Beauty and the Geek AustraliaThu 8:30pm, Ch7
It’s Thursday evening and we’ve left Brynne questioning the trust in her marriage but we don’t have time to care because MAKEOVERS, MAKEOVERS! Tonight the remaining four geeks will be waxed, buffed and styled into shiny, groovy youths with designer sneakers and high-maintenance hair. The beauties will also dress up like 60s flight attendants – it’s totally contextual because like, they’re doing geography – and the geeks will be stripping off once again and placed in medieval-type wedgie machines because… well, the producers are sadists.


Dane is getting a little lesson in makeover maintenance from Alin and Millie. It involves make-up. He’s horrified.

Rich, Jason and Chard are man-bonding with chess and girl talk. Jason wants to know if Rich and Greta are boyfriend and girlfriend yet. He’s just being polite. No one cares. Rich ummms and ahhhhs for a while, and says he likes her but everything is moving far too quickly and he doesn’t know how to handle it. We go to a private interview where he explains hooking up so quickly has created a huge amount of pressure on them. Yeah, I hate it when I stick my tongue down someone’s throat on national TV and then want to get out of it looking like the good guy.

The contestants gather and Bernard Curry appears in an entirely inoffensive outfit. Hilariously, Cody is wearing a baseball cap backwards on his head to emphasise his cool-guy makeover. Curry informs them that the beauties this week will be tested on Geography. Chontelle isn’t sure what that is, something to do with History? Kim says she hates Geology. The geeks are going to need to showcase their interpersonal skills. Pretty sure that’s code for dates, which is a neat segue into some more geek-based pick-up lines. “You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.”

Jason is going to help Kristy brush up on her geography using hats from his own personal collection. He’s adorable. Kristy thinks that Japan is the capital of China. Oh my goodness.

Yiran has taken a more traditional approach with Greta, coaching her with the use of a world map. Or as Greta calls it, ‘a piece of paper with blobs all over it’. It’s okay though, because she knows that Turkey is where turkeys come from. This is excruciating.
Anyone miss yesterday, when we were all making fun of Americans who think Julia Gillard is a Christian man-president?
Back to Kristy, who is explaining that Germans wear green goblin costumes with four leaf clovers on them. Or maybe Italians? You know what the prize should be? Repeating secondary school.

It’s mercifully challenge time, cleverly named ‘Around The World Wedgie’. The girls are in flight attendant mini-dresses; the geeks in jocks and jocks alone. The geeks are hooked up to machines that will hoist them up by their undies every time their beauty gets a question wrong. No one is having ANY grandchildren.

Millie’s up first and she’s asked what colour the Red Sea is. She wants to know if that’s a country? She’s given an ad break to think it over and realises that maybe it’s like, a real sea? She answers blue and Chard’s stuff is safe for now.

Alin is asked where Dutch people come from. She thinks Scotland. My opa would not approve of this. Dane is yanked upwards and limps out of the challenge.

Kristy is asked how many states are in America? She confidently answers 52 and the look on Jason’s face is priceless. He yells with pain and hobbles out.

Kim knows that the Euro is the currency of the European Union. Greta knows that the Japanese flag is red and white. Rich and Yiran breathe sighs of relief.

Chontelle guesses that chocolate is the main ingredient in black pudding. If only, love. Cody goes up, winces, and is out. Millie guesses that Dutch is the primary language of Brazil. Chard is sad. And Sore.

Kim knows that Beijing is the capital of China, so Greta’s in trouble. Where do samosas come from, Greta? She thinks France. She’s wrong, and now I want Indian food. Ohhh samosa… Kim and Rich win immunity! Rich also wins being able to have children!
Okay so it’s MAKEOVER TIME! Everyone is stoked.

Before then, Rich is going to talk about his feelings. He starts telling Greta that he’s never had a girlfriend before and he’s not good at relationships and it’s not her… who hasn’t had this speech from a boy before… she bails him out by offering to be just friends, which he latches on to gratefully.

Chard is lovingly brushing his long red hair, knowing that he’s about to lose it all to fashion. It’s lovely but he’ll look great without it. Kim is going through Rich’s clothes and throwing out all the ugly stuff. So, all of it.

Jason is first up with the fabulous Henry. Jason is looking forward to becoming a stud. He says he often gets brushed aside because of the way he looks. It’s heartbreaking. Yiran is promised a GQ look. Rich is told he’s going to be a chick magnet.

Jason dons the spray tan g-string. Rich gets a brutal waxing. Yiran gets make-up on. Chard loses his long locks. It’s a big step, as it’s been part of his identity for eight years and with that, the ponytail is gone.

It’s time for the big reveal. Like last week, none of the geeks have been allowed to see their looks until after the beauties have had a first look.

Yiran is first. Out of the fog steps a tall, slim, handsome blonde man with a tailored suit and trendy sunnies. Brilliant. He looks amazing.

Rich is up next. I’m sticking with my not-a-real-geek theory. Rich, it was really only about removing the hair and changing the clothes. He’s extremely handsome, glowing with spray tan and wearing a ridiculous outfit circa Bernard Curry last week-ish. The beauties’ jaws collectively drop. He’s very pleased with his reflection, describing it as ‘suave, cool and a little bit boy band.’
Jason is up next. He looks just like Jason, but in trendy clothes and neater hair. It’s excellent. It’s really all he needed, and he’s buzzing with confidence. It’s very Mod, and he’s sure to be a big hit with the ladies.

Chard is last. Skinny jeans, leather jacket… he looks wicked. He’s rocking a quiff. He looks like Simon Pegg joined a rock band, and I mean that as a massive compliment. He’s always been a confident bloke and he looks fantastic.

Love or hate this show, they do a great makeover. The geeks look terrific and fancy and now it’s TIME TO GO ON DATES. Curry tells them they’ll need to be on their sexy best.

The boys are girling it up and doing their hair. High maintenance wenches.

Chard practises his cheek kissing on Millie. Cody knows that winking emoticons work online. Rich claims not to have any flirting moves. Besides love letters, pashing, presents, breakfast in bed, goodnight kisses and the classic I’m-bad-at-relationships dumping move.

Millie is jealous of Dane going out with another girl. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Jason is smiling nervously like a crazy person. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The dates arrive and the girls realise that they’ve spent the day teaching the boys how to hit on their mums. The geeks are on a date with their beauty’s mum, except Jason, who somehow scored a hot sister. The beauties are all horrified that the geeks might try and pash their mums. Hope so.

The geeks and mums awkwardly touch and compliment each other. Jason starts legitimately flirting with Kristy’s sister and getting her to play with his hair. “Ladies love the shark fin!” Cody scores a date with Chontelle’s mum. Rich kisses Kim’s mum on the cheek.


Curry tells the boys who they’ve been dating and the boys’ reaction is classic. Cody wins the challenge for scoring a second date with Chontelle’s mum.

Kim and Rich are discussing tactics. They agree that Alin and Dane are the biggest competition, but they have an alliance with them so Kim wants to nominate Jason and Kristy. Rich tells her that alliances will need to be shattered at some point – he’s very close to Jason. Rich wants to oust Alin and Dane while they have a chance. Cody and Chontelle are considering Yiran and Greta or Dane and Alin.
It’s nomination time. Kim and Rich nominate Kristy and Jason. Rich is gutted. Jason isn’t surprised, but disappointed that it came from Rich. Kim should have let that one go. Cody and Chontelle nominate Yiran and Greta.

They pack, study, talk about their journey and comfort each other.

Rich and Greta go for a walk outside to talk about his feelings. He doesn’t want her to leave, but reminds her that they’re just friends, but close friends.

Elimination time. The girls are up first in the quiz. Kristy is asked what ‘UN’ stands for. They didn’t study it, but luckily she knows that it’s the United Nations. Greta is asked which animal represents the World Wildlife Fund. She guesses panda, and it’s right. Kristy is up next. ‘Who did Barack Obama replace as US President?’ She knows it’s Bush. Greta is asked where the Battle of Gallipoli occurred. She guesses China. It’s Turkey. Where turkeys come from.

Jason is up first and he wants to retain their one-point lead. He knows that Chris Martain and Gwyneth Paltrow’s first child was called Apple. Yiran has to answer the next question to stay in the game. He gets asked a completely stupid question about a toy Beyonce and Jay-Z bought for their baby daughter and can’t answer it. Jason and Kristy are safe. A teary Greta and Yiran prepare to leave.

Yiran is leaving with a lot more confidence, and Greta can say “stethoscope” now, so everyone wins.

Next week: the geeks try their hand at hairdressing! Dane makes another move on Millie! Beauties scream at food?