The Block All StarsSun-Fri 7pm, Ch9
Previously on the Block, everyone worried about everything. It is, after all “Hell Week” and we’re not talking about Dani being pre-menstrual.

It’s a lovely day to wake for Dan(i) because it’s a big day – the concrete is poured out the back and Dan will get a smile out of his partner, he hopes. J&J have been up and at it for a few hours and are considering getting out of bed to do some real work.

Duncan’s pretty positive with the bathroom he and Mark will deliver; Amity’s also pretty stoked that they only have a couple of coats of paint to put on the ceiling but Phil has noted a dent in a metal edge that he must have put there, so to aggravate Amity he brings her in for a show and tell. All the stuffing around is preparing her to physically harm him. When he points it out it’s frustrating but what can you do but laugh. And fix it NOW, Phil.

It’s poor day… sorry, pour day for Dan(i) and he’s super happy. Mark’s happy about it because it’s meant that’s where all the focus is and not down their end of town. Duncan’s looking forward to hanging the big horn in the bathroom (after all, where else would you have a big horn?). Maybe the boys should ask Josh?

Everyone’s bathrooms are all a-buzz with tradies & finishing. Glueing, sawing, sticking, painting – the finishing hasn’t even started. Duncan’s nicking out to a lingerie shop to source a bit of lady’s undergarment off the horn in his bathroom. The conversation is a bit protracted and uncomfortable – everything it should be. Just hurry up and hang the slip off your horn, mate.

Josh’s big moment is getting his bath fitted. All for resale & he’s well impressed. Though there wasn’t a lot of lifting on his part. Phil the thinker, on the other hand, is busy mucking around with a remote control camera he’s gonna send into J&J’s place to check out their tiles. Amity leaves the boys to their toys and gets back to work.

Oh, how we laughed when Josh put the camera in the toilet. Oh, how we… whatever.

All power tool usage has to be completed by 4:30pm – 90 minutes to go. With 1000 people in Dan(i)’s bathroom there’s lots to get done and not a lot of noisy time left. Their expensive bath goes in and… Dani notices a scratch. Her self-fulfilling prophecy of failure has indeed come to pass. Dan jokes about looking for the local church to go and cut tiles at. “We CAN do a bathroom without bending the rules,” says Dani defiantly. Power tools down successfully.

Josh is confident; Phil is playing with the fire in their bathroom. Dani’s still uncertain about their tile choice. Duncan is worried they may have gone too far with their horn-fest. Not. Possible.

Amity’s confident the only way anyone could beat their bathroom would be to deliver a room with gold-plated walls and a plumbed toilet.

John Howard still has big eyebrows.

It’s reveal morning and everyone had a big night cleaning and finishing up. Phil & Amity take a moment for an uncharacteristic lie in (to 6am), conserving energy for the day ahead. No chance of a morning nookie as now they’re parents any kid-free mornings are spent for the most benefit – sleeping. They’re basically done and dusted.

Mark & Duncan are very tired but very proud of their big horn, and celebrate by the ceremonial hanging of the lingerie.

Dan’s proud of this slab out the back, while Dani is copping some sleep after a late night cleaning-fest. Josh is looking forward to using his new shower tonight but Jenna doesn’t want to tell him the new shower is a no-go for him – his Sideshow Bob hair is the problem.

Duncan’s concerned about mounting the horn in the bathroom. Probably not the best place to do it but whatever keeps your marriage alive. All the cleaning/primping/polishing/sweeping done, Scotty whistles them to come out the front and like good little Blue Heelers, they all do.

Each team is pleased with their efforts and celebrate with a kiss and a hug. Even Mark & Duncan. Especially Mark & Duncan.

Bathroom week is DONE! Welcome judges Neale Whittaker, HRH Queen Shayanna the Unflappable & Darren “The Eye” Palmer. Starting in reverse, it’s Dan & Dani first. “Very sexy,” offers She of the Impending Book Release. This was the room that Dan & Dani nearly killed each other with over the tiles. Darren loves the tiling job – “It’s a beautiful bathroom.” Not enough storage for HRH Shaynna; no cedar blind on the window for Neale. The lights offer some contention as they’re beautiful but not practical.

All eyes on Josh & Jenna’s bathroom. “Oh my god,” offers Neale. J&J went simple with a touch of luxury and it looks to have paid off with a hint of marble instead of tiles near the bath. Queen Shaynna loves the small tiles and Darren loves the tiles in the shower. Everything seems to work EXCEPT for storage – again. Lighting is visually stunning but not practical. When they spot the drain it’s declared “sexy” by all.

Laughs all round as they enter Mark & Duncan’s hornery. M&D weren’t sure if they were gonna make it and even the Blockinator wasn’t sure they’d make it. The feedback they got from the bathroom challenge this week helped get them back on track. “They brought a sense of luxury and kept a sense of humour,” says Neale. He also talks urinal and the consensus is it’s not a great idea – as opposed to the big bath in the middle of the room. Limited lighting and storage not good enough for Her Majesty. Duncan loves his horns.

By the time we get to Phil & Amity’s bathroom everyone’s exhausted. Phil at least got to learn what a spirit level was while Amity is hanging her hopes on her mirror/TV and fireplace. “Whoa!” says HRH Shaynna as she enters. “Not anything I’ve seen or done,” says Darren. The concern is no storage again and the fireplace has taken up too much space for something that won’t get much. All three do love the mirror/TV, and the overhead lighting ticks all the boxes for Her Maj.

The judges have quite the task ahead of them to deliver a winner. “I want a nine and I want to win,” says Amity in a fiery repose as the ad titles role. The gloves are off, etc, etc.

The couples gather in the most drab place, and therefore coolest place in Melbourne. “The judges had a tough day trying to come up with a winner,” offers Scotty. Allegedly the best bathrooms ever delivered on The Block, except for every other bathroom ever.

Everyone’s nervous. Everyone wants to win. But first, feedback (which instantly puts Dan “out of his comfort zone” – he must experience so little comfort in his life)…

Dan & Dani: The granite tile was the most beautiful they’ve seen. Storage, storage, storage for EVERYone. Neale wanted a blind as well as the chance to get blind. Darren wanted a second light source as it wasn’t enough. They’re considered well and truly back in the competition.
Josh & Jenna: Darren got goosebumps – you really should have heated that think. The marble got big ups, as did the tiles and shower door. The harmony they managed is what impressed the judges the most. Well on their way to getting a perfect score until practicality kicked in – where’s the storage, and what about the impractical lights?
Mark & Duncan: More saloon than salon, but they love the quirky style. Blown away with the size and extra points for use. Fittings for the win. The bath in the centre of the room was the right move – a sense of luxury. The judges loved the rhino and the bull, but DID NOT LIKE the urinal (the boys stand by it).
Phil & Amity: A very good bathroom – the level of finish astounded the judges. Also the only team to get the lighting right over the mirrors, as was the mirror/tv. WHERE’S THE STORAGE?! Lots of discussion about the necessity of the fireplace – the space could have been better utilised.

Amity points out they all have a linen cupboard right outside their bathrooms so storage inside shouldn’t be an issue. “Remember – messenger,” says Scotty, pointing at himself. “All care, no responsibility, and where’s my beers?”.

It’s serious time now though – the scoring (Darren|Shaynna|Neale):
Phil & Amity: 7.5 | 7 | 7.5 = 22
Mark & Duncan: 8 | 8 | 8 = 24
Josh & Jenna: 8.5 | 7.5 | 9 = 25
Dan & Dani: 8.5 | 7.5 | 8 = 24

Lots of concern as the public scores were shown. P&A ready to drop their toys, while Dan(i) were positively bubbling. The final results are… surprising and pleasing and disappointing and making people horny (do I baby, yeah?!)

Congrats to Josh & Jenna on their close win – the $5,000 will surely help. Phil & Amity slide in (despite Amity’s protestations “it’s not a seven”) and get to strap on the Chump jackets. Of course it’s all happy for Dan(i) and Josh & Jenna while it’s unhappy down the other end.

There’s a metric fuckton to complete this week for the teams: the hallway, including the linen cupboard; the formal lounge; AND there is no third thing. There’s still so much house to build and so little time to be building it in. Busy, busy, busy!