle by lighting some paper on fire and then shoving a boiled egg in.

Surely Kim or Kristy has this in the bag. Am I right? Sure am. Kristy wins. She and Jason will be in the finale next week.

Back at the mansion, Chard and Millie begin a decent sucking up campaign with Kristy and Jason. Alin and Dane are conflicted. Of the three couples left, they have allegiances to all of them. Dane is Millie’s boyfriend and Chontelle and Kim are like, Alin’s BFFs. How this has gone in previous episodes is that Alin sulks and argues until she gets her own way – let’s see if she can get Dane to nominate Millie. Jason and Kristy will vote for either Chard and Millie, or Rich and Kim.

Millie and Dane go for a maybe-goodbye walk in the front garden of the mansion. It seemed all very ho-hum until Millie drops a bombshell and tells Dane that she loves him. He loves her too. Violins strike up. This has worked out quite well. CUE KISSY FACE.
It’s nomination tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!

Everyone’s dress is sparkly. Chard’s hair is so rock’n’roll. Dane cites ‘being a threat’ as their reason for nominating Cody and Chontelle. Chontelle knows that it means ‘lesser BFF’ and Dane is crying again. Cody is sad. Jason and Kristy have nominated Rich and Kim because of how many times they’ve won challenges. Rich is sad. Chard and Millie are guaranteed a spot in the final. Chard is excited. So is his hair.

Kim and Rich have never been to an elimination before, so it’s probably about time. Cody knows the Uluru is popular, so he’s in with a chance. It’s quizzy quiz time.

The geeks are answering questions first. Cody guesses that a big guitar is in Nashville, but it’s Tamworth. Rich goes next. He thinks jodhpurs go on your head. Really, Rich? He’s wrong, it’s legs. Cody gets a question about Hugh Jackman in ‘Australia’ so he’s all good. Rich is asked who has dated all of Taylor Swift’s boyfriends and he knows, because apparently he’s a 14 year old girl. The scores are 1-1.
It’s the beauties’ turn.

Chontelle is asked what Batman’s real name is. She knows it’s Bruce Wayne, as indeed she should. Kim is asked who directed ‘ET’ and ‘Jurassic Park’. She knows. You know too. 2-2. Chontelle knows that Internet Explorer is Microsoft, which brings the scores to 3-2. Kim has one question left. She must finish Captain Kirk’s catchphrase. She says ‘no one’ instead of ‘no man’ and just like that, Kim and Rich are out of the competition.

The exit interview is super, super awkward.

Next time: the finale! SEGUEWAY JOUSTING. And someone wins money and a girly car. BUT THE JOUSTING. That looks AMAZING.