My Kitchen Rules – Mon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7
http://au.tv.yahoo.com/my-kitchen-rules/
After the disaster of Lisa & Candice last night we all thought we knew how things would play out for the rest of the teams, but then in the sizzle for tonight it was revealed that Ali & Samuel are the team to have cheating claims levelled against them! OMG!!! But for what? Only tonight will tell in their Wonderland (and will the Beauties reveal themselves to be worse than the Spite Girls?)…

Oh look, it’s markets by a marina – it must be Hobart. Samuel turns up with his Mad Hatter’s hat because their relationship is quirky and completely sexually-charged which is just what real life is like. TO make it even more awkward Ali knows Samuel as he’s a good mate of her recent ex-husband. AWKWARD.

They work well together because they both tell each other how it should be and they’re convinced this year’s title will go to Tassie, but only if it’s awarded on cliches.

Ali lectures Samuel to “use his words” and not be his usual all hands. Sam questions their relationship but Samuel won’t have a bar of it. “She’ll be right, mate,” he offers, baffling the guy used to hearing “bingo bango” every ten seconds.

Meat procured and they’ve picked it because it’s quirky (quirky count already at three) and it’s Samuel’s signature dish. Pete notes the flavour has to be bang on in the hand-made curry paste. It’s stressing Ali as they shop which means she really just needs a lie down and a good fingerbanging.

NOTE FOR LATER: Sam picks up a pre-made curry paste (that isn’t a specific sponsor).

The “just friends” race home to start their prep and restaurant set up which leaves us with a short time to hear what Mick & Matt have to say by way of support… well, Mick only, because everything Matt says ends up on the cutting room floor.

Like every other team they’ve 30 minutes to dress their Instant Restaurant “Wonderland” because everyone will spend the night wondering about what land Ali & Samuel think they all live in to not question their relationship. Samuel ends up in the kitchen and notes the cooking clock has started.

TOO MANY MENTIONS OF ALI’S STRESS LEVELS. Seriously she needs some “alone time”. Their menu, however, has captured Pete & Manu’s eye…

Entree – Thai Beef Curry Strips with a mai tai granita.
Main – Squid Hood Stuffed with Pork with asian greeds and sweet chilli sauce.
Dessert – “Thai-rifle” (a Thai inspired trifle).

Yes the dessert pun is appalling and incredibly insensitive considering they come from the home of Australia’s gun violence. Pete likes sponge and jelly and custard and fruit and he’s worried what’ll be in the dessert. Because every team has made some kind of custard or anglaise we’re reminded again that nobody wants to make scrambled eggs for dessert. I don’t see why not. It could be something nice for once.

Samuel’s confident. Ali’s stressed. The gelatine is ambivalent but snorts and and moves on.

And what’s with all this “Mumma” bizzo? Touch of the Freud’s, methinks.

Reflecting on the main: Squid hood (giggle) stuffed (chortle) with pork (guffaw). It’s like being in High School sex ed classes all over again.

Samuel loves stuffing hoods which might explain his lack of interest in Ali. Manu likes his squid so that it isn’t chewy and well seasoned pork. Just like his beef strips – “You can’t serve up dry meat,” says Ali (which speaks volumes about her confidence).

With 20 minutes to go Ali & Samuel are well on form and looking forward to the night. Lisa & Candice arrive already bitching; the others expectant. Somehow The Bitch has become reasonable Joanna again compared to the WA beauty queens. BING BONG the guests are at the door.

Chris continues the dream that Samuel and Ali may end up together. Sam chuckles and agrees but doesn’t really agree. Luke & Scott say what everyone is thinking: Lisa & Candice must be spewing to come into such a nice place with big expectations on the food. Joanna the now somewhat nicer gives Lisa & Candice her worst death stare which really looks like she’s constipated (and, if this instant restaurant is the night after WA, she may well be).

All seems to be well in Wonderland for the guests so the hosts dive back into the kitchen to continue prep. Cupcake & Joanna are not please to be sitting across from the Beauty Bitches and start bitching about that.

NOT FOR LATER: Samuel justifies the use of the pre-bought curry paste because he believes you need at least a couple of days for all the flavours to infuse properly and that doesn’t fit within the MKR timeframe. They are, however, allowed to purchase store-bought vegetables and are not expected to grow them from scratch the day they’re cooking.

BING BONG it’s Pete & Manu! The judges are expecting an interesting night, and Pete notes it’s quite ‘surreal’ sitting down at the table next to the Beauty Bitches. Right from the get go Lisa & Candice are critical of Ali & Samuel’s everything – ESPECIALLY their relationship.

Pete, for some reason, pops in to see how they’re going with the entree and immediately asks about the curry paste – “How did you make that?”.

It’s exactly like the producer’s dobbed them in or something.

Samuel admits the paste is “from the jar” which shocks Pete and leads to the “that, to me, is cheating” line. Ali & Samuel on the back foot from the get-go and they don’t even know it yet, poor little love-lorn birdies. Ali’s a little bit stressed again.

Cupcake is getting all inspirated again. Candice has to check with her Mum/sister if it’s a real word. Luke & Scott love the word “inspirated”. Inspiratedtional.

Samuel admits to failing Home Ec because he brought a curry paste in a jar to the exam too. IT’S ALL FALLING INTO PLACE!

Entree is plated and served without issue, though Candice hoped Samuel would drop one just to give her and her SisterMum a chance.

Pete offers straight up – he doesn’t think the dish works. He doesn’t like the granita and he especially doesn’t like the jar paste at all. AND the beef was over-cooked. Manu has to agree with Pete because a producer said so. Candice is delighted and perhaps her horoscope will vaguely come true!

Samuel takes it all on his sizeable chin and the team move onto prepping main course. The guests dig in and the general vibe is that it’s OK but the Beauty Bitches are stepping well into the void left by the Spite Girls. Joanna loves Ali & Samuel and has her sights set on Lisa & Candice.

The tears are to be revealed not related to the cheating claim. NOW THE EDITORS ARE LYING TO US!!!

Samuel’s making the sauce for the main and offers if they run out they can always add in some from the bottle in the cupboard. BAM-BOWM thanks for playing.

Discussion on the main confuses Steph, Lisa & Candice when Scott refers to his love for the cephalopod family with the exception of squid, cuttlefish and octopus. The three aren’t sure what the word is. Sam admits he doesn’t like lion and Candice reveals she doesn’t like pubes between her teeth.

Just as Samuel starts cooking the main the gas runs out. After a 10 minute scurry around the backyard he connects up the BBQ gas bottle and in no time they are again cooking with gas. Literally, though not metaphorically speaking as there’s too much stress from Ali.

Lisa’s singing again and it takes all the self-control Dan can muster to not lean across the table and stab her through her ample bosom. That’s actually part of the reason he can’t do it – he’s a breast man. Lisa admits she expects others to tell her to shut up if they don’t like it, but then she doesn’t hang with polite company.

The first of the squid hoods have shrunk like so many of Samuel’s dreams tonight and as soon as he crumbs them they go straight into the fryer. The crumb is falling off as they cut and plate the hoods but “she’ll be right”. Even the random vegies look scrappy to stressed Ali. Even the sauce has run out early.

Ali finishes plating and bursts into tears, so like all good and proud women, she initially hides in the cupboard and then goes outside for a minute. “Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong,” she offers. Could this be the thing that draws the couple together? One would hope not.

Plated with tears and served with regret, main is laid out for all to taste. Lisa bitches about the plating. Pete & Manu inhale the food and then with the usual producer prompt Manu asks about the main. Candice sees Ali’s crying as a sign of weakness and sits back on her chair, retracting the snakes that have revealed themselves from under her wig. The bitch has become a witch.

The tears have worked somewhat as Manu thinks there’s not much wrong with what’s in front of him. It’s all good from his perspective and they could have done a better job with the plating but he liked it. Pete says exactly the same thing as Manu but ever-so slightly differently. The nice comments weren’t expected by the team OR by the Bitchy Beauties who instantly turn it on against the food.

Joanna’s death stare is now comparable to that of Julie Bishop’s famed stare of doom and aimed squarely at Lisa & Candice.

The second granita of the night but all the other elements seem to have come together OK. Ali’s lost all perspective and claims that the custard being too runny and melting down into the sponge is her “worst nightmare come true”. She obviously forgets the dramas of entree and main. There’s a suggestion that including mango in the custard will help bind it all together which is considered to be the best they can do with what they want.

All the Thai puns are now coming out: Thai-riffic. Thai-ragic. Thai-resome. Thai-red.

Lisa moans about no carbohydrate. She really needs it because she’s building up for a big fight. Joanna is bored by her comment and Cupcake laughs at the inspirated words. Ali & Samuel are much more confident with dessert so it’s plated and delivered awaiting the comments of the judges.

Pete enjoyed the flavours but feels the techniques are flawed. Jelly too hard, custard too hard, Samuel too hard. He would have also preferred some fresh fruit. Manu felt he was drinking a pina colada. It’s all too hard for Samuel. Lisa imagines some rice in the dessert to add to her carb count causing jokes Luke & Scott to have another moment. Joanna doesn’t want Lisa & Candice in the competition anymore.

The guests scores will indeed be telling…

Dan & Steph – 6.
Sam & Chris – 7
Jenna & Joanna – 7.
Luke & Scott – 7.
Lisa & Candice – 3. (C: “Cooking from a jar doesn’t count.”)

Guest total = 30/50. Best guest score so far, but that’s not good enough for the Queen Bitch.

P Entree – 2; M Entree – 3. (M: “That you didn’t make your curry paste is a no-no.”)
P Main – 9; M Main – 8.
P Dessert – 6; M Dessert – 5.

Grand Total = 63/110. Nothing is good enough for Lisa, though it’s obvious she’d have a go at anything at the moment. It scrapes the second Tassie team into second and provides a buffer.

We’ve been let down again by the sizzle and promos suggesting the controversy with the Tassie team when it wasn’t that big a deal. Will it happen again? We’ll find out if you trust the sizzle we got for Luke & Scott for tomorrow night. Delicious!