The Block All StarsSun-Fri 7pm, Ch9
It’s all about the room reveal tonight – so it really doesn’t matter what’s come before (except, of course, Dan(i)’s grand plans to win The Block without winning a room). Because you know… it’s abou- oh, who are we kidding, they’ve got targets the size of Bondi on their backs and they’ve not realised it yet. They both know what they want to achieve by they’re not sure how to get there. The journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step, kiddos.

Perhaps a walk on Bondi Beach would help? No? Oh well – the bricks are arriving. Duncan & Josh compare war stories (Mark’s spent all night sanding & painting). “We’ve nothing to fear except fear itself,” says Mark. “That and broken pie warmers.”

Phil’s reassuring Amity that the tiles being ripped off the roof will only continue every second for the rest of the day. Dan(i) are still feeling a little brittle after their teary realisation last night that everyone hates them and that they should go and eat worms. Jenna thinks Dani should just make a decision and stick with it (like she does).

M&D have attached some of their built-ins – including their bunks – and all seems well for them, but the rest of the couples have to work out how to include their house-warming gifts into their room. J&J seem to have gotten to the sole of the problem.

There’s shopping to do: cue Josh’s bad singing, Dani’s sad singing, and Amity’s boy with his awesome singing and story-telling. Looks like someone needs to hold their own tutorial group on keeping things in perspective…

Deliveries akimbo, thanks to room reveal tomorrow, but Duncan’s still got time to take his own leap of faith.

Cue the Blockinator’s regular walk around the site and some problems for M&D and their back wall. Mark nods attentively and then essentially leaves it all as he’s gotta work on the room while Duncan shops for fittings for their kid’s room. He’s confident but their built-in’s aren’t in gonna happen now until tomorrow morning. Just as well M&D are experienced tradies and understand there’s no use jumping up and down about it… (though it wouldn’t be a bad idea to help along with the weight loss initiative).

Keef announces to Dan that the tank digging starts tomorrow and there’s all sorts of bricks and the foundation STILL in the wrong place. It gets right under Dan’s skin (boo hoo, you were told a week ago – here’s a cup of cement). This interaction causes Keef to put his grumpy pants on and zero in on M&D and some brickwork that isn’t up to scratch. To think – he’s getting too old for this shit and he’s only a few days away from retirement. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice (or six times, for that matter)?

Grumpy Keef is grumpy. Perhaps he’s about to have his period? Duncan’s back with all his toys but has notice the built-ins aren’t complete, so he pops in to see if they can pop over to knock over his install and then get back to P&A’s room. Meanwhile Grumpy Keef seems quite reasonable in delivering his information regarding the laundry door. Reasonable Mark is reasonable – and even has time for a quip with Duncan when he looks like he’d like to vanish into their house.

The installers move into M&D’s place, though Phil seems hell-bent on “helping” them stay. Amity returns with camouflage for their “dead birds in cages” house-warming gift. Phil is impressed (as well he should be if he wants to remain sleeping in the same bed as her).

Dan laments having to spend most of the night moving bricks, while M&D wallpaper their feature poster up and feel quite chuffed with it. Biggest smile on the Block (the poster, closely followed by the boys).

With only a few hours to go, Dan(i) have only a few basic things to do to complete their room and they’re done. J&J got “a decent night’s sleep, which is weird” but then their easy/minimal style means simple is as simple does.

P&A had a big night cleaning out their room and “ironing the pillow covers” is revealed as a new euphemism for nookie. They dress their room with an ostrich butt as a feature piece.

M&D’s room is a hive of activity because of the installers and the shutters and the pillows and the toys and the drills and FIVE MINUTES TO GO and the vaccuuming and the everything. Scotty whistles time and it’s all done and dusted for week two. At least it means those that didn’t sleep well last night (P&A – looking at you and your “ironing the pillow covers”) can get some rest.

“Tools down,” calls Scotty.

One extra day makes all the difference as everyone seems a little more relaxed and refreshed notes Scotty. “One little room and a little bit going on out the back – just like my marriage.”

He reminds them they gotta win to get more cash to pay for things so they can bring the extra special to their houses. Who’s got that winning feeling? “I have,” offers Phil, thinking Scott asked who has coffee.

The judges are let loose on the houses – Neale Whittaker, HRH Queen Shaynna of The Block & Darren Palmer the Internationalist. Phil & Amity’s place has had more money and time spent on the dressing – and all judges agree it’s got a good feel. The desk is a nice touch for Darren. As usual Neale likes the colour palate because they’ve used it really well. The judges haven’t been briefed on the house warming gifts as understandably wonder about the green-stuffed birdcages.

Mark & Duncan have delivered a room with “bucketloads of wow factor”. They acknowledge they’ve bitten off more than they can chew… now it’s up to the judges. HRH thinks it’s all incredible and considers asking them to make her a floating throne after seeing the bed. It’s big colours, big vibe and a big sense of fun for the kids. “Something like this is very, very hard to do,” she offers.

Josh & Jenna aimed to continue the hotel/luxury/minimalist feeling through the room & Josh especially have a good feeling in his waters. Darren obsesses with the handles and Neale obsesses with the wall that needs an artwork like Dan needs some intimate relief. The mirror is called out for being “too simple”. Also the shoe pot-plant thing – WTF?

Dan & Dani kept a beach feel in this room (they even turned the hands they were given into a feature lamp). Many jokes about a door(!) show they’ve spent too many hours on The Block already. Queen Shaynna is disappointed with the carpet as the floorboards are so beautiful but all of them are feeling generally underwhelmed with the room as a whole. “But all the rooms are fantastic,” HRH reminds us. “Just one is more fantastic that the others and that’s mainly for because I have an intense love for saying “synergy”.”

STOP PRESS: I only just noticed Neale has shaved. But for why?! Now who’s leaning on the same old tricks, eh Whittaker!

The teams are summoned to The Block Central for the great reveal of the scores. Two bedrooms down and there’s lots of bathroom plans afoot – but can they afford it (No, they can’t). Whoever wins today at least gets an injection of $5,000 to help them out.

The judges thought:
P&A – this week the judges have three words: DON’T. GO. THERE. Actually, it was “you nailed it”. Brilliant use of colour, and a great blend of heritage restoration with a beachside feel. BUT… Phil, you need to work on your glutes.
M&D – Big call doing a kids room. After much discussion and 3 lattes each they agreed with the Tradies. This week was more than just a good design, it was of a professional standard. Like a $150/hour with a shower after standard.
J&J – The judges liked all of your furniture choices in your room, and Darren had a special moment with the door handles. Divided on the mirror, but agree it needs to be there.
D&D – Impressed there was a door, the execution is a big leap from last week. They do question why the floor wasn’t sanded instead of carpeted.

The judging brings the scoring (Darren/Shaynna/Neale)…

P&A – 8 / 7.5 / 7.5 = 23
M&D – 8 / 8 / 8 = 24
J&J – 7.5 / 7 / 7 = 21.5
D&D – 7 / 6.5 / 6.5 = 20

Waiting for the scores to be revealed, Amity could feel that Phil was nervous as he was standing behind her. Right behind her.

A huge congratulations to Mark & Duncan on a massive win – deserved considering the trauma and distraction of the week. Everyone’s happy for M&D and while Dan(i) are happy for them they get the Chump jackets again. Dani thinks the Chump thing is a humiliation plot aimed at turning husbands against wives, others against them, people against her.

Josh is also upset at the judges because he knows Dan(i) will be smarting from the comments. Naturally it’s now time for Dan(i) and J&J to rail against the judges and the comments made. Some fair, some boo-hoo. But enough! It’s bathroom/hospital week and a clawfoot ends up in hospital while Dan looks at peace in the corner of the bathroom. Or something like that.