The Block All StarsMon, Tue, Thu 7pm, Ch9

"This, Phil, is a cushion..."

“This, Phil, is a cushion…”

Previously on The Block – SURPRISE and so forth. Tonight they get busy and burn shit down. Here comes ANOTHER one…

Morning on Day 3, and as sure as the sun rises the problems rise also. Like Tradies that arrive early (UNPRECEDENTED). Last time J&J were quirky & retro – this time they’re grown up and retro.

Phil & Amity meet with Builder Brad to try to convince him to work with them for next to nothing 24/7 over the next 6 weeks to get the job done. Builder Brad isn’t so sure, and he’s last seen scurrying down the street Road Runner style. P&A know they’ve got a mountain of work to do so sit down and tell a camera crew all about it. There’s tiles to be found so Amity’s on the case (thank the gods for technology).

Mark & Duncan are struggling with their cornices falling apart. Not a problem except they’ve got a room to deliver in a couple of days. Trauma, trauma, trauma.

Meanwhile Josh, Jenna, Dan & Dani are slowly morphing into the one person. Their attempt at making a mould to use to replace their cornice doesn’t work the first time, so they try it again to ensure it doesn’t work the second time.

Seeing as “shabby chic” is no longer a thing, Amity looks to her sources to see what the new trend is. “Shitty chic” has also passed her by. It is strongly suspected M&D will deliver some “shabby shit” at some point. It’s now all about “clean retro” or whatever Queen Shaynna decrees to be a thing this week.

Not giving up on their template idea Dan & Josh have managed to make a profile with ply to use with wet plaster in place of getting new cornices. If this works it’ll be a whole new thing The Block marketing machine will have copyrighted and in Mitre 10 stores by Thursday. It works as far as their concerned, so look out for your “Cornice-erator” on the weekend. Mark isn’t so convinced initially but after a quick production meeting is won over.

Power tools are in use and power-selling tools arrive on site to shill their wares to the Blockheads. Also shopping. Josh buys Bosch and will for the rest of the episode be known as Josch.

Duncan’s getting in touch with his ovaries and is off looking at finishes like wallpaper featuring a zebra’s arse. He’s willing to take a big risk because that way you end up either first or last – there is no second place. Dan has big plans too for out the back… he wants to have a polished concrete floor and is running his plans past the architect (check), the concreter (check) and Keef (well, as long as you dig out the foundations to be wider yourself… check).

Rather than cut a stick of wood to use as a template Dan keeps measuring with his tape measure. What a pro. It all comes unstuck as he finds the world’s-biggest-tree-root-in-the-place-most-inappropriate-to-Dan. Under the watchful gaze of Keef he attempts to cut it out. More on this breaking story as it comes apart.

If you look really closely into Keef's eyes, you can see into his empty soul...

If you look really closely into Keef’s eyes, you can see into his empty soul…

Duncan has found a high-backed sex chair that will be the feature piece in his first bedroom. Then he finds a face, a clock and a different zebra’s arse, all of which will look great in their room.

Dan finishes the channel widening and Keef pats him on the back. This is the last time they share a kind word.

Mark, using the “cornice-erator”, has patched their cornicing which makes Duncan a happy workmate. Julian the architect has been paged by Josch & Jenna regarding a plan change to include a mezzanine… the secret weapons are starting to come out.

Waiting until dark to reveal his shopping plunder Duncan is very proud of his choices.

“At the end of the day, you’ve come back pleased with your hand on your clock,” offers Mark.
“It’s a big clock too,” adds Duncan.
“Yeah, it’s big, but you’ve got small hands,” retorts Mark.

The late nights are already taking their toll on Dani – she got to bed at the difficult hour of 9:30pm and had to be awake by 6:30am. The pressure is really on. Well, it is once the Blockheads are all summoned by text to Block HQ for this week’s challenge (the first for Phil & Amity and Mark & Duncan).

Phil & Amity’s car has changed. NEWS AT ELEVEN.

The Block HQ is essentially a museum to the successes and failures of the past (you can work out which there are more of). Scotty has signed the teams up to renovate a room each at Ronald McDonald House, with the winners taking away their weight in cheeseburgers (and $5,000 for the charity of the winner’s choice – and Wattyl will paint the front of their house).

The teams are challenged to convert the rooms into and adults AND kids bedroom all in one, with the colour palette being the most important criteria to be judged on. With only 7 hours the teams are up against it… but they’ve $8,000 each and a supplied plumber & sparky.

Once rooms are claimed, it’s all about the design. Jenna has recently studied colour psychology so is able to tell Josch what colour will do what to their chakra. P&A are looking at a rainforest theme, while M&D are looking at a functionally better room. Better than they can deliver.

The drive to the shops allows each team to discuss their colour strategies – there is no strategy. Jenna tells us the psychology behind the colour green is a reminder of the Gangnam area and all the cash that is available to the single ladies. At Mitre 10 J&J and D&D are tracking down materials while P&A and M&D are still trying to find shops.

The pictures of Dorian Cam

The pictures of Dorian Cam

For this challenge Mark will design and Duncan will build, so this means the carpet will be on the ceiling and the lion will lay down with the lamb. It’s a great relationship building exercise in swapping roles to allow each partner to appreciate what the other does and it has the desired effect – both boys feel well out of their depth.

Turning the charity charm, P&A are negotiating with the shops to help save on the price to stretch their budget. “Maybe we have no shame?” offers Amity. “Or maybe we just like to screw those bastard retailers to the wall every chance we get?”

It’s a hive of activity at Ronald McDonald House while the teams shop. Three of the four teams see the hours slipping away, but M&D are pacing themselves. No rush. They’ve still got five hours. The others are acting like they’ve got five minutes.

“Now I know why it takes so long to shop,” says Dan. “It’s because women do it.”

In what could be his master stroke, Mark drops Duncan back at the house to paint and heads back out to buy pretty much everything. He arrives at the shops to see them all shutting up. He pulls an Indiana Jones to slide into the lighting store to get their fixtures – whatever they may be.

Somehow conveniently D&D “bump into” a family strategically placed for them to bump into outside Ronald McDonald House. Whaddya know – they’re staying in D&D’s room! In another twist of fate the family wonderful and live miles away so it really highlights the good that Ronald McDonald House do.

It’s all crashing down around M&D as the former realises he now can’t get anything as all the shops are shut. For realz. Shut down tighter than J&J’s deal for their wedding photos with one of the women’s mags. Tighter than Keef’s jockstrap. Tighter than the tightly embedded product placement. Tighter than… well, you get the picture.

What’s in the safe? We’ll have to watch on Thursday to find out.

D&D and J&J are embroiling themselves in a “bed-head-off”. While they distract each other with their competitive nature the tortises that are P&A and M&D plug along, with Mark being thrown a lifeline by finding the very last place that was open for him to purchase the things he needs.

Josh's "liar, liar, pants on fire" offence proves to be ineffective.

Josh’s “liar, liar, pants on fire” offence proves to be ineffective.

Arriving to paint J&J discover their paint choice isn’t what they want – so it’s ceiling white all round. P&A arrive back, as does Mark with his spoil (not spoils). Scotty calls the teams together to reveal him standing with his pictures that have been brought in from The Block. It’s his very own Dorian Gray moment, though it seems to be working in reverse as the pictures appear to grow younger by the minute.

It is revealed that behind the pictures are wall safes – surprises to the young’uns but a known entity to the wrinklies. Scotty announces that the winner of the challenge will be given (for the first and last time on offer in this competition) the entire combination to any safe on The Block… except for their own. Given nobody knows what’s in them this revelation offers the proverbial cat an introduction to said pigeons.

Amity starts painting for the first time in 10 years, and Mark reveals a wall more purple than Duncan has seen in his entire life. Josch is busy cutting up the ply for his feature wall when “surprise, surprise” he wins an emergency visit from the local Fire Department. “Never give a plumber a power tool,” jokes Dan. “Yeah, and never give Josh a… power tool…” jokes Dani. How embarrassment.

The entire place is evacuated – including all the families currently staying in other parts of the accommodation. At least the ladies get to appreciate the distraction.

The challenge completes on Thursday so we won’t know who wins until then, but in a bizarre twist of fate IT’S ALL ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED IN THE FINAL MINUTE JUST LIKE AN EPISODE OF 24!!! What will Queen Shaynna & Darren Palmer do?! Hopefully not be all nice and call shit for what it is when they see it…