Survivor: Caramoan – Fans v Favourites – Thu 7:30pm, GO!
Last week, Malcolm was voted off the island leaving eight people who spend their time alternating between being smug and dull.

Reynold announces that he’s pretty confident he can win the next five immunity challenges and stay in it. Andrea agrees with him, giggles and tosses her hair.

Cochran thinks that the Favourites  (and Sherri, who is a favourite in no sense of the word) have all the power and he just wants to suck up all the power for himself. He’s ready to get all manly and assertive and take CONTROL of this game. YEAH.  Way to take charge, Cochran! Now Malcolm and Phillip are gone, you can TOTALLY TAKE CONTROL. If Andrea lets you.

Erik is dismayed to learn that there is an immunity challenge today. He was hoping for reward. His startlingly giant 70s mop hair is also dismayed to learn that roller disco isn’t groovy anymore.

Probst is blue-shirting it up like a boss. He’s impressed that Cochran is shirtless. It’s a windy day and everyone will be balancing on floating wooden triangle platform thingies. Probst says that it is also a reward challenge, and the reward is information. Everyone oohs and aahs and pretends that they aren’t gutted not to be playing for pizza.

Everyone stands on their platforms. It turns out that Probst is a mean man and plays his ace card – he’s going to try and lure them off the wibbly wobbly platforms with food. The first item is a plate of donuts and a glass of icy cold milk. Erik nearly swoons. Eddie is also ready to pack it in immediately and they both dive out of the challenge towards the tasty treat. And the donuts that he’s offering them. (Ho, ho, ho.)

I’d just like to point out that Eddie is outside the major alliance, is a big strong fireman who is a major contender in physical challenges, is going to Tribal Council tonight and just swapped a shot at immunity for a couple of donuts. Doofus.

The next item of allure is three hot dogs and a cola. Cochran is about to fall down anyway and figures he may as well get a hot dog or three out of it. He explains apologetically to the tribe that he’s going out and is met with the stony disapproval of the ladies in his alliance. But that doesn’t matter because HE’S TAKING CONTROL OF THE GAME! YEAH!!!!!

Reynold starts to wobble. Dawn has her hands on her hips watching him, smugness absolutely radiating off her. But it’s okay because when she’s being a cow, it’s just her being “spunky” and “playing the game” because she’s such a “nice lady”.

The wind picks up and Dawn topples into the water, with Sherri right after her. Reynold has a massive wobble and a near-miraculous save. Brenda and Andrea are also struggling in the wind. Reynold has yet another spectacular save – like he pretty much manages to fall off and stay on. Finally it’s too much and Reynold falls in. Only Andrea and Brenda are left. Andrea offers Brenda a share in the clue if she jumps off. Brenda says she doesn’t mind if she loses but she’s not jumping. Andrea agrees – which is good, I hate all that letting-people-win junk.

It’s been three hours and everyone wants it to end. The girls agree to make the challenge harder for themselves by lifting their left leg. Brenda falls fairly quickly and Andrea has won properly. She has immunity and information and a buttload of smug. And dull.

Andrea resentfully shares her winning note with Brenda. It is indeed a clue to the hidden immunity idol and she tells her whole alliance, because you know, dull. They all search together and Erik digs it up, which means technically its his. Cochran is smug because he knows he can tell Erik how to use it. Erik however, hands it straight to Andrea. Because you know. Dull. Cochran is annoyed.

Andrea now has double immunity and thinks maybe it’s blindside time. She asks Cochran and Sherri who they think should get blindsided first. She then tells them its Brenda. Cochran decides to put his plan of taking control into action by doing exactly what he’s told.

Andrea and Dawn are chatting about whether they should stab Reynold in the front or Brenda in the back. Dawn owes Brenda for her kindness with the whole false teeth incident so it would be pretty low for her to jump on board with this Brenda blindside.

It’s Tribal Council, which means Malcolm arrives with a flowing mane of freshly washed hair… and some random and some angry old guy. Eddie talks fondly about his donut manoeuvrer, Reynold offers himself up as a vote and Dawn talks some rot about trust.

We’ve got here really quickly, which means we still have a half a show left. Which I only just realised.

The votes start with Erik, Sherri, Eddie and Reynold. It looks like we’re not having a blindside, folks. The rest is Eddies and Reynolds and Reynold is out. Poor cool guy.

Back at camp, we endure yet more of Andrea’s whiny strategising. “Wow. It’s like, so weird. Right? I mean, surreal. You know? Wow. Like, wow. You know? It’s like a million dollars. Let’s get B.” Giggle. Toss hair. You know what’s really annoying? She’s not actually stupid. Is it affectation or is she incapable of expressing herself without speaking like a fifteen-year-old girl at the mall? Anyway, she wants to gut Dawn or Brenda next. She tells Cochran, who immediately tells Dawn and Brenda. They decide to blindside Andrea. Funsies.

The immunity challenge comes next. First a rope obstacle through the water, untie some locks, get some keys, build a ladder and lord your victory above the losers.

I’m a little too close to my heater, guys. Uncomfortable.

Anyway, they all do the various things and the result is Erik with the immunity necklace around his neck. Probst hilariously asks him if he’ll be giving it away tonight.

Eddie is pretty sure his goose is cooked but luckily, he’s a kept man. Andrea’s fairly confident that she has everyone on side to get rid of Brenda. To her credit, she isn’t completely without empathy, admitting that she “feels sorry for the kid.” Smugtastic.

Cochran doesn’t like Andrea liking Eddie and he tells everyone so. Dawn, Brenda and Sherri are all happy to vote Andrea off. Cochran then tells Erik, who nods calmly, which means nothing, because he’s inscrutable. Sure enough, Andrea makes an empty offer to take him to the end and Erik happily weighs up his options as the swing vote.

Second Tribal of the night. Everyone has a fairly dull chat about trust and paranoia.

Votey vote time. Andrea does not choose to play her idol.

The first vote is for Brenda. The second is for Andrea and shock darts across her face. The third and fourth are for Eddie. The fifth is for Andrea, who exclaims “What?!” at her tribemates. The sixth is for Brenda. Brenda, Eddie and Andrea all have two votes and Erik’s is the last.

Andrea is GONESIES. She laughs and congratulates her teammates in a, “I’ll-kill-you-while-you-sleep” kind of way while Reynold and Malcolm celebrate wildly and silently.

Next week: The sharks start to circle Cochran, Erik badly needs food and the loved ones visit the island – which means I’ll be bawling like a child.