MasterChef Australia All StarsSun 6:30pm, Mon-Thu 7pm, Ch10
Last night on Masterchef All Stars, Poh and Marion left under a cloud of suspicion as several piping bags and a croqembouche cone went missing from the Masterchef kitchen and ended up being sold on the streets of Bali. Tonight, George reveals his softer side in the form of a bigamous dessert.

The moon hangs high in the air like a helium filled balloon set adrift from a small child’s sticky hand. Chris packs his bags, again, not once considering the convenience of leaving it packed. Dani, Justine and Julie shout random numbers at each other much to Kate’s bewilderment.

On arrival they get out of the cars like they’ve been doing it for years. “We have something very special in store” says Gary, practicing his future as a footpath spruker in front of a two dollar shop “There are thirteen recipes in the dish George has designed for you to make” says Gary. One person will be eliminated today. Justine laments not yet having made any money for her charity.

“All of that pain is wrapped around one beautiful ingredient” yells George, finding yet another way to bring childbirth into the conversation. A curtain is drawn to reveal…..a rug! And also lots of chocolate, the ingredient they have to cook with. “Under that cloche is my pleasure and it’s gonna be your pain” says George, suggesting it may be his dismembered penis. But in fact it’s some kind of dessert called Zuess, with eight mistresses and a gold bar to represent his wife. Because, you know, wives are hard and expensive.

George describes the multitude of individual recipes. “The major pressure point of this dish is tempering the chocolate” says Dani, as George invites them to taste. Three hours to recreate George’s homage to his heritage. George lists the pressure points, warning them of curdling the mousse. “Holy shit” says Julie, as her swiss cheese only diet pays dividends.

Gary and George talk, George discussing the dessert, Gary mentioning his love of Mickey Rourke movies. Suddenly Dani tries to smother her mousse in glad wrap but it’s an exercise in futility, as it’s already dead. “When you have 13 different things to do on a plate” says Justine “you need a bigger plate”. Julie describes what she is doing using interpretive dance, while for Callum, “the chocolate crack is deceptively deceptive”, as he loosens his pants in order to start the moulding process.

“The hardest thing for this dessert is the chocolate crack” says Justine, continuing the theme started by Callum. She fails and is forced to discard her crack. As is Julie, who has created a chocolate tea towel instead. Julie soon discovers her error when George informs her of the many wonderful differences between Celsius and Fahrenheit. And it’s not just in the spelling.

“He’s done his mousse, he’s done his ice cream, he’s done his crack” says George as Callum slowly comes out of his drug induced haze. Dani struggles with the tuile, while Justine is getting really frustrated with hers. It only takes her six days to create it, and eventually the tuile people will worship her as some kind of god.

Chris moves on to the salt and vinegar chocolate sticks, while Julie starts on the white chocolate aero. In the process she manages to spray a milky white substance all over George, known in the industry as “the money shot”. After a quick cuddle and clean up we’re back with Chris as he tries to temper the chocolate.

“Ahhh Zuess! He was a lucky god wasn’t he?” asks Gary, referring to the 17 times that Zuess won Lotto’s 1st division. George is worried about Justine not understanding the recipe, suddenly regretting he wrote the entire thing in Greek. Up the back, Dani has a brown sticky substance covering her hands and is deep in the shit. She cooks and complains while Kate successfully ignores her.

“Oh my god someone’s on fire” yells George as Callum sets his recipe alight, a clear statement of intent. “We’ve got to watch this one closely or the mousse will split” says Kate, guaranteeing that someone won’t watch it closely and their mousse will split. And we don’t have to wait long as Justine suggests she should be able to walk away and leave her mousse whipping, only for the inevitable splitting to occur.

“I just don’t want to go home on a dessert” says Chris, preferring instead standard modes of transport. “I used to be a Greek god now I’ve got a body like a Greek” says George, lying and being racist all at once.

The desserts get plated as the clock winds down. Gary and George do something odd with the numbers. “I am so proud of this thing” says Chris, so confused he can’t even name it. Kate is sure she missed two elements, while Dani thinks it may be three or four. Meanwhile Justine suggests she ran a marathon instead of cooking.

Chris brings his up first. Gary uses his super human strength to bend the gold bar, indicating that Chris hasn’t tempered the chocolate. George says for a first effort “wow”. Kate follows, and she admits to missing the salted caramel and pear. However Gary suggests that if the wife is tempered they can forgive the missing mistresses. What the fuck are these idiots even talking about?

Dani’s turn comes next, and she admits the pear, the salted caramel and some other thing, are missing. Possibly the liquid centre of something. But again, she has tempered the chocolate properly. But the mousses is dry lacking the liquid centre. Julie comes after Dani, and provides her own narrative on the assembled sugary scene.

Next it’s Callum’s chance to shine. Callum suggests his wife might be badly tempered, but Gary snaps the wife’s back and smiles, like this scene of violence is for him an everyday event. George fires some short sharp words at Callum indicating he’s done well. Justine is last, and it’s apparent the mousse has been over whipped, like a British Tory.

Chris and Callum are judged to have had the best dishes. But for Dani, it’s the end of a remarkable journey, that started at the front door of the Masterchef kitchen, and ended at the front door of the Masterchef kitchen. Dani is applauded for raising $10000 for the Starlight Foundation, which is bound to buy a couple of mediocre wishes for some sick kids. Dani leaves under the cover of darkness, never to be seen again until at least the next time she’s seen.

Tomorrow, some very special guests, as the cast of Family Ties are reunited in the Masterchef kitchen, before being slaughtered and used as a key ingredient.