Excess BaggageMon-Thu 7pm, Ch9.

See, there's your problem. Someone drilled holes in your buckets...

We’re still in Taswegia, and it’s Endurance Challenge day (otherwise known as the day of the living hell). Everyone’s totally on fashion wearing camel and wondering what’s going on. Under medical “advice” Dipper, Ajay, Brant & John can’t compete – and the rest will be split into three teams of four to compete in 5 separate challenges as they make their way across the scenic cow paddock. Even just explaining what the challenges are makes my head hurt… hang on, that was just Ajay complaining about not being able to compete.

Trainer Christian has three team names already: Sharks, Tigers & Devils. He’s such an organised spunk. Teams are selected by picking bag tags, leaving us with: Lana, Matt, Gabby, Ben – Sharks; Nathan, Christine, Darryn, Lisa – Devils; K-Fed, Renae, Kate, Sarah – Tigers. K-Fed feels like he’s “wearing a bra” when he puts on the team bib. At least one outside his clothes. The challenges are all about communication, skill, brawn, teamwork, synergy, engagement, community, humiliation at the mouth of Darryn, and silly bra bibs.

IT’S ON! It’s raining, Darryn’s yelling, Christine’s encouraging, more rain, more Darryn, more exercise. You get the idea – exercise is had, mental challenges are mentalled, Nathan dry retches, Gabby notes she’s mental, Darryn points out how to play with balls, K-Fed show us he can do puzzles(!), craziness ensues, Survivor intellectual property is breached. DARRYN! At least it’s not Ajay – how is she coping not being on screen? I guess we’ll find out after the challenge.

A special note: Darryn struggled with mental challenge. [giggle]

All the teams finished with the oversized “make a cube” puzzle, and the Sharks brought it home for the win, followed not very closely by the Tigers then the Devils (kinda reinforces why they’re extinct). I’m kind of mesmerised by Darryn’s hair – he’s clearly getting it refreshed at some point and some colours are changing. What a peacock.

It’s nutrition corner with Dr Joanna now… and today’s topic is sugar! SUGAR! Sweet, delictable, tasty, chocolatey sugar. “The problem is when we have too much sugar,” says Dr Joanna. As an object lesson they have to allocate sugar cubes to four different things – fresh raspberries vs lolly raspberries and fresh OJ vs Orange juice cordial. Ajay is still wearing that stupid oversized cat hat. No wonder she’s not allowed in the challenges. All the contestants come to understand that they need to be smarter with their sugar consumption. SUGAR! Now where are those lollies?…

The urgent music tells us only one thing lay ahead: A review of the week’s activities. Then a scoreboard review ready for the Check In tomorrow. Ajay & Matt lead the way with 11 points, followed very closely by Dipper & Lana on 10 then Gabby & Ben on 8, with the others all trailing off behind. Darryn & Lisa and Christine & Nathan round out the bottom on 2. Guess who is unimpressed? It’s gonna be one hell of a Check In.

My Kitchen RulesMon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7

"Should we make it a man or a woman getting eaten?"

Settle in, people – this is the episode we’ve ALL been waiting for. Team Qld’s Peter & Gary finally get to show us all how it’s done.

Allegedly it starts by having a long breakfast at their local fave cafe on the Gold Coast, and Peter sending back his meal because the eggs were wrong. That’s not unreasonable – that’s just getting what you ordered. They both love French cooking, and Peter tells Gary what he finds annoying (I know, right?!) about Gary is that he never pays attention to time and he makes such a mess. Maybe that’s a metaphor for their “special cuddles” time?

Their menu is a very special level of “Peter & Gary pretentiousness”. Entree: Gruyere & Tomato Tart; Main – Unpronouncable, but I think it’s a beef fillet; Dessert – Poached Pear Sauterne, two ways (said the nun to the priest!). Pete thinks their entree sounds too simple, & Manu signs that Peter & Gary are trying to be “too French” with their main course. Even he didn’t know what it was. That can’t be great when the native Frenchman doesn’t understand your French menu.

Their instant restaurant is “La Cote D’or”, and that’s French for “You Leave Your Coat At The Door.” Better than their first choice, which was “It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin.”

All of the other contestants have been rubbing their hands with glee over their chance to taste Peter & Gary’s menu. But first – cooking! Peter & Gary don’t expect their guests to know just how good their jus will be, but they expect Manu will know. The word “jus” is said a lot. Jus. Gary’s all over the pastry for the entree tarts.

“The advantage we have over the other teams,” says Peter, “Is that we know how to cook.” Where do you start with that kind of self-confidence?!

With that, preparation is done. What about the beef fillet main? Anyway, doesn’t matter as BONG BONG the guests are here. They’re all thoroughly underwhelmed with the table setting of blue/gold tablecloth and figurines, with Sam expecting something far classier and Jillian looking more like a sock puppet filled with marbles by the minute. There’s no champagne flutes! Strike one.

The boys are preparing the tarts (oo-er) in the kitchen, and there’s a slight disagreement over the amount of mustard. They’re ever so confident. Pete & Manu arrive, and Pete reminds us unnecessarily people have been looking forward to this meal for some time as they’ve talked themselves up quite a bit. There’s a squee in the kitchen when they know Pete & Manu have arrived, and they race out to greet them, pushing and shoving like little boys.

Andy can barely contain himself laughing at Gary’s pretentiousness, and the ever diplomatic Nic notes, “We live in Australia – speak english.” This from the boy with the woggiest accent since Effie. Peter & Gary introduce the menu, and Pete & Manu are excited while the rest of the guests make fun of their own ignorance. Gary thinks the guests are impressed by the menu – cut to Sam & Jillian turning their nose up at the “tart & the roast”. Easier for Jillian than Sam, as her nose is detachable.

Scientician Andrew is hoping for the best cheese & tomato tart they’ve ever seen. The boys are so busy that everyone has to pour their own drinks. Strike two. Tarts go in the oven as Peter & Gary acknowledge they’ve never cooked for 12 people before. Turning the tarts out is tough as the base disc is stuck to the pastry, so they elect to serve them with it in place. That’s not going to cause them any sort of problem now, is it?

Pete & Manu dive in, and with standard misdirection they’re upset about the discs (“That’s a no-no”) but love the entree. PHEW! Off to cook mains while the rest of the plebs under-appreciate their tart. Time for Dr Gary to trim the fillet – something that should have been done HOURS ago – while Peter makes mushroom paste. Out at the table Pete notes he and Manu love the entree and the rest of the babies can’t stand it. While the prep continues in the kitchen, the natives are getting restless – well, it has been TWO HOURS since entree. Dark looks from everyone. Peter & Gary aren’t even topping up drinks.

The Tasmanian engaged brother & sister turn their nose up at the menu too because it sounds too complex and contains too many foreign words. Too many syllables too. Gary continues at his pace with mains while Peter prepares the pears for dessert. The Gold Coast boys know the guests have all been in their position, so hopefully they’ll all understand that while they’ve had to wait for dinner it’ll be worth it. Strike three.

At hour three between entree and main arriving, the cannibalism conversation breaks out. Sam’s ready to eat either Nic or Rocco. This in front of her potential mother-in-law. Peter & Gary plate, and deliver their meal. FINALLY. “We’re horribly late, but I hope their going to be focusing on the quality of the food and not the lateness.” Buckleys, dude. Buckleys.

Pete’s gobsmacked, Manu’s become almost legible when he speaks, and they’re both underwhelmed at the presentation. Manu lectures them on the lateness of the meal; Pete labels it a disaster, which Gary tries to laugh off but Pete holds him to account. Those that haven’t been eaten at the table (Nic is suspiciously absent) are ready to dive in. Both judges think the food is brilliant though the timing has really hurt them. Everyone likes the food, though again their impatience plays heavy on their opinion.

In the kitchen it’s a reserved craziness preparing the pears – even Peter notes they have to get dessert out ASAP. Team Tas’s Andy wants to know what “two sauces” means. Somebody draw the Tasmanian a picture, please. An ADDITIONAL HOUR later the dessert is delivered. You can imagine that by approximately midnight all goodwill has evaporated for Peter & Gary, and no matter what they served now they’re in trouble. But they’re quietly confident. “They look like a pair of bosoms!” says Sam. What fun she is – she says what everyone isn’t thinking!

It’s been the cooking techniques that have saved them, notes Pete – the pears have been poached to perfection, but their timings have killed them. One sauce too many too. The pips in the pears perturb Manu. Given it’s the next day, everyone chows down and just wants to get to the entire reason they’re there – JUDGEMENT. Gary thinks they’ll still be in the top three, certainly better than Sam & Jillian. Meow.

Blah blah big expectations, disappointed, blah blah couldn’t read the menu, blah blah late, blah blah Tasmanians, blah blah. Team NSW – 4; Team SA – 6; Team Vic – 5; Team Tas – 4; Team WA – 5. Total score 24/50. Spots the teams out for revenge! Peter & Gary are shocked at the team scores, but Peter thinks it’s because they’re perceived as a threat and they want to get rid of “good competition”. Pete and Manu scored:
P Entree – 9; M Entree – 9
P Main – 6; M Main – 6
P Dessert – 4; M Dessert – 5 (“A four?! A four for me is a fail! It’s less thank 50%!”)
Overall score: 63/110
This puts Peter & Gary into third position (somewhat surprisingly to everyone else). With only Team Vic of Carly & Emily to go, and then a special extra twist(!) at the end of the episode AND Peter & Gary out for revenge… it’s on like Donkey Kong.