My Kitchen Rules – Mon-Wed 7:30pm, Ch7
Previously on My Kitchen Rules the contestants were let loose on as many C-Grade celebrities as Channel 7 could put their hands on. Conveniently it wasn’t many and not too many of them were memorable (KRudd, anyone?) but that still didn’t stop Lispy having her own Mischa Barton moment, sans Mischa Barton. Sadly Jake & Elle fell afoul of the mango/prawn ratio that so gets Manu’s goat. Tonight it’s a cook off to fight to not cook off any further especially tomorrow night. BUT WHAT’S THIS? MORE MISDIRECTED HINTS AND TRAGEDY?! That’s “controversal”… God bless you, Steph. THIS IS THE BEST!…
Here we are in Kitchen HQ again and all we can hear reverberating through the halls is Andi’s moaning. Lispy declares this week to be the most important week to be safe, simply because she and Ashlee are.
Pete & Manu welcome the teams and announce that “Australia” has made the decisions as to what the contestants will cook with. Bloody Australia, always sticking its nose in where it’s not wanted. Immediately the contestants fall into the trap of personifying Australia. Especially Sam, who’s just too happy for anyone to really like him.
The fridges are opened to reveal prawn, salmon, pumpkin, eggplant and so forth. The teams have to “choose” which ingredient they are going to use in this round, and by choose the producers mean “take whichever ingredient you want in the hope a fight will break out”.
A fight nearly breaks out between Sam & Dan as they battle for a moment over the salmon. Kerrie & Craig are left with the eggplant.
Of course there’s a twist, and again it’s Australia’s fault. The teams have to make a pasta dish using the chosen ingredient in 30 minutes. The mamas think they’ve got it in the bag and remind us they’re “Eyetalian”. Josh & Andi are worried they won’t be cool enough.
It’s chaos in the cupboard but there’s still time for Ashlee & Lispy to declare that they want to see Angela & Melina cook off against Jake & Elle because “then it would be a cooking competition and not a drama competition”. So now they think A&M can cook. Their hate is causing their statements to spiral in on themselves Inception-style.
Craig tells us what he and Kerrie are cooking but nobody can understand him. Even the super just says “Mhhmmh Mmmfmhhf”. They’re screwed already, and Craig starts with too much flour anyway.
Andi’s already started with the oven and because they’re hipsters they’re gonna make an open or deconstructed lasagne. “People could even make this at home,” says Andi. Josh is already ballsing up the pasta.
Pete asks Manu what is it about pasta that “Australia” loves. Manu thinks it has something to do with a pasta sauce sponsorship for the show.
Dan & Steph are not overdoing it, and so spend the first 25 minutes of the 30 minute competition lying down.
The Italian Mamas are making prawn ravioli which they’re really excited about. So excited that Melina let out a little squeak that suggests she might be that excited.
Luke & Scott continue to push their spelt agenda. At least it’s well-educated pasta.
Josh *still* doesn’t have the pasta right (not enough egg, says Manu). He’s kneading it and kneading it and it’s still dry and even though Andi tells him to make it again he’s not sure what to do. Fancy that – Manu arrives. He recommends as a plan B that Josh grabs a packet of pasta in case they need it. Andi tells him he can do it. Josh doesn’t believe her.
Sam & Dan have a playful discussion about papardelle that seems so forced you’d think the show was sponsored by papardelle. Sam gloats he got the salmon.
Cupcake & Joanna are trying to use all of their prawn to help the seafood flavour work all the way through their dish, but intend to present it as a cupcake tower.
Pete & Manu recap everything that’s going on and Manu tells Pete that Josh is considering using the packet pasta. But he’s done a switcheroo on the judges and scored a ball of pasta from Kerrie & Craig.
Jake & Elle take their moment to criticise everyone else who’s managed to cook better than them this week. So much irony that Alanis Morrisette is choking on it.
Pete yells at the team to say this should be the teams at their best. This prompts Joanna to turn their pasta into squid ink pasta AFTER it’s rested. So it’s decided we should labour the choice and the mess it is becoming. “I think that’s really gonna be a wow dish, just because they made their pasta black,” says Jake.
Andi’s really angry at Josh because she’s just angry at him. The instant pasta has been thrown out and now Josh & Andi are stuck with Kerrie & Craig’s pasta. So much danger.
Sam & Chris are worried; Angela & Melina are saying a lot while realising they’ve only got ONE MINUTE to go. Cupcake & Jenna are worried they’ve got a very short time to plate up their dish, which entirely exists of pouring their ingredients on the pasta they cooked. What plating!?
The clock times out, everyone embraces, and the judges share a special kiss before walking down the line to taste all the dishes.
“There’s a lot going on there,” says Pete, smiling at Luke. We all know what he really means.
The Mamas are questioned about their sauce, but nothing telling. Josh admits that he used Kerrie & Craig’s pasta for this challenge because he couldn’t get it right.
The pasta donors make their second mistake by letting Craig talk to the judges at all. “Quite spicy,” is the call from Manu.
The judges taste Sam & Chris’s papardelle and describe it as an interesting combination. Joanna’s last minute stupid decision is called into question with the squid ink. It starts her outer monologue to ask if she’s made a stupid decision. We’ll always know.
Dan & Steph’s dish is eaten without a word.
Pete forward announces that he and Manu are about to tell them what they thought of the dishes. Then he tells them that he’ll tell them all individually. Then he starts to tell them.
Cupcake & Joanna are told the squid ink was a smart move. SAFE.
Angela & Melina prepared good pasta, but the sauce wasn’t very nice. NOT SAFE.
Luke & Scott do OK – the salmon was well cooked and the pasta combo was good. SAFE.
Sam & Chris’s salmon was lost in their meal, but the pasta was good. NOT SAFE.
Dan & Steph are called out for their less is more approach because it missed seasoning. NOT SAFE.
Josh & Andi know they aren’t getting through, but first we have an ad break.
The tension builds around who will be safe over the borrowed pasta. The dough was perfect (Craig said something about it but it was too hard to decipher – it’s like he was speaking Turkish), so it comes down to the sauces. Consequently Josh & Andi are SAFE and Kerrie & Craig are NOT SAFE. Josh puts on a big turn.
Steph declares it to be “controversal”.
Pete reminds Josh that if he didn’t want to beat Kerrie & Craig he shouldn’t have used their pasta.
SHUT UP CRAIG, NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND YOU ANYWAY.
Joanna makes out like Josh just took the ticket that sends Kerrie & Craig to the gas chamber. OVER DRAMATISATION!
The four teams that are not safe has an hour to prepare a dish with their favourite ingredient. Melina has to convince Angela that they like mushrooms. Dan loves his meat.
Angela & Melina are cooking veal scallopini, allowing Melina to start on the meal with a mallet. Angela is bringing together the other ingredients. Melina is still smashing the meat.
Kerrie & Craig are cooking blue eye with lots of parsley, which allows Craig to mumble a lot.
Dan & Steph are making “steak, egg & chips with a twist”. The twist is it’s all in a sausage. “It’s a simple dish but it’s not simple,” says Dan, “Like the government’s fiscal policy.”
Sam & Chris are making chocolate cake (“Tammy Baker, Tammy Baker”). A cake. Are they on the right show? Why is Shane Jacobsen suddenly popping up in the background?
35 minutes to go and all the four teams look to be well on form. Lispy continues to bitch needlessly about the Mamas and their use of mushrooms. Even Andi doesn’t want to listen to her. Melina has already cooked the veal and it has Manu worried.
Dan promises to put so much love into every single part of the dish and so nicks out the back to whack off so he can include “the love”.
Sam & Chris’s gateaux has become a biscuit and ganache. High quality “cake”, gentlemen. Though they are aware that with only 20 minutes to go they might not be ready. Kerrie’s worried Craig might not be finished in time (and not for the first time in their relationship).
Dan’s chips are in the fryer; Angela & Melina’s flavours are amazing – they’re happy with the dish, while Ashlee & Lispy are laughing at the dish the Mamas have prepared so far. It’s just become one-eyed and evil.
MORE PARSLEY, CRAIG! HURRY UP! DON’T QUESTION, JUST DO!
Four minutes to go and Sam & Craig HAVE to take their ganache “cakes” out of the freezer. Dan’s shallow fried the steak(!) and they’ve plated everything (as have all the other teams with only one minute to go). Clean up the plate, clean up the plate, clean up the plate, clean up the plate… the ghost of MPW lives long in the MKR kitchen for some reason.
Craig says something that’s intelligible & now obvious – he loves parsley way too much.
Angela & Melina present their meal first. “What’s the secret of cooking a good scallopini,” asks Manu. “Not screwing it up?” says Melina.
Kerrie & Craig deliver their blue eye with parsley and Craig’s pretty happy (because that’s what the judges wanted to know).
Dan & Steph’s steak, egg & chips is all worry for the pair. As is Sam & Chris’s ganache cake. Nothing seemed to go right for the boys.
Pete starts pontificating about the contestants and their favourite ingredient. What is important is what the judges think…
Pete liked Dan & Steph’s steak, egg & chips. As did Manu (apparently he likes it a lot). Both judges liked Kerrie & Craig’s “old fashioned” food. Angela & Melina’s mushroom sauce gets a warm reception, but the scallopini is called out for being cooked all wrong. Sam & Chris’s failed cake may have failed but failure isn’t going to overcome them.
The judges declare that Angela & Melina are the worst team of the night, and you cannot contain the joy that Ashlee & Sophia are expressing. There’s all sorts of “game on” promises from Angela & Melina, but will a cook off sort the wheat from the very sweary chaff? Delicious!
Hilarious column!!! Ashley and whatever deserve a few good slaps – but we don’t want everyone nice do we!!! – Actually do learn something from the show – and have a laugh and throw things at the TV – Need to get a life!!!
Unfortunately the jolly Italian Mamas@ Angelina and Melina says adios tonight….the evil witches in tatts and braces rub their hand & laughs in delight…looking by the ads..the evelini”s next arch nemesis will be Cupcakes Divas@ Crybaby & I Can Stare you to Death…..pls SA send the evelinis packing home to NSW……