The Block All Stars – Sun-Fri 7pm, Ch9
http://homes.ninemsn.com.au/theblock/
It’s 7 o’block! Last night Mark and Duncan scored a win with their well-styled kids’ bedroom. Their moustaches positively bristle with pride. Phil and Amity missed out on the win by one point but are very content with the judges’ approbation for their weird fluffy wall art styling.

Josh and Jenna are complaining about the judges’ failure to appreciate their perfectly proportioned mirror, but they don’t even have moustaches, so who cares what they think? Josh also offers that its ridiculous that the judges can withhold points simply because they don’t like the styling of the room. What is this, some kind of renovation/home design show where people’s raw creativity is JUDGED for MONEY? Why you gotta hate, judges?!

Dan and lady Dan have done better than last week’s whimper but still come in last as Chump and man Chump for the week. They are also cross. Jenna fumes that if Bondi wants yellow floorboards and green and blue cushions, then herself, Josh, Dan and Dani need to leave the competition, because they’re better than that. The mirror was ugly, Jenna. Shut up.

Dan tries to be funny. Fails completely. So it’s bathrooms this week. Floorboards are being ripped up, moustaches are getting dusty.

Amity is prettying herself up for the million tradies who are about to arrive. Absentmindedly brushes gently at her eyeliner, she explains that you cannot waste a second during bathroom week.

Dan explains that this week they’re going to smash it out and be confident. Granite tiles arrive from Melbourne. 45 square metres of them. Dani is pleased.

Josh has finally stopped whining and explains their plan for the bathroom. Rather than tile floor to ceiling, they will only be tiling the shower and a feature wall behind the bath. It sounds nice, not least of all because he’s no longer complaining about submitting to subjective criticism that he volunteered for. Also, heritage skirting boards. Nice.

Mark and Duncan are sitting in their soon-to-be bathroom room which is missing a floor. They agree firstly that the first two days of the week are critical. Secondly, they agree they need a floor.

Dani is stressed. She’s carrying around one of her granite tiles asking if everyone likes it. Serial killer music plays and the camera wobbles and zooms ominously as Dan, Dani and a builder stare at the offending tile.

Bathrooms begin to spring up as Mark and Duncan turn their attention to their living room. They need to go and make some art. Duncan conspiratorially tells us that they’re planning to get a plaster cast of their faces. Magnificent. First they have to find their winner’s Suzuki. It’s… some kind of car. A white one. With a black bit.

Back at the Block, Keith is striding to scary music in search of Brad, Phil and Amity’s builder. They had an engineer look at it and say structural words and it’s a dud SO – long, stern, boring story short, Brad has to fix it or Keith will ground him.

Mark and Duncan get all art-like with gloop face. Their moustaches have been imprinted on eternity.

Phil is perched on a ladder, surrounded by no less than four tradies, complaining about all the work that has to be done. He skips off to get them a cuppa.

Jenna and Josh have decided now is the best time to bicker about the linen door. They’re probably right.

At Phil and Amity’s house, someone has shot a nail right through their hand. The men chuckle manfully and Amity bustles off to boil some water and rip up some sheets. Keith sends him to hospital. Phil declares that it’s all hands on deck so if Dan (nail through the hand) is out, then he’s in but it now means there’s no one on the reserve bench. Hopefully they can call someone else in to sit on a ladder and not do anything.

Amity is shopping for a fireplace for the bathroom. A fireplace. In the bathroom. Greatest. Idea. Ever.

Mark and Duncan are back from Art and ready to build a bathroom. They show off their floor tiles, which boast a wood grain design. They’re also planning a urinal for a bit of wow. I’d really much rather a fireplace.

Dan has a fair bit of work done and is feeling cheerful. Dani is exalting over the $5500 bathtub that she’s bought and also seems quite cheerful.

Despite having already chosen all of their bathroom fittings, Jenna is on the hunt for some key fittings that will really ‘make’ the room. She finds a showerhead that expels a localised torrential rainstorm and runs it past Josh. Despite it being 50% off, $1200 is deemed too expensive for the rainstorm and they return to Reece.

Phil and Amity are telling Scott about their bathroom with a magic mirror that turns into a TV and the fireplace. Why would you even need the rest of the house?

Keith is wandering around being sensible and telling people off and being generally boring. He catches Phil and Brad high-fiving over a floor without glue and gets all grumpy. He shows Brad and Phil that they’re wrong and need to redo it. Brad responds with a kind of maniacal cheerfulness that denotes either extreme passive aggression or shameless incompetence.

Mark and Duncan are running low on time after spending their morning doing Art. The situation is exacerbated when suppliers send them the wrong gear.

Both Dani and Jenna are limited on how much shopping they can do this week. They wield power tools as Alicia Keyes sings about girls being on fire. Luckily, neither of the girls actually catch fire. Dan fondly says that Dani will sleep well tonight, after a big day playing at being useful.

It’s time for tools down on the first day of bathroom week. Nearly everyone is bleary and weary but fairly optimistic. Mark and Duncan are now looking at the very real possibility that they won’t deliver a room this week. They still have no floor.

Dani has turned against her tiles. She’s got two weeks of Chump stink on her, which adds up to a lot of self-doubt. Also, the tiles really are ugly. Dan and the menfolk think that they look good and Dani is over-thinking it. Dani refuses to give in and is close to tears at the wrongness of the tiles.

Tomorrow night: rain, bickering and so much product placement that your eyes will bleed!