Big Brother AustraliaSun 6:30pm, Mon-Fri 7pm, Ch9
If it’s Big Brother, then it’s drama, drama, drama with more than a hint of PDA on the side. Too much kissy-kissy.

Another day, another sleep in. Deliliah welcomes the day in typical BB fashion by going outside and having a squat. So far the most intelligent thing yet. Srambo & Oats Lady are having a sulk at living in the pirate-ravaged Captain’s Quarters, but there’s always time for a “cud-cud” (I think I just threw up in my mouth).

Princess Ava is still whining about getting busted for not wearing her mic and having to work in the naughty corner. Not that you can tell as her mouth is mostly connected to Josh semi-permanently.

There’s rumour/gossip afoot between Zoe and Angie (green-eyed monster?) over how quick Layla dropped George and moved onto the new man-meat. Naturally Angie is right across it and has already tried to express her opinion to Layla however in typical Angie fashion it didn’t work – through no fault of Angie’s, of course(!).

Zoe admits she would have had a crack at George herself (well, duh) – so it would seem that the true intent of the HMs is to hook up as much as possible. If only there was more alcohol.

BB gives them all the 10 minute warning for work starting at the Factory – though it’s only one HM who has to work and the rest get to play, but if the HM working (in this case, Srambo) finds out they fail. Today’s challenge for Sam: potato peeling. Today’s fun for everyone else: bouncy things and choc fondue fountain. OMG AMAZEBALLS and such.

Srambo is still a-peeling.

Elsewhere fun is still being had, especially between Josh & Ava right in front of everyone else. They’re all called back so the yard can be packed up and then shift is called over for everyone, one by one. The facade continues to ensure Srambo is kept in the dark – first Benjamin tells him he took a bite of a green potato and now feels sick, and then Josh tells him he was over it today.

Michael and Benjamin continue to pretend they are puppet masters discussing the state of play with the coupled HMs. Brad tells Benjamin how much he zones out when Ava speaks, and Benjamin only half hears him as he’s zoned out. Stacey appears and Brad tells them both he isn’t connecting with Ava at all.

Ava’s crypticness has some HMs hooked and others completely over it. Bottom line she just sounds incredibly self-absorbed.

Josh tells Michael he doesn’t care for the conversation that took place at dinner last night. There was a moment when you could have feared an actual discussion may have broken out until Ava appeared and latched onto his mouth like a limpet.

In the Diary Room, Michael asks BB for a machine gun so he can go out and waste all the other HMs. When BB isn’t forthcoming, he complains to BB about being the very obvious third wheel in the Josh-Ava couple. Suck it up, bluey.

Srambo is still none the wiser over the Factory challenge, but he seems pretty easy to deceive. For example he walks past Angie, Stacey & Delilah 17 times and not once realises they are perving on him and talking about him.

BB has a challenge for Benjamin – for the chance to see a recorded message from his partner Ben, he has to sneak a mobile into the house where BB will text him tasks and he must carry them out undetected. First task: Put on Ava’s best dress and jump in the pool. Michael walks in and out of the bedroom as Benjamin runs about looking for ‘something’. He finds the dress, struggles to do it up, then realises it’s a different dress so he changes, then races outside to ask Ava if it’s her best dress – “You look better in it than me” she says – and he runs off and jumps in the pool (much to the delight of Michael).

Some of the girls have settled in for a chat session on the big couches outside. Delilah asks Layla how Srambo compares to George (woof!). Layla is suitably coy. Seriously, they didn’t even miss a beat with the talking dog.

Josh & Ava manage some rare alone time and pash on.

Layla, Zoe, Angie, Stacey and Delilah are now bitching about how it’s not “fun Josh” anymore, courtesy the clip-on-Koala Ava he seems to have picked up. “Boo-hoo, Josh isn’t paying us any attention,” they all say. Except Delilah – she’s above it all.

BB & Josh have a chat about the current state of the Dow Index in the Diary Room. Josh is amazed to learn it’s been quite volatile since he’s been in the house. BB tells him that if he saves the cheerleader, he’ll save the world. Oh, and something about Ava.

Benjamin is still working hard on his challenge – latest task is to challenge Bradley to an arm wrestle and lose (simple). Zap to the Diary Room and he’s told by BB he has succeed and has the chance to view the message (he’s almost beside himself). The message is quite lovely and supportive and Benjamin is over the moon for seeing it. There’s also some porn on the end accidentally left on by Mike Goldman but that’s edited out for the 7pm broadcast.

Benjamin is given the chance to show his special message to the other HMs. They all gather around him in the Lounge Room and everyone is so excited for Ben (and for the possibility they may get the same kind of challenge). They’re all so selfless.

“After two weeks in the house, Ava remains a mystery to most HMs after spending most of her time with Josh.” See, that’s all we needed to know, and it’s taken 3/4 of the ep and Goldman to say it. It’s most obvious in that all the other HMs gather in various groups and chat and Josh and Ava separate themselves and quickly become the monster with two backs.

Every other HM is feeling left out and missing Josh. It’s like he’s some kind of cult leader.

Srambo is still copping heat over Layla’s missing rollers. Poor bastard. We all know Michael did it, but no one in the house knows. It’s the standard circular conversation that goes nowhere and solves nothing. Partially because he’s sick of hearing the noise, Michael goes to the Diary Room to ask for some replacement rollers for Layla.

Michael offers he’s ready to accept any mission given by BB to get the rollers back for Layla.

BB addresses all the HMs and calls them out for their naughty language. Michael was the previous cuplrit king, but he’s been usurped by Srambo – off to the naughty corner for him where he was to take a potato peeler from earlier and start peeling layers of skin off until BB is satisfied. Or cut up onions or something. Whatever.

There’s lots of onions to be cut up and lots done – just as BB pipes up to remind Sam he has to FINELY chop the onions. “BB suggests you start again.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Layla & Estelle are bonding over boys in the Kitchen. Probably because Estelle is too vague to realise that everyone else hates her.

Bradley offers a convoluted suggestion to Angie’s sleep mate dilemma that involves him kissing her. Naturally. Angie rejects it. Naturally.

Srambo is excused from the land where tears flow freely and onions are chopped finally. Cut to Delilah and the worst voice over ever announcing the Daily Show finishing and Confidential kicking off.

It’s so bad, it has made me lose the will to live. Or at least continue recapping tonight…