My Kitchen Rules – Mon-Thu 7:30pm, Ch7
http://au.tv.yahoo.com/my-kitchen-rules/

After the disaster that was the Instant Restaurant of J-Bis, tonight it’s the turn on of the only gay in the Village and his sister to turn it on. They’re promising a fine-dining feast full of refined food and putting out fires, and it would seem our duo of Indian extraction have not taken well to being mocked. This is gonna be the best night of my life…

The delightful & idyllic Sunshine Coast, only spoiled by the constant bleating of Jake. For some reason Elle seems to love him from the inside out. “When it comes to food, I pretty much know it all,” says Jake without a hint of irony. They love all of mum & dad’s trappings, including the boat, the home on the canal, and the two annoying and over-privileged kids.

Heading off to shop for their big night, Jake & Elle are aware the other contestants know Jake has a background in food because he keeps telling them. They arrive at the glamorous Kawana Shoppingtown to shop just as J-Bis announce they’ll “gun them down” for every little thing they do wrong. Just like nobody did to them.

They’re making rabbit ravioli for entree, which they describe as refined food. Pete will be impressed if they can pull it off. Jake will be impressed if Pete pulls it off.

The Butcher shows them the T-Bones and they argue over if it’ll be good enough. Jake sets Elle straight in no uncertain terms but Manu thinks that a T-Bone is “a pub steak, not fine dining”.

The siblings race into setting up their Instant Restaurant “Costa Del Sol”, which means “The Sun Shines Out Of Jake’s Arse”. Or, as Elle puts it “Coast by the Sea, or Sunshine Coast Queensland”. She should write copy for Qld Tourism with interpretations of Spanish like that.

Their menu, on the other hand, has also been delivered out of Jake’s arse:

Entree – Rabbit, Pancetta & Thyme Ravioli with truffle cream sauce and walnuts
Main – T-Bone Steak with mushroom ragu, silverbeet, radicchio and potato & parsnip gratin
Dessert – Orange and Basil Syrup Cake with basil ice cream & toffee shard

Jake talks everything up. “It’s clean, pristine and – WAIT, what, are we at Sizzler?!” He scolds his sister for placing the napkins wrong. Elle’s happy with how it looks and Jake’s pleased he got his own way.

The clock ticks over to announce three hours until the guests arrive. Elle starts on the basil ice cream, but it’s more infused than obvious. “We’ll mess with their minds,” offers Jake. “I get it and I’m surprised,” says Manu, “But then what would these kids know.”

Jake says the word “jus” as in “tszjoo” far too often.

After Jake had lectured Elle to not scramble the eggs for the ice cream, she scrambles them anyway. Jake kicks into high gear and breaks down the rabbit while Elle pre-heats the pan he’s going to sear it in later on. Super hot pan plus oil = entertainment plus!

Jake lifts the pot off the heat as it’s glowing hot, lets it cool down and tests it with a bit of water, then pours some grapeseed oil into it. THE TOWERING INFERNO ENSUES as the pot erupts into flames. What a time for an ad break.

The pot is put out and they notice the egg mixture has started to scramble again – all hands on deck with that crisis before moving back to the rabbit for the ravioli entree. “I’m so good!” exlaims Jake. At least he’s not short on confidence. The pasta made it goes into the fridge to rest while the rabbit gets minced, but their thermomix isn’t pushing the mince through. 10 minutes later he realises he hasn’t put the blade on the mincer. Sorted.

As the guests arrive they share their expectations for tonight. Josh offers they talked a big game, so it’s big expectations. Biswa mumbles something about their time for revenge. It’s all smiles as the door opens and the guests are welcomed into “Costa Del Sol”. Stefano felt a little bit a home because it was “a leetle beit Mediterranean”.

Right from the introduction of the restaurant name J-Bis are on the attack: “Where’s the sun?!” Mick’s not looking forward to sitting next to the Indian friends all night and adjusts the shiv he’s got tucked into his boot while eyeing them off.

As the pasta goes through the rollers Jake realises he didn’t sift the flour so he has to start again. Another delay. Pete & Manu arrive outside and Manu dares whisper his hopes: “I love the way Jake talks about food – he talks about it like Pete and I do, but Pete and I can cook. I hope Jake can too.” Someone tell him he’s dreamin’.

BING BONG – the judges are here. They’re welcomed in but Pete & Manu miss nothing and can tell the siblings are under pressure. The menu is introduced to everyone and expectations only lift higher, though the mention of T-Bone has everyone questioning the cut choice. Jake offers to prepare the steaks for everyone – he has his rare to medium rare – but the judges tell Jake to do what ever he wants.

Pasta rolled, the ravioli is getting stuffed and almost ready for the pot. Jessie complains the ravioli sounds too heavy and Josh mumbles that they should just SHUT THE HELL UP. “Any point of weakness they’ll just jump on it,” he says, casting them a stern glance.

Jake is on sauce duty and orgasms after tasting it. He forces his sister to taste it and admit he can make sauce, and then runs the pass for plating. Elle is allowed to add the pecorino but only under his supervision. They serve it and Jessie complains about the visible lack of truffles. But it’s what Pete & Manu think that really counts.

Pete really liked it – the pasta was perfect, but where was the truffle? Jake tries to explain it away but Pete says it was non-existent. Jessie & Biswa smile smugly. Manu felt he was searching for the rabbit but overall it was a great dish. J&E retreat to the kitchen to make the main as the guests dive into their mains.

J-Bis have nothing nice to say about their meal. Andi thinks her pasta is undercooked. Stefano thinks it’s bang on, & so do the judges. Palates being called into question all over the place.

Gratin in the oven, steaks seasoned, the main seems to be running to plan. Biswa has never had a T-Bone before. There’s concerns from everyone it’s just pub food. Jake doesn’t need rules when he cooks steak, it’s all about touch. Elle puts the hard word on him NOT TO OVER COOK THE STEAKS.

They start plating and Elle panics that it’s “pretty pub food”. Jake leaps to his meal’s defence – “it’s the best meat and three veg I’ve ever seen.”

Meals delivered and there’s concerns the steaks are too big. “I feel like I’m Fred Flintstone with a brontosarus steak on my plate,” laughs Craig. Nobody else gets the reference.

On tasting, Pete asks “where’s the love?”. He searched high and low for the inclusion of activated almonds and NOTHING. Even he calls it pub food. Jessie & Biswa begin to celebrate at the demise of Jake & Elle – premature, perhaps? Manu was disappointed with the meat – wrong cut, cooked over medium-rate, not refined enough given the choice. “Sometimes you have to put your ego aside, because it’s not you judging yourself, it’s us judging you,” offers the French chef.

Blah blah blah Jessie & Biswa complain more.

Dessert production kicks in and Jake and Elle are happy all they have to do is the orange syrup and the toffee. Elle’s panicking and ruining her toffee – twice. “Calm your farm,” Jake lectures his sister. They both are finding how hard it is, even though it’s “only two ingredients”.

Concerns over dessert are shared at the table but on the whole everyone is looking forward to it. Except the Spite Girls, natch. Plate, serve, wait. Will this be Jake & Elle’s triumph?

The judges… well, Pete’s frustrated. He came here tonight hoping they’d prepare him three beautiful dishes. They managed two: entree and dessert. Manu loved it: “There’s not one bite I didn’t enjoy on that cake.” Jake & Elle recover in the kitchen as everyone else tucks into their dessert. Matt loves the dessert, Craig says something but everyone ignores him, Jessie something something horrible something.

Something Jake is used to by now – judgement time:
Lisa & Stefano – 5.
Kerrie & Craig – 5. (“The dessert was a winner.”)
Josh & Andi – 5.
Mick & Matt – 5. (“The main was a $10 pub meal.”)
Jessie & Biswa – 1. (“I/we hated everything.”)

Guest total = 21/50. MEOW! The other teams were reasonable but Jessie & Biswa were downright outrageous with their scoring. Mick, get your shiv out and drain one of them. We’ve seen the judges be kind before – will they give the siblings more than the 21 needed to beat the Spite Girls? (Jake & Elle appalled at their guest score to start with.)

P Entree – 8; M Entree – 8. (P: “You showed a lot of guts to put a dish like that on your menu and it worked.”)
P Main – 5; M Main – 5.
P Dessert – 9; M Dessert – 9. (M: “Yum.”)

Grand Total = 65/110. With the entree score alone the judges all but did away with J-Bis’s hopes, but nailed it with even the poor scores they offered for the main. Despite their poor sportsmanship and people’s complete disdain for their attitudes, Jessie & Biswa continue to be a pain to everyone. Congrats to the siblings for the success that means the fate of Jessie & Biswa now in Lisa & Stefano’s hands, making tomorrow night’s episode all that more important. Delicious!